Category: other

En una entrevista secreta entre un periodista �rabe y Bin Laden el periodista le pregunta:

“Usted es el autor intelectual del atentado a las torres gemelas?”

“S�”, respondi� Bin Laden.

“�Y lo del pent�gono?”

“Tambi�n.”

“Y d�game, �lo de la embajada en Kenia?”

“Tambi�n.”

“�Sabe algo de los autores de la Amia y la embajada de Israel?”

“Yo fui el autor intelectual de esos dos atentados.”

�Y qu� hay de una entrevista secreta con el expresidente de Argentina, Carlos Menen?”

“�NOOOO… Yo quilombos no quiero!”

HOW TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love you
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,
Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky. . . . . . . . Nice Tits

Yo’ mama so fat, when she went swimming, Spain claimed her as a new country!

Jesus died for our sins.
Let’s not disappoint him.

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, ”So what do you think of mad cow disease?” The other replies, ”I dunno, I’m a chicken.”

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together.

“Oh, this is terrible,” exclaims St. Peter, “I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren’t expecting you, your quarters just aren’t ready… We can’t take you in and we can’t send you back.”

Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, “Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They’re ours, but we weren’t expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for ’em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It’ll only be a couple of days. What d’ya say?”

Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.

However, Two days later St. Peter got a call. “Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning!”

One day at Sunday school, the teacher was asking the kids where Jesus lives. The teacher picked on one of the kids.

“Jesus lives in my heart.”

“Very good.” said the teacher.

She picks on another kid

“Jesus lives in Heaven.”

Very good said the teacher. Little Johnny is in the back just waving his hand to be called on. The teacher didn’t want to call on little Johnny but it nevertheless.

“Jesus lives in the bathroom.”

After a moment, the teacher asked why he lived in the bathroom.

“Every morning when my dad gets up he bangs on the bathroom door and asks Jesus Christ are you still in there?”

Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their mothers’ clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They passed a bar and one of the girls said, “Let’s go in for a drink.”They went in and crawled up to to the bar stools. The bartender laughed and thought he would have some fun. He went to the first little girl and said, “What will you have young lady?”The girl replied, “I’ll Have a Martini.”The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her.He said to the second girl, “What will you have today?”She replied, “A Manhattan.”The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her.Next he asked the third little girl, “What will you have today?”After a long pause she replied, “I’ll have a douche. Mother says they’re so refreshing.”

Things You Don’t Want To Hear In Surgery1. Someone call the janitor – we’re gonna need a mop.2. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?4. Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingy.5. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.6. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?7. Dang it, there go the lights again…8.”Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy’s got two of ’em.9. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!10. What’s this doing here?11. I wish I hadn’t forgotten my glasses.12. Sterile, shmeril. The floor’s clean, right?13. OK, now take a picture from this angle.14. What do you mean “You want a divorce”!15. Dang it! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

How can you tell when a ballerina is having her period and
forgot her tampon?

When she does a split, she sticks to the floor.

There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar.

The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.

After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, “Well, I have a tattoo, too!”

The men all look surprised.

The woman continues, “I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?”

The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman.

Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.

One of the men asks, “What’s wrong, sweet lady?”

The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, “Oh, nothing, I can’t show you my little mouse tattoo after all.

My pussy must have eaten it.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Un importante funcionario de una entidad financiera local, llama por tel�fono a su casa:

“�Al�, mi reina? �C�mo est�s, mi amor? �Bien? Qu� bueno, y dime �los ni�os est�n bien? Perfecto �Almorzaron todo?… �S�?… �Qu� gusto! Dime, chiquita �qu� cocinaste hoy?… Uyyyy �Ravioles!… Mi plato preferido, mi cielo. Por eso te adoro, y dime, �todo tranquilo por casa?…. �s�? Oye, �me prometes que hoy en la noche te pondr�s ese babydoll negro, ese que es totalmente transparente?… �S�?… Gracias cosita, por eso te amo tanto… Al ratito te veo �s�, mi amor? Ahora… comun�came con la se�ora, �s�?”