Category: other

You know you’re in Sydney, Australia, when…

� Your co-worker tells you they have eight body piercings but none are visible.

� You earn over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house.

� You never bother looking at the bus timetable because you know the drivers have never seen it.

� You can’t remember… is dope illegal?

� You’ve been to more than one baby shower (wetting the baby’s head) that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

� You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

� A great parking space can move you to tears.

� Your child’s Year Three teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named Breeze. And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

� You get used to signs at zebra crossings that say, ‘Pedestrians give way to traffic’.

� You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can’t decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or a ‘building your own website’ class.

� You get used to the fact that drivers have never heard of the road code and start running red lights, not bothering to indicate lane changes and never, ever, giving way to anyone else – especially if the other has the right of way.

� A man walks down the main street in full leather regalia and crotchless pants. Nobody takes any notice.

� You keep a list of companies to boycott.

� Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay and your Avon lady is a guy in drag.

Why don’t chickens ever wear underwear?Because their peckers are on their heads!

Indian (ear to the ground): “Buffalo come.”

Cowboy: “How do you know?”

Indian: “Ear sticky.”

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.”Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves.”The policeman looks at the old man and says, “You shouldn’t be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!”So the old man says, “I know! I’m crying because I don’t remember where I live!”

Did you know that Lorena Bobbitt moved to Russia and changed her name?

She now goes by the name of Ivana Cutchacokov.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

En una zona militar un valiente soldado recibe un tiro en un brazo. Inmediatamente fue atendido por el doctor, el cual le dijo:

“Amigo tenemos que amputar el brazo.”

“�No!, entonces c�mo podre tirar.”

“No se preocupe, le podemos poner hacer un transplante que le servira igual que el brazo original.”

“Est� bien.”

“Hay un s�lo problema, el brazo es de mujer.”

“No importa si es que voy a estar bien.”

El soldado es operado y cuando despert� de la anestesia, ten�a su nuevo brazo que le qued� como si fuera suyo desde un principio. Por recomendaci�n del m�dico regres� a los quince d�as para un chequeo.

“�C�mo le va con el brazo?”

“Muy bien, s�lo un peque�o problema.”

“�Cu�l?”

“�Qu� cuando voy al ba�o a orinar no me quiere soltar!”

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill declined saying that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

‘What’s wrong, Bill?’ she asked.
Bill said, ‘Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?’

‘Oh Bill, you didn’t,’ she said.
‘Yes, I did,’ said Bill.

‘My God, Bill, what happened?’

‘I got fired.’

‘No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?’

‘Oh, she got fired too.’

Un habitante de Tontilandia va en su autom�vil y lo choca. Viendo la gran abolladura, se le ocurre que sopl�ndolo por el escape puede inflarse y regresar a la normalidad. Y en eso est� cuando pasa un compatriota por el camino y le dice:

“�Hombre, que eres bruto! �Si no cierras las ventanas no se va a inflar nunca!”

Llega un indio a un bar y pide un whisky. El camarero le da un whisky y dice:

“Whisky no gustar, whisky no pagar.”

El camarero le da otro whisky y el indio responde:

“Whisky no gustar, whisky no pagar.”

Esto ocurre sucesivamente durante cinco veces, hasta que el camarero, totalmente harto le echa gasolina en el whisky.

“Whisky si gustar, whisky s� pagar.”

Llega al d�a siguiente el indio, y el camarero le pregunta que si quer�a otro whisky como el del d�a anterior. El indio responde:

“No, yo pegar peo, matar caballo.”

Jaimito conjugaba el verbo andar:

“Yo…, esto… ando, tu… andas…

Y le dice la profesora:

“M�s r�pido Jaimito.”

“Yo corro, tu corres, el corre…”

Q: What is the smartest thing to come out of a women’s mouth? A: Einstein’s dick

A farmer is giving his blonde wife last-minute instructions
before heading to town to do chores.

“That fellow from the University will be along this afternoon to
inseminate one of the cows. I’ve hung a nail by the right stall
so you’ll know which one I want him to impregnate.”

Satisfied that his blonde wife understood the instructions, the
farmer leaves for town.

That afternoon, the ‘Inseminator’ arrives, and the wife
dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall
with the nail.

“This is the cow right here,” she tells him.

“What’s the nail for?” the guy asks.

Replies the wife, “I guess its to hang up your pants.”