Category: other

Ingredients:
—————–
2 x Laughing Eyes
2 x Well-shaped Legs
2 x Loving Arms
2 x Firm Milk Containers
2 x Nuts
Fur-lined mixing bowl
Firm Banana

Method:
————
1. Look into laughing eyes.

2. Spread well-shaped legs slowly.

3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until
fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently
with finger.

4. Meanwhile ensure that loving arms are attached to firm banana.

5. Add firm banana to fur-lined mixing bowl gently. Work in and
out until well creamed. For best results continue to knead milk
containers.

6. As heat rises plunge banana deep into fur-lined mixing bowl,
cover with nuts, sigh with relief. Leave to soak (preferably not
overnight).

7. The cake is cooked when the banana is soft. If the banana
doesn’t soften, repeat method or change mixing bowl.

8. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen be sure to wash utensils
carefully after use.

Please Note:

DO NOT LICK MIXING BOWL AFTER BANANA SOFTENS.
IF CAKE “RISES” LEAVE TOWN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

La mujer se pone un vaporoso neglig� y trata de excitar al hombre que est� en la cama leyendo el Newsweek.

Nada.

La f�mina se quita la bata para mostrar lo que hay debajo. El esposo sigue leyendo su revista. Con un ligero retint�n en la voz, la esposa le pregunta:

“�Qu� ha tra�do la revista de interesante?”

“Un art�culo donde dicen que cient�ficos de la Universidad de Tokio han logrado probar que tener relaciones sexuales prolonga la vida”.

Acto seguido, el tipo coloca la revista en la mesita de noche y apaga la luz.

“Hasta ma�ana, amorcito”, dice.

“Hasta ma�ana… �SUICIDA!”

Why are there no [ethnic] Paratroopers?

It’s against international law to through trash out of a plane.

Adam and Eve

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.

In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam’s, One covered Eve’s.

As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away.

At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve’s treasure, All covered with hair.

And wonder came, Under Eve’s eyes, As Adam’s thing, Started to rise.

They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart.

The head of Adam’s thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control.

Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve’s treasure, Was all wet inside.

The joy was good, She wouldn’t let loose, Until Adam’s thing, Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.

So pull down your pants, And lay in the grass, Cause I’m in the mood, For a piece of that ASS!

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for
a few
minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, “Seven points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”

“Touchdown. I’m ahead 7 to nothing.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown,
tie score.”

After about ten minutes the old man farts again and says,
“Touchdown

I’m
ahead 14 to 7.”

Now starting to get into it, the wife quickly farts again and
says
“Touchdown, tie score.”

The old man, not to be outdone, strains really hard but to no
avail.

He
can’t fart! So, not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it
everything he
has, trying for one more fart. Straining real hard, the old man
shits
the bed.

The wife asks, “What in the hell was that?”

The old man replies, “Half-time… switch sides.”

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
answer?
“3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7”.

Un se�or fue a una tienda en un barrio chino y vio que estaban vendiendo un rat�n de oro. Le dio curiosidad y pregunt� al due�o:

“�Y ese rat�n de oro para qu� es?”

“Eso es de una leyenda antigua y la historia es muy larga. Si lo compra hay que comprar la historia aparte.”

“Entonces, compro el rat�n.”

“�No quiere la historia?”

“No.”

Y el tipo se fue con el rat�n. Al rato se dio cuenta que lo persegu�an muchos ratones. Al llegar a su casa, �sta se llen� r�pidamente de ratones. Preocupado, el tipo sali� a caminar, seguido por todos los ratones, tir� el rat�n de oro a una alcantarilla y los ratones se metieron al la acantarilla y se ahogaron.

El tipo regres� a la tienda y el due�o le dice al verlo llegar: “�Vino por la historia, no?”

“No. �Vine a ver si ten�a un abogado de oro!

What do you call two Vietnamese in a Trans Am?

The Gooks of Hazard.

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only this time…
you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on it’s head.”

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?Fish.

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s flatmate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his flatmate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the flatmate than met the eye.

Reading his mum’s thoughts, John volunteered, ‘I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just flatmates.’

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, ‘Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’

John said, ‘Well, I doubt it but I’ll write her an email just to be sure.’

So he sat down and wrote,
‘Dear Mother, I’m not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house and I’m not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner’

Several days later john received an email from his mother which read,
‘Dear Son, I’m not saying that you do sleep with Julie and I’m not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mum.’

Un hombre est� en la cama con su amante cuando de repente se oye que alguien est� abriendo la puerta de la casa.

“�Rapido, v�stete!”

“Joder, �y ahora que hacemos?”

“D�jame a m�, que yo distraigo a mi marido.”

Total, que va la mujer, se pone una bata, y le dice a su marido: “�Pepe, t� que est�s vestido, podr�as sacar la basura? Asi, el marido se va a llevar la basura, mientras el amante se escapa tranquilamente, y por la calle va pensando: “Hay que ver lo lista que es Maria, no como mi esposa, que es tonta perdida la pobre.”

Total, que llega a su casa, abre la puerta, y se encuentra a su esposa vestida con una bata que le dice: “Manolo, t� que est�s vestido, podr�as sacar la basura?” As� que coge la basura y la baja a la calle pensando: “Joder, desde luego hay que ver lo vaga que es la boba de mi esposa, �todo el d�a en casa y no tiene tiempo ni de sacar la basura!”