Category: other

Hab�a una pareja de enamorados que estaban desesperados por su situaci�n econ�mica, as� que la chica se arma de valor y le dice al enamorado:

“Carlos ya no aguanto m�s, me voy a los Estados Unidos a conseguir trabajo”, y la condenada toma sus maletas y se larga.

Despues de tres meses, al enamorado le llega un telegrama con el titulo “P.P.P”, el enamorado angustiado lo lee:

P: POCA PLATA.
P: PELIGRA POTO.
P: POSIBLE PUTA.

As� que el enamorado apenado le responde y al cabo de una semana la chica recibe un telegrama urgente que se titulaba “C.C.C”, el cual dec�a:

C: COBRA CARO.
C: CUIDA CULO.
C: CARI�OS CARLOS.

Q. Did you hear about the polish coyote?
A. Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck…….

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was
gaining a little weight. “Gaining a little weight are we Sister Susan?”, he
asked.

“Oh no, Father. Just a little gas.” Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly.

A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight.
“Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?”, he asked again.

“Oh no, Father. Just a little gas.” She replied again.

A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage in
the convent.

He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said –
“What a cute little fart!”

Un tipo vuelve a su casa despu�s de haber estado con su amante y mientras se estaba arreglando se ve un terrible rasgu�o. Preocupado, entra a la casa y justo ve pasar al gato. Entonces le da una patada muy fuerte y el gato sale volando y chillando: “MIAAAUUUUU, �MIAAAUUUUU! AAAAAAAA �MIAAAUUUUU!

Entonces viene su mujer corriendo y le dice:

“�Pero, querido, qu� pasa?”

“Nada, este gato que me ataco y me rasgu��.”

“S�, mi amor, m�talo, m�talo, que a m� me dej� un terrible chup�n en el cuello.”

“Men never do evil so cheerfully and so completely as when they do so from
religious conviction.”
— Blaise Pascal

A businessman returns from the Far East. After a few days he notices strange
growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: �You’ve been
screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We’ll have to cut
it off.� The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know
how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan.
The doctor examines him and says, “You’ve been fooling around in my country.
This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?�
The man replies, �Yes a few in the USA.�
The doctor says, “I bet they told you it had to be cut off.”
The man answers, “Yes!”
The doctor smiles, nods, “That is not correct. It will fall off by itself.”

man who drop watch in toilet going to have shitty time!

Tres hombres son encarcelados por cr�menes graves, todos con sentencia de veinte a�os en confinamiento solitario. A cada uno se le permite llevar a su celda una sola cosa.

El primero pide un mont�n de libros. El segundo pide que lo acompa�e su esposa. Y el tercero pide doscientos cartones de cigarrillos. Al final de los veinte a�os, abren la celda del primer prisionero, quien sale y dice, “Estudi� tan duro que ahora me convertir� en abogado e iniciar� una nueva vida.” Abren la puerta del segundo. Sale con su esposa y cinco hijos y dice: “Esto fue lo mejor que me ha pasado. Mi esposa y yo nunca hab�amos estado tan unidos, y tengo una nueva familia maravillosa.”

Finalmente abre la puerta del tercer prisionero y �ste sale toc�ndose los bolsillos y diciendo: “Alguien tiene un encendedor.”

what is the difference between people and jelly beans

nothing everybody hates the black ones

Last summer, I took my wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, I passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. I tried the usual tactics to determine direction – moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, I spotted a small cabin off in the distance. I pulled out my binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our campsite.

“That was terrific,” she said. “How did you do it?”

“Simple,” I replied. “In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south.”

Un mec�nico le prest� a un colega suyo un taladro y, como �ste llevaba alg�n tiempo sin que se lo devolviese, decidi� llamarlo por tel�fono para record�rselo.

Cuando aquel le contest� le dijo: “O�me bien, Roberto. �C�mo est�s?”

“Bien, Romualdo. Gracias. �Dime qu� deseas?”

“Pues hombre, que te estoy llamando por el taladro”.

“No jod�s, pero se te oye muy clarito, sin ruidos ni interferencias”.

A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die. “What do you want for your first wish?” asks the chief.

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. “What do you want for your second wish?” says the chief.

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed. About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back. Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy “What do you want for your last wish?”

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, “You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!”