Category: other

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest.

“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.

“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “M” on her chest.

“Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Un joven, egresado de una de las universidades m�s prestigiosas del pa�s, va a pedir trabajo a una empresa internacional y, con su t�pico tono de voz pedante, se presenta ante el gerente de personal:

“Disculpe… Vengo a pedir empleo”.

“Muy bien, �me puedes decir que curr�culum o experiencia laboral tienes?”

“Pues ver�s, todav�a no he trabajado porque soy reci�n egresado de la carrera de ingenier�a en sistemas, en la mejor universidad, por supuesto, �no? Hablo 100% English y algo de Fran�ais y Japanese. Hice el servicio social en la Presidencia de la Rep�blica junto con el sobrino del Presidente. Fui el segundo mejor promedio con 9.973. Hice un intercambio acad�mico al MIT de Boston. Actualmente, vivo en Las Lomas y mi hermano es director general de una importante compa��a. Adem�s, cuento con disponibilidad para viajar por todo el mundo. Mi pap� es master en finanzas corporativas y es miembro consultor de una empresa de las Fortune 500.

El gerente de personal, sin inmutarse, prosigue con la entrevista:

“�En qu� �rea piensas desarrollarte en esta empresa?”

“Pssss, en la Direcci�n de Sistemas o en alguna gerencia, �no?”

“�Y que pedir�as por tus servicios?”

“Pues, para comenzar, una oficina privada con vista a la ciudad y dos secretarias; 10 mil pesos por semana, libres de impuestos; una supercomputadora, (con Internet, por supuesto); lugar de estacionamiento y un autom�vil de la empresa… pero que tenga clima, un buen est�reo y bocinas, �qu� te parece?”

“�Muy bien!”

En ese momento, el empleador se queda pensando un minuto y le sugiere:

“Bueno, te vamos a proponer lo siguiente: un puesto en la Direcci�n de Sistemas con 10 personas a tu cargo y tres secretarias (para ti solo, por supuesto); tambi�n tendr�s una oficina privada en el piso 27 del edificio con vista a la ciudad; un lugar para estacionarte al lado de los dem�s directores; te vamos a ofrecer 10 mil pesos pero diarios, libres de polvo y paja; un bono anual de 15 mil d�lares por productividad, una computadora port�til, dos meses de vacaciones por a�o; gastos m�dicos mayores y, adem�s, un Mercedes Benz rojo con todo y su chofer, �te parece?”

“H�jole, la verdad, �es mucho! �Est�s bromeando?”

“�Pues si t� empezaste, cabr�n!”

Once,there was a detective who was just moving in to his new
office. He heard a knock on the door. He wanted to make a good
impression since he was new, so he pretended to be on the phone.
The man waited patiently. The detective hung up. “As you can
se,I’m very busy,”said the detective. “What can I do for you?”
“Not much,” replied the man. “I’m here to hook up your phone,”

A midget walks into a bathroom and sees a guy taking a piss, he comes up to him and says, “You have nice balls”, the guy liking compiments says, “Um….. thanks I guess”, then the midget says, “Can I have a closer look at them, you know mine are so small!”

The guy answers, “um….. sure go ahead”, so the midget gets a 4 foot ladder, climbs up onto it and grabs the guys balls, then all of a sudden he yanks on them keeping a tight grip he says, “Give me your wallet or i’ll jump!”

Una rubia estaba harta de o�r bromas sobre rubias est�pidas, as� que decidi� te�irse el cabello de negro y salir a probarle al mundo lo equivocado que estaban.

Manej� fuera de la ciudad hasta un sitio en el campo con muchas granjas de ovejas. Vio a un granjero al lado del camino, detuvo su auto y dijo, “Si le digo exactamente cu�ntas ovejas hay en su reba�o, �me dar�a una?”

“S�, si puede decirme eso, claro que le regalo una oveja”.

“Ella dijo de inmediato: “131”.

“�Exacto! Puede tomar su oveja”.

La rubia fue y tom� su oveja.

Entonces el granjero dijo, “Si puedo decirle de qu� color es realmente su cabello �me regresar�a mi oveja?”

“S�”.

“Rubio. Ahora regr�seme mi perro”.

did you know that they put metamucil in the old faithful geyser so that it will be regular.

During World War I, a German soldier on the eastern front expressed
his absolute certainty of victory. “Franz,” he said, “we Germans are
pious people who pray to God on the eve of each battle. How can we
lose?”
Franz said, “I know that, Dietrich, but the Russians are pious,
too. They pray to God before each battle also.”
Dietrich said, “Of course. But who understands Russian?”

A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the
service?” ask the interviewer.

“Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant.

“Did you see any active duty?” He was asked.

“I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.”

“May I ask what happened?” he was asked.

“Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both
testicles.” The marine said.

“You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.”

“When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential
treatment because of my disability.” The marine said.

“Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around
scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.”Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.”Well,” said the other brother, “You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.”

Se encuentran 3 amigas despu�s de la luna de miel y empiezan a comentar…

La primera dice, “mi esposo result� protestante, protest� toda la noche y por todo y no dejaba de protestar.”

La segunda comenta, “el mio sali� metodista, lo mismo todas las noches, lo mismo, lo mismo, puro m�todo.”

Y la tercera dice: “Pues el mio sali� buen�simo porque me result� luterano: �una noche le daba por el utero, la otra por el ano!

How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go ‘WOOF.’

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:Dear God,Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.