Category: other

Adam and Eve

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.

In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam’s, One covered Eve’s.

As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away.

At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve’s treasure, All covered with hair.

And wonder came, Under Eve’s eyes, As Adam’s thing, Started to rise.

They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart.

The head of Adam’s thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control.

Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve’s treasure, Was all wet inside.

The joy was good, She wouldn’t let loose, Until Adam’s thing, Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.

So pull down your pants, And lay in the grass, Cause I’m in the mood, For a piece of that ASS!

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
answer?
“3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7”.

Smith and Jones were playing racquetball in the local gym. After the game, they went into the locker room to change, and Smith is amazed to see Jones wearing a lace bra and garter belt.Smith: “My God, Jones, when did YOU start wearing women’s underwear?”Jones: “Ever since my wife found them in the glove compartment of my car!”

A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and says, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”The husband says, “Wow! That’s great! I’m so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?”She says, “I don’t care. Just get the hell out!”

It was three o’clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. “Please come quickly!” she yelled, “I just saw a naked man outside my window!”The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady’s room.”Where is he?” asked the receptionist.”He’s over there,” replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. “It’s probably a man who’s getting ready to go to bed,” she said reassuringly. “And how do you know he’s naked, you can only see him from the waist up?””The dresser, honey!” screamed the old lady. “Try standing on the dresser!”

yo mama reminds me of a quirl becuse she always haves nuts in her mouth

What do you call a nun with insomnia?
A roman Catholic!

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Good bar.

I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and
Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, �Hey Sweetheart, how’d
you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?�

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure
Almond Joy!

I couldn’t help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that
this little Twix had the Red Hoots.

It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went
up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream �Oh Henry, Oh Henry!�

Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn’t be long
before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky
Way.

She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, �Hey Chick let, no kinky stuff.� I
said, �Look you little Reese’s Pieces, don’t be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why
don’t you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit ‘O’ Honey?�

(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)

She screamed, �Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!� as I rammed
my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was giving it to her Good ‘N’ Plenty, when all the sudden… my
Starburst!

Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and
complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

God created the mule, and told him, “You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.  You will eat grass and lack intelligence.  You will live for 50 years.”

Un m�dico llevaba a su hija de 4 a�os al preescolar. La ni�a tom� el estetoscopio que el doctor hab�a dejado en el asiento del auto, y comenz� a jugar con �l.

Enternecido y lleno de ogullo, el doctor pens�: “�Vaya, mi hija quiere seguir los pasos de su padre!”

Entonces, la ni�a habl� hacia el instrumento: “Bienvenidos a MacDonald’s. �Puedo tomar su orden?”

The sky was dark,
The moon was high.
All alone,
Just her and I.

Her hair so soft,
Her eyes so blue.
I knew just what,
She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft,
Her legs so fine.
I ran my fingers,
Down her spine.

I didn’t know how,
But I tried my best.
To place my hand,
On her breasts.

I remember my fear,
My fast beating heart.
But slowly she spread,
Her legs apart.

And when she did it,
I felt no shame.
All at once,
The white stuff came.

At last it’s finished,
It’s all over now.
My first time,
Milking a cow!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. ”Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” ”One penny?!” exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, ”Yes.” So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, ”Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?” ”Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, ”but all that comes to real money.” ”How much money?” inquires the guy. ”Four cents,” he replies. ”Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. ”Where’s the guy who owns this place?” The barman replies, ”Upstairs with my wife.” The guy says, ”What’s he doing with your wife?” The bartender replies, ”Same as what I’m doing to his business.”