Un allegado le informa a

Un allegado le informa a Macri (Presidente del Club Altl�tico Boca Juniors), que, en Irak, hay un jugador de f�tbol excelente, que convierte tres goles por partido.

Tanto le insiste que, a pesar de la guerra, Macri viaja a Bagdad y ve que, efect�vamente, Al� Yussuf hace tres goles en cada partido.
Despu�s de r�pidas negociaciones, y por un precio muy bajo, Yussuf viene a la Argentina, y luego de una semana de estar concentrado con el primer equipo, debuta en la primera de Boca.

En el mismo debut se convierte en �dolo de la hinchada, conquistando tres goles espectaculares.

Preocupado por su familia, y para contarles lo bien que le hab�a ido en el partido que acababa de jugar, Yussuf llama a su familia desde la misma concentraci�n y su esposa Nadim que atiende el tel�fono le dice:

“Por aqu� todo mal. Ayer mataron al abuelo, una banda armada quiso entrar a casa anoche. Hace dos d�as quisieron violar a la nena y a m� me robaron todo lo que ten�a encima, y adem�s no podemos dormir por los tiros, las explosiones, las sirenas y los gritos de dolor. Y vos ten�s la culpa!”

Al� Yussuf le pregunta a su mujer:

“�Por qu� soy el culpable?”

A esto la mujer le contesta:

“�Y qui�n nos trajo a vivir a Argentina?”

What a way to go!

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”
“Of course you can come in. You’re always welcome, Tim.
But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda, no.”
“No?”

“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

En plena clase, Pepito se

En plena clase, Pepito se levanta; se baja los pantalones y, enfrente de todo su grupo, comienza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

Al d�a siguiente, a la hora del recreo, en medio del patio, se baja los pantalones y empieza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

La maestra, cansada de este acto, manda llamar a su pap�:

“Se�or, me da mucha pena molestarlo, pero Pepito siempre se baja los pantalones y comienza a orinar cantando: “Lindo pescadito…”

El pap�, ri�ndose, responde:

�Ay, se�orita, eso no es nada! Mire esto: “Tibur�n, tibur�n…”

So, it seems that some friars were behind…

So, it seems that some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close
down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get
out of business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them
to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d
be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so. Thereby
proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn.

“You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”

“He’s an asshole,” John said.

“Piss on him.”

“You did,” came the reply.

“And he fired you.”

“Well, screw him!” said John.

“I did.� You’re back at work on Monday.

A Bump in a Rug

A carpet layer had just finished a wall-to-wall installation.
When he arose from his labor for a smoke, he realized that his
pack of cigarettes was missing from his shirt pocket. Seeing a
small bulge under the center of the new carpet, he thought “No
sense in pulling up the whole rug to get the pack” and proceeded
to flatten the lump with his hammer.

As he was cleaning up, the lady of the house walked in. “Here
are your cigarettes. I found them in the hallway. Now if I could
only find my hamster.”