Category: other

Una secretaria llega a la oficina de su jefe corriendo desde la calle y le avisa:

“�Se�or, le acaban de robar el carro!”

“�Caramba! �Y usted vio la cara del ladr�n?”

“No, se�or, no me dio tiempo. Yo estaba anotando el n�mero de la placa”.

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, “Hey that’s a good idea!
What is it that you put over your cigarette?”
The other old lady said, “It’s a condom.”
“A condom? Where do you get those?”

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.

The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, “What size do you want?”
“One that would fit a Camel.”

Una vez que los espermatozoides son depositados, uno de ellos se coloca al frente y le informa a los dem�s:

“Bueno compa�eros, la carrera consiste en llegar primero al �vulo. A la cuenta de tres salimos corriendo”.

En eso estaban, cuando de repente, el l�der del grupo se detiene y gritando dice:

“Alto compa�eros, hemos sido vilmente enga�ados, vamos culo arriba”.

Q: What is the difference between a midwife and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.””What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!””I know all that.””Then why did you invite a friend for supper?””Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

A woman was in court for shop lifting a tin of peaches. The judge said: “You will do a year in prison for each peach in the tin.” Her husband got up and said; “She stole a tin of beans as well.”

A bank robber was running from the law. The police were on his tail and he had nowhere to go so he went into a church.

A priest started to talk to him and just as he was asking him why he stole the money the robber heard sirens. He shot the priest and moments later the police shot the robber.

Somehow there was a mix up; the robber went to heaven and the priest went to hell.

Luckily, they found the mistake and when they were changing places, they both met in the middle.

The priest said to him, “I can’t wait until I meet the Virgin Mary!”

The robber said, “She’s not a virgin anymore.”

Una anaconda decidi� dedicarse a la prostituci�n: har�a comercio con su cuerpo.

“Fracasar�s, no podr�s resistir la tentaci�n de devorar a tus clientes”, le dijo otra serpiente.

“Te equivocas”.

Lleg� el primer cliente: un conejito gordo y apetitoso. Hambrienta por varios d�as de ayuno la v�bora, en efecto, no se pudo contener, y empez� a tragarse a su cliente. Record� de repente, sin embargo, lo que le hab�a dicho su amiga, y lo regurgit�.

Sale a la luz el conejo, todo empapado, lleno de confusi�n, aturrullado, y exclama:

“�Carajo, s� as� estuvo la besadita, c�mo ir� a estar la fornicada!�

A russian couple are walking in russia and the man says i have just felt a spot of rain on my nose and the lady says it isnt rain its snow they start a arguement about if it was raining or snowing a russian guard comes and the man says comrade rudolph is it raining or snowing comrade rudolph says it is raining the lady continues to argue and the man says rudolph the red knows rain dear.

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

“Mommy,” she said, “can we leave now?”

“No” her mother replied.

“Well, I think I have to throw up!”

“Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.”

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

“Did you throw up?” Mom asked.

“Yes.”

“How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.”

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer’s down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?”

The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”

“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing. The week’s a freebie.”

“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.

“Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”

“Why?” asketh the Lord.

St. Peter answered, “He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”

The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

“Stewardess,” he said happily, “I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It’s not often that an airline gets to where it’s going exactly when they claim it will. I’m going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am.”

“Why, thank you, sir,” the flight attendant answered, “but I think you should know–this is yesterday’s flight.”