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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling
a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new
order until you pay for the last one.”
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please
cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”
Abook never written…
How to Read by: Ivana Learn
Care of Pets by: Mibird Hasdied
all the female dinos in Jurassic Park have problems mating, since they were all on their Jurassic Period.
JP Quote-
God Creates Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Rule the Earth.
Dinosaurs Die Out,God Creates Man.
Man Rules The Earth,Man Creates Dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs Kill Man.Then Women Rule the Earth.
Q. Did you hear about the new product for female dinos that prevents them from experiencing that extinct feeling?
A. Jurassic Eve- Dino Dousing
Pantyhose for female dinos would probably be packaged in large plastic dinosaur eggs.
Rex Beer, the new Dinosaur alcholic beverage that brings out the tyrant in the drinker.
Q.Did you hear about the newest dino singing craze?
A.Rap-tors
An Iraqui was walking on the beach when he was approached by a man. “Say Buddy,” said the man, “How”d you like to take a cruise for $100?”
“Sure!” exclaimed the Iraqui. When he gave the man his money, the guy pulled out a black jack and hit him over the head. He pulled him down to the shore, put him in an inner tube and then shoved him off.
The next day, another Iraqui was walking on the beach, and was approached by the same man, in the same manner. Sure enough, when the second Albanian gave him his money, out came the black jack, and the second Albanian was on his way out to sea.
Several days had passed, and the two Iraquis eventually ran into one another. “Hey Buddy,” the second asked the first, “do they serve drinks on this cruise?”
“They probably won’t.” said the first, “They didn’t last year.”
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. “Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said. “A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested.The woman frowned icily. “He doesn’t really need that. A butler never entertains. He’ll get a tie.” The maid grimaced, but said only, “What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?”The woman frowned again. “She doesn’t really need a new dress. She’ll only get in trouble. We’ll get her another apron.”The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing at her employer’s arrogance when they reached her husband. “I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?” the maid replied.”Of course,” the woman replied.”Then how about five more inches?”
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.
2. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
6. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you,
but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea
where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of
them.
11. One out of every three Canadians is suffering from some form
of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they
are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think
if you’ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
tell you it’s because they’re such beautiful animals. I think my
wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the
wall.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede
jacket and said, “Don’t you know a cow was murdered for that
jacket?” I said “I didn’t know there were any witnesses. Now
I’ll have to kill you too”.
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter
Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and
the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore
En plena borrachera un borracho le dice a otro:
“�En qu� se parece una hormiga a un elefante?”
El otro le responde: “No s�.”
“En que hormiga se escribe con H.”
“�Pero elefante que tiene que ver si elefante no lleva H?”
“S� lleva H.”
“No lleva.”
“S� lleva.”
“�Y por qu� lleva H?”
“Porque el elefante se llama Humberto.”
Un ni�o le dice a su padre:
“Papi, dijo el vecino que le prestes tu carro”.
El padre, furioso, responde:
“Dile al cabr�n del vecino que mi carro no es relajo de nadie y que mi culo no es garaje”.
El ni�o, extra�ado, le pregunta:
“�Por qu� dices que tu culo no es garaje?”
“Porque cuando le digas lo que yo te mande a decirle, lo primero que te dir� es que me meta mi carro por el culo”.
A man suffered a heart attack and had by-pass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked if he has money in the bank.
He replied “No money in the bank.”
The nun asked ” Do you have a relative who could help you?”
He said “Just a spinster sister who is a nun.”
The nun, slightly preturbed, said “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Llega el paciente al consultorio e impaciente, se dirige al m�dico:
“�Doctor, doctor!”
“�Qu� le pasa, por qu� tanta desesperaci�n?”
“Es que sufro de eyaculaci�n precoz”.
“�Por la concha de la lora!”
“�Aaaaahhh! �Mmmm!”
There was a man called steven and a man called andy they went to
the bar to get a packet of crisps then the woman at the bar said
they could only have them if see kissed one of them this woman
was coverd in scabs so andy kissed her and took her to the bed
room he
picked the scabs off her and put it in a crisp packet then he
threw it out the window then steven saw them and started to
eating them
Una ni�a que le pregunta a su madre:
“Mam�, �c�mo se hacen los ni�os?”
“Ni�a, a los hijos los trae la cig�e�a.”
“Entonces, �quien se coge a la cig�e�a?”