What do you call a spanish woman with a yeast infection?
A macarena with cheese.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Category: other
O’Connell was staggering home with
O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
Birth Control After 50
What’s the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity.
In a long line of people waiting for a bank…
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man turned and snarled, “Just what the hell are you doing?”
“Well,” said the guy, “you see I’m a chirpractor and I could just see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied. “I’m a lawyer. Do you see me fucking the guy in front of me?”
Picky looks
Q: Are you going out dressed like that?
A: No, I’m going to strip before I get to the door.
A: Yes, all my geeky clothes are in the wash.
A: Are you staying in dressed like THAT?
A: I have too. It’s a law.
A: Yes, unless you like what I’m wearing.
Q: Did you get a haircut?
A: No, I got them all cut.
A: No, I put my hair in the dryer and it shrank.
A: I had too. It was starting to look like YOU!
A: No, I had my head enlarged.
A: No, it’s a tonsorial illusion.
Q: Is that a new shirt?
A: No, I got a new chest.
A: It was when I bought it.
A: No, these are pants, I just wear them funny.
A: It better be, or I’m never shopping at that store again!
A: Yes. Some of us can afford new clothes.
Deeper
There was a boy named Deeper. He was in kindergarden.One day at school,he told the teacher that he had to use the bathroom.Thee teacher said that he could go.He told the teacher to come with him. She said no.Deeper told her I’ll tell mommy and mommy will tell daddy and daddy will tell the principal and you’ll get fired.So the teacher went with him.Deeper told her to go in the stall with him and take her clothes off.She said no.Deeper said I’ll tell mommy and mommy will tell daddy and daddy will tell the principal and you’ll get fired.So the teacher did it.Deeper told her to lay down.She said no.Deeper said I’ll tell mommy and mommy will tell daddy and daddy will tell the principal and you’ll get fired.So she layed down.Deeper took his clothes off and layrd down on top of her.He put his penis in her vaginia.The teacher started yelling Deeper, Deeper!He said I’m tryig, I’m trying!
Santa’s Army
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the
preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He
grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. Pastor said, “You
need to join the Army of the Lord!” My friend said, “I’m already in
the Army of the Lord, Pastor.” Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t
see you except at Christmas and Easter?” He whispered back, “I’m in
the Secret Service.”
Breast Enlargement
A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.”She asks, “How do I do it without surgery?”Her husband answers, “Just rub toilet paper between them.””How does that make them bigger?”, she asks.”I don’t know, but it certainly worked for your ass.”
“Querido director, quiero hacerle una
“Querido director, quiero hacerle una pregunta”, manifiesta Pepito
“Adelante, Pepito”
“�Si usted se muriera, en que animal le gustar�a renacer?”
“Mmmm, pienso que tal vez en perro…”
“No, maestro, no se vale repetir”.
P.M.S.
A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.
After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, “Preacher, I don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS.”
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.
The following week after service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
Tres ermita�os, a los que
Tres ermita�os, a los que casi no les gusta hablar, se encuentran sentados a la entrada de una cueva; en eso, pasa un caballo a toda prisa. Un a�o despu�s, el primero de ellos dice:
“�Ah, qu� bonito caballo bayo!”
Pasa otro a�o m�s y el segundo de ellos comenta:
“No era bayo, era retinto”.
Dos a�os despu�s, el �ltimo de los anacoretas advierte:
“�Donde sigan discutiendo, me largo de aqu�!”
Your dad’s bald spot
Your dad’s bald spot is so big you could draw an H on it and call it a
helicopter landing pad.