Category: other

A penguin had to take his car for engine repair.

The mechanic told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours, to find out whats wrong.

The penguin goes across the street to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer and ate vanilla ice cream.

When the two hours was up the penguin went back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.

When the penguin entered the garage, the mechanic looked at him and said, “Looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin replied, “NO way, thats vanilla ice-cream!”

What do you call a war without France?

World War 2

Your family is so poor, when I went into your home, I stepped on a
lit cigarette, and your mom yelled, “Who turned off the heat!”

whats a cats favourite exercsise? puss ups

Q: How do you ruin a Polish party?

A: Flush the punch bowl.

Q. What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A. Quarter-pounder with cheese.

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, “What do you think you’re doing?”After a moment the man replied, … “Well, I’ve always wanted to strike a happy medium.”

Q: What do you call a prostitute with no legs?
A: Cash and Carry

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted. He said “OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart”, She did that and he started on the tattoo (the joke goes great if you do all the tattoo-type noises etc.).

Pretty soon he’s done, blows off the dust and admired his work. “Who the fuck’s that?” she says.

“It’s Paul McCartney he says”.

“Doesn’t look like hime at all” says she.

“Now get it right or I’ll report you”.

So the tattooist starts on the othert thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. (Noises again go great when telling the joke). Finally he’s done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good. The woman is pissed off “No fucking way that’s Paul Mccartney” she says.

“It bloody well is” says the man.

“Listen I’ll get a second opinion” He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees.

The guy is a drunk who’s been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattoist drags the drunk into his store. There’s the woman, sitting legs apart with nothing on below her waist. The tattoist says to the drunk (pointing at the womans legs) “Tell me who the hell you think that is”

The drunk says (in a drunken slur voice) “I’ve no idea who the people are on her thighs but the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson”.

why did god give niggers the biggest dicks?

because he felt sorry for putting pubic hairs on their heads.

Llega un t�o a un puti y pregunta al encargado:

“�Qu� puta ten�is por 5.000 pelas?”

El chulo le informa:

“Planta 5�, puta 7”.

“�Y por 2.000 ptas.?”

“Planta 3�, puta 8”.

“�Y alguna por 500?”

“Planta baja, �puta calle!”

Three doctors died and went to the Pearly Gates to be interviewed to see where they would end up.

St. Peter asked the first one what he did on earth, and he said he was an obstetrician.

St. Peter asked what an obstetrician did and the doc told him. “Sounds pretty good, okay you can go in to Heaven.”

The second doc said he was a pediatrician and had to explain what that involved.

St. Peter said, “Sounds very useful, very good, you can go in too.”

The third doc said he was the chief man in charge of a whole HMO conglomerate.

“Well, what’s that?” asked St. Peter.

So the doc told him exactly what that involved.

“Sounds very important, very useful. You can go in too.”

So the third doc goes in the Gates and starts to walk up the stairs.

St. Peter turns and calls after him, “Oh, by the way, you can only stay three days.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci