Category: other

wot do disabled people eat?

thier shoulders.

One day, a guy was on his way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as he sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into his windshield. If that wasn’t strange enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper. Just then the light turned green and there the guy was with a bird stuck on his windshield. Without any other apparent options, he turned on the windshield wipers to try to get rid of the bird. It actually worked. On the upswing, the bird flew off, and it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind him. Unfortunately, the car behind him was a police car. Immediately the lights went on and he was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told him that he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead his case fell on deaf ears. The officer simply stated, ”I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.”

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he’d been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the dinner the young man realized he couldn’t hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.

“SPOT!” called out the young woman’s mother to the family dog, lying at the young man’s feet.

Relieved at the dog’s having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go.

“Spot!” she called out sharply.

“I’ve got it made,” thought the fellow to himself. One more and I’ll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

“Spot!” shrieked the mother. “Get over here before he shits on you!”

A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says,
‘What a great chest you have.’

The bodybuilder tells her,
‘That’s 500 kg of dynamite.’

He takes off his pants and the woman says,
‘What massive calves you have.’

The bodybuilder tells her,
‘That’s 500 kg of dynamite.’

He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment.

The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He finally catches up and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.

The woman replies,
‘I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have.’

This woman goes into a dentist’s office, after he is through examining her he says: “I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth.”

The woman then says with anticipated agony, “Ooooohhhh, I’d rather have a baby!”

To which the dentist replies: “Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair.”

What’s the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?

One that screws when she’s just had her hair done.

Yo momma”s so dumb, she took an hour to make minute rice.

Bob: Hey, Bill did you hear about the artists who held a competition?

Bill: No? How did it turn out?

Bob: It was a draw.

What do you call a Vegaterian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter

what do you call a black preist?
HOLY SHIT!

A new company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new
boss is determined to rid he company of all slackers. On a tour of the
facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers
and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!

The CEO, walks up the guy and asks – �and how much money do you make a week?�

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, �I make $200.00 a
week. Why?�

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams – �here�s a week�s pay,
now GET OUT and don�t come back!�
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and
asks – �does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?�

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters – �That was the Pizza
delivery guy�.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

“I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”

“Simple…there was a piece of paper in his hand that said –
put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”