Category: other

Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?
– They don’t want to wear out the camel.

My brother was ‘in with a promise’ and so went into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.”That will be $1.08, please,” says the clerk.”What’s the 8 cents for?” asked my brother.”It says one dollar right here on the packaging.””Tax,” replies the clerk.”Gee,” says the ditz, “I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put.”

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. “1,228,” he answered. “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”

Una viejita, viendo la televisi�n en la noche, comienza a oir ruidos en la azotea. Se asoma por la ventana y pregunta con voz temerosa:

“�Quien anda ah�?”

Y otra voz, en tono agresivo contesta: “�Tu chingada madre…!”

La viejita se queda pensativa un momento y vuelve a preguntar: “No… �ya en serio!”

A little girl is walking her dog, when a priest comes along and says, “Hello, little girl. What’s your name?”

She says, “Rosepetal.”

He says, “That’s a nice name.”

She says, “Yeah. When I was a little baby a rose petal fell on my head and my daddy’s called me Rosepetal ever since.”

The priest says, “That’s so nice. Is this your doggy?”

She says, “Yeah.”

The priest says, “What’s his name?”

She says, “Porky.”

He says, “Oh, I guess he likes to eat pork.”

She says, “No. He likes to fuck pigs.”

A guy goes up to a hooker and says,how much?, The hooker says, 50 bucks, the guy says ,American Express?,The hooker says, go as fast as you want.

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”

The other replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken shit.”

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me.” Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”

So the man humbly returns to his friend. “So what did she say?” he asks.

“She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

Viene esta se�ora de 85 a�os y le dice a su cirujano pl�stico que le haga un trabajo para quitar tantas arrugas. El cirujano la mira y le dice:

“Llega usted en buena hora porque acabo de inventar un estupendo procedimiento. Consta de ponerle un tornillo en la parte superior de su cabeza y cada vez que se le arrugue su cara ajusta el tornillo poco a poco. La se�ora, con toda la alegr�a del mundo, accede.

A los dos meses vuelve la se�ora al consultorio del cirujano y le dice:

“Usted es un cirujano mediocre, m�reme las bolsas que tengo en los ojos y ya me canse de ajustar el bendito tornillo este.”

El doctor la mira con cara de enojo y le contesta:

“Vieja bruta, le dije ajuste poco a poco. Eso que tiene en los ojos no son bolsas de agua, �son sus senos!”

Jaimito escribe una carta a los Reyes Magos:

“�Queridos Reyes Magos! Este a�o quiero un coche teledirigido…. �No, no, esto no vale!” Rompe la carta y empieza otra.

“�Queridos Reyes Magos! Este a�o he sido muy bueno, y quiero una bicicleta…..�No,no, esto tampoco vale!” la parte y empieza otra.

“�Queridos reyes magos! Este a�o he sido un ni�o muy, muy bueno y quiero una Playstation y… �Que no, que tampoco vale!”

Entonces va a la Iglesia, y coge del Portal de Bel�n al ni�o Jes�s y comienza una nueva carta: “Queridos Reyes Magos: Tengo al ni�o Jes�s en el bolsillo… A ver lo que haceis.

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real peopleand telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ”Well, why is that, sir?” The doctor answered, “The men’s brains cost more, for they have never been used.”

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling. But I don’t have any worries or troubles.Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

Estaba Jaimito en su clase de arte, cuando en eso le tocaba salir a exponer su trabajo, y la maestra lo llama al frente.

Jaimito va y entonces confiesa a todos que no hab�a hecho nada, pero dice que preparo un acto de magia y la maestra acepta.

“Maestra, tr�igame una carpeta y si�ntese usted en ella”, dice jaimito.

“Bueno”, responde la maestra.

“Ya, cierre los ojos y ponga las manos debajo de la crapeta igual que yo”, ordena Jaimito.

“Ya, est� bien”, dice la maestra.

“Ok, t�meme un dedito”, dice jaimito.

“Ya.”

Entonces Jaimito levanta las dos manos y exclama:

“�Magia!”