Category: other

what does a jack rabbit and ablonde have in common? they both like it fast…….lol haaa hahhhhaaa

There once were these three guys who died and went to hell. The
first guy was a drunk. The second guy was a player and the third
was a pot-head.When the three guys ended up in hell they begged
and pleaded with the devil ti spare them. The devil said,” I
will allow you all to be locked in a room for 1,000 years with
anything you want. However you may not come out for those 1,000
years.” The guys thought that this was great! So the drunk says
to the devil,” I want to be locked in a room with all the beer
in the world!” So the drunk was put into a room for a 1,000
years with all the beer in the world. Then the player says to
the devil,” I want to be locked in a room with all the women in
the world!” So the devil lockes him in a room for 1,000 years
with all the women in the world. Then the pot-head says to the
devil,” I want to be locked in a room with all the pot in the
world!!!!”. So sure enough the devil locks him up with all the
pot in the world for 1,000 years. So 1,000 years go by and the
devil unlocks the rooms. The first room is the drunk mans room.
when the devil opens it the drunk says,” Urgh. I never want to
see beer again!!!”. then the devil moves on and opens the
players door. when he opens the door the player says,” Man i
hate women! All they do is complain and bitch about shit!! i
never want to see women again!!!” then the devil moves on to the
next door, wich is the pot-heads door. the devil opends it and
sees the the pot un smoked. then in the middle of the room is
the pot-head, crying. the guy looks at the devil and says,” do
you have a light?”

Q: What’s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

Llega la Madre Teresa al cielo y San Pedro le otorga una peque�a corona en reconocimiento por el buen trabajo que realiz� en la tierra.

Una semana despues llega la Madre teresa a la oficina de San Pedro y dice:

“Me vengo a quejar. La Princesa Diana no hizo nada que no fuera por publicidad y sin embargo tiene una corona mucho m�s grande que la m�a. �Exijo una explicaci�n!”

San pedro responde:
“No se preocupe, Madre, que eso no es una corona. �Es el gu�a del Mercedes que todav�a no se lo han podido sacar!”

En una calle de Sevilla, en pleno agosto, a las cinco de la tarde, con 40� C a la sombra, una multitud se agolpa en un portal. En frente, un se�or en cambio se tuesta al sol. Una viejecita, sorda casi totalmente, al pasar queda sorprendida de toda la gente all� presente y pregunta:

“Perdone, �me podr�a decir que hace tanta gente aqu�?”

“S�, claro, es que se ha muerto Roberto, un viajante. Lo van a llevar ahora al cementerio”.

“�Qu� dice joven, qu� aqu� viv�a un gigante?”

“Un gigante no, un viajante, un vendedor…”

“Ya, ya le he entendido. �Y estaba casado el gigante?”

“S�, se�ora, estaba casado, pero no era un gigante, era un VIAJANTE”.

“�No me grite, joven! �E hijos, ten�a hijos el gigante?”

“S�, un ni�o y una ni�a, pero no era gigante, era VIAJANTE, un vendedor…”

“Ya, ya, ya s� que era gigante… �Qu� pena de muchachos!”

“�Se�ora, que es un VIAJANTE!”

En esto, sale por la puerta del portal el ata�d con el cuerpo del viajante y, la se�ora fij�ndose que es un f�retro de tama�o normal le reprocha:

“Oiga, �y en ese ata�d va el gigante?”

“No, se�ora, ah� va su pene, el gigante viene detr�s”

Se encuentran dos amigos en la calle: “Pero Juan… �te has hecho una mujer!”

“Pues s�, me d� cuenta que me sent�a mujer y me oper�.”

“Pero eso habr� sido doloroso.”

“S�, claro… me tuvieron que poner implantes de silicona, me cortaron mis partes, me depil� todo el cuerpo… un horror. Pero lo peor de todo fue cuando me tuvieron que reducir el cerebro.”

Un habitante de Tontilandia va en su autom�vil y lo choca. Viendo la gran abolladura, se le ocurre que sopl�ndolo por el escape puede inflarse y regresar a la normalidad. Y en eso est� cuando pasa un compatriota por el camino y le dice:

“�Hombre, que eres bruto! �Si no cierras las ventanas no se va a inflar nunca!”

what did the male chook say to the female chicken after he found out she had just hatched 50 new eggs?? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck (say it like a chicken plucks)

My mother-in-law asked me, “If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantle piece (shelf above the open fireplace)?”

I told her, “So as to keep the kids away from the fire.”

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said “Don’t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?”

I said “I didn’t know there were any witnesses!”

“Now I’ll have to kill you too.”

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
A: Dam.

Hab�an dos espermatozoides en el cuerpo de M�nica Lewinsky y uno le dice al otro, “Oye, �cuanto falta para llegar al �vulo?”

Y el otro le responde, “No lo s�, pero reci�n vamos por la tr�quea.”