Did you hear about the Alabama Lottery? You can win $20 dollars every year for
the next million years.
Category: other
Toughest and roughest hooker!
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came
down
from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
“I’m
lookin’ for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the
Yukon,”
he said to the bartender. “We got her” replied the bartender.
“She’s
upstairs in the second room on the right.”
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the
hooker
and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs,
kicked
the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m
looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the
Yukon.” The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said,
“You found her!”
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How
do you know I want that position first?” asked the miner. “I
don’t,” replied the hooker, “but I thought you might want to
open those beers first.”
Men are men!!
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Mama needs new clothes!”
Then she hollered…”YES! YES! I WON!” She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know I thought YOU were watching!”
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Ebonic Lord’s Prayer
The Ebonic Lord’s Prayer
Big Daddy’s Rap – The Lord’s Prayer
Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, – Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin – Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood – Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin’ it, I be doin’ it – Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo’s – On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats – Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood – And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin’ it to dem dat diss me – As we forgive those who trespass against us
don’t be pushing me into no jive – And lead us not into temptation
and keep dem Crips away – But deliver us from evil
‘Cause you always be da Man – For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.
Entra un borracho a un
Entra un borracho a un confesionario, donde ya estaba el cura sentado del otro lado.
Pasan 5 minutos y no hay sonido. El padre tose un poco para ver si el del otro lado del confesionario reacciona, pero nada.
Pasan otros 5 minutos y el padre vuelve a toser, pero igual nada.
Tras otros 10 minutos el padre se desespera y le toca con fuerza en la pared del confesionario; entonces el borracho agitadamente dice:
“�Oiga ya c�lmese! �De este lado tampoco hay papel de ba�o!”
Con motivo de las elecciones
Con motivo de las elecciones presidenciales en varios pa�ses de Latinoam�rica, Naciones Unidas ha designado a un grupo de veedores, de distintas partes del mundo, para controlar que el acto se lleve a cabo con total transparencia.
A continuaci�n la lista de los veedores:
Alemania: Herr Doktor Otto von Frauden.
Arabia Saudita: Elim Postor.
Brasil: T. del Falcao do Nascimento.
China: Chan Chu Yo.
Corea del Norte: Chin Guen Guen Son.
Corea del Sur: Kuan Do No.
Cuba: Silvio Panada.
Espa�a: Paco R. Ovando.
Francia: Pierre D’elvotto.
Grecia: Hurto Sinescroupoulos y Akylos Transo.
Holanda: T. Van Aestaffar.
India: Gandhi Sima Farsa.
Israel: Abraham Urnas.
Italia: Massimo Atraco.
Jap�n: Tekito Tuboto.
L�bano: Mestafa Al-Votar.
Panam�: Many Puleo.
Portugal: Santiago de Trampinha.
Rep�blica Checa: Ivana Jodernos.
Rumania: Robele Sinolopescu.
Rusia: Ivana Timar.
Uganda: Amin Mewele Alomimo.
Estados Unidos: Johnny Miro
Llega un barco Ruso a
Llega un barco Ruso a un puerto latinoamericano. Toda la tripulaci�n se dispone ir a la ciudad a buscar mujeres para complacer sus necesidades sexuales, pero se les advierte del alto indice de SIDA en el puerto y de que no deben tener relaciones sin usar cond�n.
Entonces todos los rusos van hacia la �nica farmacia abierta en la ciudad a comprar condones, pero por m�s muecas que hacen no logran hacer entender al vendedor que quieren condones ya que no hablan ni ingles ni espa�ol. Muy frustrados se regresan al barco, pero un marinero inteligente se va a la farmacia, se baja el pantal�n, se saca el pito, lo coloca sobre el mostrador y pone un billete de un d�lar al lado. Entonces el encargado se queda viendo y piensa:
“Ummm… �Ah, ya s�! Lo que este ruso quiere es un cond�n”, y el ruso muy feliz corre al barco y le avisa a todos como hizo para conseguirlo.
Todos los rusos van a la misma farmacia y hacen lo mismo, se bajan el pantal�n se sacan la pija, la colocan en el mostrador y al lado un billete de a d�lar. Pero a todo esto el encargado hab�a salido a comer y lo reemplazaba temporalmente un negrito ayudante. Este, al ver a aquel monton de rusos piensa:
“Umm… �Ah, ya s� qu� quieren estos rusos!”, entonces se baja el pantalon, saca aquella enorme pija, la coloca sobre el mostrador y dice:
“Bueno, bueno, se�ores lo siento mucho pero la casa gana.” Y recoge todos los billetes.
A father and his little
A father and his little boy went to church. The sermon was on the long
side and the boy fell asleep.
This particular priest hated people going to sleep during his sermons.
When ever someone appeared to be sleeping the priest would ask them a
question to make sure they were paying attention.
When the priest noticed the boy sleeping, he went over and asked the boy
“Who is the ruler of the world?”
The boy’s father jabbed the boy with a pen to wake him up. The boy felt
the jab, opened his eyes and exclaimed “God!”.
The priest said correct, and continued on with his sermon. Sure enough
the boy fell back asleep. This time the priest asked “Who is the Son of
God?”
Again the father jabbed the boy with a pen, and he opened his eyes and
said “Jesus Christ!”. The priest thanked the boy and continued on with his
sermon.
When the boy fell asleep the third time, the priest, livid with anger asked
a much harder question “Ok, smartass, What did Eve declare to Adam after
their tenth child?”
The boy was sound asleep, and the father had to poke him quite hard to wake
him. The boy yelled “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I’m
gonna break it in half!!”
Simplified income taxes
REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORMNew Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes1. How much money did you make in 2000?2. Send it to us.
En un viaje, aquel se�or
En un viaje, aquel se�or acert� a pasar por la ciudad donde estudiaba su hijo, al que estaba ansioso de ver despu�s de tanto tiempo, y de quien se sent�a muy orgulloso.
Tom� un taxi para ir a visitarlo a la casa donde viv�a junto a otros compa�eros. Llega a la casa y toca el timbre. Se abre una ventana del segundo piso y asoma la cabeza un muchacho:
“D�game, se�or”.
“�Aqu� vive Leovigildo P�rez?”
“S�”, responde el muchacho, “d�jelo en la puerta, ahorita lo recogemos nosotros”.
Where does it come from??
A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did
all of my intelligence come from?”
The father replied, “Well, son, you must have gotten it from
your mother, cause I still have mine.”
Disabled
wot do disabled people eat?
thier shoulders.