Yours Fun Portal !
A technology buff, Mel spent hours pouring over the ad in ‘Popular Engineering’ for a ball-bearing mousetrap.
He tried to figure out how it could possibly work, then finally gave up and sent for one.
A week later, a tomcat arrived via parcel post.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Un borrach�n llega a un hotel y pregunta por el ba�o.
“Siga hasta el final del pasillo y gire hacia la izquierda”.
El beodo sigui� hasta el final del pasillo pero no gir� hacia la izquierda, sino hacia la derecha, en direcci�n a la piscina, a donde cae sin saberlo y grita asustado:
“�Por favor no le den a la palancaaaaa!”
You’re a teacher who walks into the classroom
and says, “Good Morning…”
When your class says “Good Morning” back, they’re Freshmen.
When they put their newspapers down and open their books, they’re Sophomores.
When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of their newspapers, they’re Juniors.
When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they’re Seniors.
When they write down what you said, they’re Grad Students.
stupid are dumb…to dumb that you get hated.
THEY BOTH KEEP MEAT PACKED IN THEM.
What do you call a deer with 20/20 vision?
“Good-eye deer”
Pepito y Maria fueron una vez a cortar naranjas. Cuando Mar�a regres� a su casa, su mam� le pregunt�:
“�C�mo te fue Mar�a?”
“Bien mam�… Pepito y yo fuimos a cortar naranjas. Yo me sub� al �rbol a cortarlas y pepito se qued� abajo recogiendo las naranjas que yo le aventaba.”
“Pero que tonta eres Mar�a, no te das cuenta que Pepito te vio los calzones.”
“No mam�, porque antes yo fui m�s inteligente y me los quit�.”
I saw this on a box of Oatmeal Raisin cookies, “New! With
Raisins!” What did it have before?
I, ________________ (state name here), swear…uhhhh…high-and-tight…
grunt… cammies… ugh… Air Force women…. HOORAH!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
Veamos como se afectan los mensajes mientras bajan por la l�nea de autoridad.
Del director general al gerente:
El viernes pr�ximo, alrededor de las 5 de la tarde, aparecer� el cometa Halley en esta zona. Se trata de un evento que ocurre cada 76 a�os. Por favor, re�na a todos los trabajadores en el patio de la fabrica, con cascos de seguridad, que all� les explicar� el fen�meno. Si estuviera lloviendo no podremos ver este raro espect�culo a ojo descubierto. En tal caso, todos deber�n dirigirse al comedor donde se exhibir� un documental sobre dicho cometa.
Del gerente al director de recursos humanos:
Por orden del Director General, el viernes a las 5 de la tarde aparecer� sobre la fabrica, si llueve, el cometa Halley. Re�na a todo el personal con cascos de seguridad y ll�velos al comedor, donde tendr� lugar un raro fen�meno que sucede cada 76 a�os a ojo desnudo.
Del director de recursos humanos al gerente de personal:
A solicitud del Director General, el cient�fico Halley, de 76 a�os de edad, aparecer� desnudo en el comedor de la f�brica el pr�ximo viernes a las 5 de la tarde usando un casco de seguridad; pues ser� presentado un documental sobre el problema de la lluvia y el Director har� una demostraci�n en el patio de la empresa.
Del gerente de personal al jefe de turno:
El viernes a las 5 de la tarde, el Director aparecer� en el comedor, por primera vez en 76 a�os, para presentar el documental ‘Halley’, desnudo, junto al famoso cient�fico y su equipo. Todos deben presentarse con casco de seguridad porque el documental tratar� sobre protecci�n en condiciones de lluvia.
Del jefe de turno al jefe de brigadas:
Todos, sin excepci�n, deben presentarse desnudos con los agentes de seguridad de la fabrica, en el patio de la misma, este viernes a las 5 de la tarde. El Director vendr� acompa�ado de Halley, un artista muy famoso, y su grupo, que mostrar�n el documental “Bailando bajo la lluvia”. En caso de que en verdad llueva, hay que irse al comedor usando cascos de seguridad. Esto ocurre cada 76 a�os.
Aviso en el mural:
EL VIERNES EL DIRECTOR GENERAL CUMPLE 76 A�OS, POR LO CUAL SE DAR� LA TARDE LIBRE A TODO EL MUNDO, SIN EXCEPCI�N, PARA LA FIESTA QUE TENDR� LUGAR EN EL COMEDOR A LAS 5 DE LA TARDE CON EL GRUPO HALLEY Y SUS COMETAS. TODOS DEBEN IR DESNUDOS Y USANDO CONDONES DE SEGURIDAD, PORQUE LLOVER� Y SE VA A FORMAR UNA TREMENDA GOZADERA EN EL PATIO DE LA F�BRICA.
One beautiful morning a athiest was walking through the forest, admiring
natures surroundings…
He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and
smiled…
He saw the river glisten in the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made
him warm inside…
He thought to himself that mother nature had made a true and wonderful
world…
The athiest had walked a little further down the track he had taken when
suddenly a bear jumped out of the bushes only a few yards ahead of him and
started growling, looking hungry and ran quickly towards him…
Seeing the big bear bounding towards him he screamed in horror and started
running as fast as he could away from the bear…
Knowing that the bear would catch up to him and he had no chance, the athiest
soon ran out of breath and in a few paces fell to the ground…
As the bears shadow fell upon his face and his paws come down upon his chest,
the athiest screamed
“oh help me god”
Suddenly the trees that he so much admired stopped swaying…
The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing..
And the sky opened up and a voice begun to speak..
“I am god, and even though you dont believe in me, i am here for every being
on this earth”
The athiest felt relieved a little bit and asked god…
“Im sort of in this situation, im only asking if you can help me get out of
it”
God thought for a moment and said…
“I will give you one wish to help you and that is all, you may proceed with
this wish”
The athiest thought about this wish for a moment and then spoke to god..
” Well i dont really want to become a christian, so i wish the bear to become
a christian”
God spoke…
“So be it done”
Suddenly the sky closed up…
The river turned back into its flowing glory…
The trees began to sway again…
And the bear clapped his paws together and said…
“Thankyou god for this meal im about to recieve”
1. Sit and stare at someone and don’t stop staring.
2. Pick out someone to have a crush on then constantly stalk
them. (this one especially works….I’ve done it before! but I
actually have a crush on the person, hehe:)
3. When someone talks to you don’t answer.
4. Whenever you get blamed for doing something sing “it wasn’t
me”
5. If your at the mall walk around and ask people if they like
*N’sync or limp bizket and if the say “no” yell at the top of
your lungs “traitor!!!”
6. At the wishing pond watch people as they make wishes and
throw in money and when they do say to them “ok next time do it
with a little more OMPH”
7. If your out somewhere go to a pay phone and call your house
and act like your a sales person selling “washing machines”
8. If you have AIM make a ton of screen names and IM your
friends on all of them at once.
9. If your on an airplane yell BOMB!!! and then when they find
out there ain’t a bomb say “oh, I thought I saw one fly by”
10. At burger king make a big deal out of weather you should
order either fries or onion rings.
11. In computer class tap the keys really hard.
12. At a grocery store every 5 minutes keep going back for the
sample bread until they tell u, you cant have no more.
13. In any public place keep on repeating “pika Pika!”
14. At the movies whenever a really funny part comes on laugh
REALLY loud and start to cough and then exclaim you cant breath.
15. If you sneak into the movies and 1 of the ushers ask for a
ticket stub start to look through your pockets for 1 then when u
cant find it say “I must have lost it”
16. At the hair solon after you get your hair cut scream at them
“you cut it too short! I’m going to sew!
17. At the hair solon after you are all done exclaim that said
you wanted your hair bleached and when they says you didn’t,
argue with her/him.
18. Constantly sing “Dancing Queen”
19. Go to the mall and bring a pad of paper and a pencil with u
and ask people if they are Christians and if they aren’t put a
tally mark under “People going to hell”
20. If you have your crushes phone # call them up and act like
someone from a different country.