Category: other

– At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but
only three years to train to be a surgeon….

– Despite the many rat infested slums in New York City, only 311 people
are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten
annually by other New Yorkers….

– No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department
store immediately turn to the right….

– The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11
story building….

– Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven
sexual fantasies a day….

– There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The
kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million….

– During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville’s timeless classic of the
sea, ‘Moby Dick’, only sold 50 copies….

– The liver, not the heart, is the sign of romance in northern Morocco….
When a Moroccan girl falls in love she says, “Darling, you have stolen my
liver.”

– Drivers tend to drive faster when other cars are around. It doesn’t
matter whether they are in front, behind, or beside them….

– A small tribe named the Todas in southern India don’t greet each other
with a handshake, they thumb their noses….

– The host team in an NFL football game must have 26 footballs inflated
and ready to play….

– The world’s greatest lover was King Mongut of Siam. He had 9,000
wives…. Before dying of syphilis he was quoted as saying he only loved
the first 700….

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this?!”

A short guide to comparative religions:

Taoism : Shit Happens.
Buddhism : If shit happens it’s not really shit.
Islam : If shit happens it is the will of Allah
Protestantism : Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism : Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism : This shit happened before.
Catholicism : Shit happens cuz you are bad.
Hare Krishna : Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. evangelism : Send more shit.
Atheism : NO shit!
Jehovah’s witness : Knock Knock Shit happens.
Hedonism : There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science : Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Existentialism : What is shit anyway?
Stoicism : This shit doesn’t bother me.
Rastafarianinsm : Let’s smoke this shit.

on new year eve, one family went to church for the preparation for the new year day. so before they came back the chicken they want to kill for the has escape so they trace the chicken to where they will find and find it on the roof of the church. the chicken was prayer that i would not die but to proclaim the work of the Lord.

I’ll give you a nice long wet kiss To start off our yule tide bliss Then once I’ve romanced ya It’s time I depantsed ya By whipping your zipper like this!

A woman is in her doctor’s office, and suddenly shouts out, “Doctor, kiss me.”

The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.

About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out, “Doctor, please, kiss me just once.”

Again, he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.

Finally, another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor; “Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!!”

“Look” he says, “I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be screwing you!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

El d�a de recreo en el convento, todas la monjitas se peleaban. En eso la madre superiora pregunta:

“�Qu� es lo que est� pasando?”

Las monjitas responden que una de ellas no le prestaba la bicicleta a las dem�s. La madre superiora, enojada por lo que suced�a dice:

“�No se peleen m�s, porque si no le pongo el asiento!”

Era una anciana que ten�a un perico y le dice: “Si viene el lechero le dices que s�, si viene el periodiquero le dices que s�.”

La anciana se va y a los pocos minutos llega el lechero y le dice “�quieres leche?” y el perico le dice que s�, en eso llega el periodiquero y le dice “�quieres el periodico?” y el perico le dice s�, entonces pasa un borrachito y le dice “�quieres que te pegue unos trancazos?”, el perico le dice s� y el borracho le pega hasta cansarse.

A la ma�ana siguiente la anciana, viendo como estaba de golpeado el pobre perico, le dice: “A todos los que vengan les dices que no”.

Y bien, llega el lechero y el perico le dice que no, llega el periodiquero y el perico le dice que no. En eso llega el borrachito y le dice “�te dolieron los trancazos?”

Y el perico le dice: “NO…”

What do you call an [ethnic] with a job?

– One in a million.

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides
me.

2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop
class.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express
written consent of thy God. The name “Thy God” is the sole property of thy God.
Any use of the name of thy God without the express written
consent of thy God is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by thy
God.

4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments.

5. Honor thy single parent.

6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office.

8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: Not really applicable to car radios.)

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor when appearing
before Judge Wapner.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, his servants, his flocks, or his
powertools.

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

You’re so flat that the walls are jealous!!!!!!