Category: other

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the
following people are stranded:

• 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
• 2 French men and 1 French woman
• 2 German men and 1 German woman
• 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
• 2 English men and 1 English woman
• 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
• 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
• 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere
…

• 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
• The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
  “menage a trois.”
• The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate
  with the German woman.
• The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
  cleaning and cooking for them.
• The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
  English woman.
• The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the
  woman and started swimming.
• The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the
  woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of
  feminism. But at least it’s not snowing and the taxes are low.
• The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and
  setting up a distillery. They don’t remember if sex is in the picture,
  cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey,
  but at least they know the English aren’t getting any…

Two residents of an old people’s home are getting it on.

The woman stops and says to the old man, “I think I ought to warn you I have acute angina.”

The old man looks at her and says: “Yeah, and your boobs aren’t bad either!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

In a small town in the rural south, poor, fun-loving, good-ole’-boy
Billy Bob died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad, and the morgue needed
someone to identify the body. So, his two buddies, Jimmy Lee and Donnie Ray,
went down to the morgue.

Jimmy Lee went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Jimmy Lee said “Yep, he’s burnt so bad, I can’t tell from the front. Roll him over.”

So the mortician rolled him over. Jimmy Lee took one look at his ass and
said “Hell no, that ain’t Billy Bob.”

The mortician didn’t say anything but thought that was kind of
strange. Then he brought in Donnie Ray to identify. the body. Donnie Ray took a look at him and said “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, rollhim over.”

The mortician rolled him over. Donnie Ray looked down at his ass and said
“No, that ain’t Billy Bob.”
The mortician said “How can you tell?” Donnie Ray said “Well, Billy Bob had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.

“Yep, everybody in town knew he had two assholes. Hell, every time we went
to town, somebody would shout out: Here comes Billy Bob with them
two
assholes!”

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.They hear her say, “Oh, Jim, you’re going where no man has gone before!”The six-year-old says to his brother, “He must be fucking her up the ass!”

How are procrastination and masturbation alike?

At first its all fun, but then in the end u just realize your fucking yourself.

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her
friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him
‘Father’.
The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into
a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2”, hard-bodied stripper…………
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…’.”

After a very successful career, a former Human Relations guru found herself at
the pearly gates.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St.Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human
Resources Director make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with
you, so what we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven
and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

With that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and went down to hell.
The doors opened, and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a
beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club, and standing in front
of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with – and
they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up, kissed
her and talked about old times.

They played an excellent round of golf, and at night went to the country club,
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who
was

actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes
and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was
time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and

waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates, and she found St.
Peter waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she
spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and
singing. She had a great time, and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and
St. Peter came and got her and asked her to choose.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say
this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better
time in Hell.” So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened, she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The
Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was
a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a
great time. Now, all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look
miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday, we were recruiting you, today
you’re staff.”

Manolo va al doctor y se�alando varias partes de su cuerpo con el dedo �ndice le dice:

“Doctor, me toco ac� y me duele, me toco aqu�, de este otro lado y me duele, me toco en este otro lado y tambi�n me duele, �que es lo que tengo doctor?”

Y el doctor le contesta:

“�Lo que usted tiene es el dedo quebrado, imb�cil!”

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
“What are those for?”

The elderly gentleman replied, “There are just two things I can’t stand…
“the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!”

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater.

“That man beside me is fumbling his crotch”, one whispers to the other.

“Just ignore it”, is the answer.

“Easy for you to say. He’s using my hand!”.

Three guys were applying for the priesthood. The Cardinal was going to give them a test. He tied a bell attached to a string on each of their penises. He told them that he was going to show them pictures of naked girls and if the bells rang then they would flunk the priesthood test.He showed the first guy the pictures and nothing happened. “you passed”, the Cardinal said.He showed the naked girls to the second guy. Nothing happened. “you passed.”He showed the pictures to the third guy. Nothing happened.The Cardinal said “all of you passed.” The Cardinal turned to put away the pictures but dropped them. He bent over to pick them up and all three bells went “ding, ding,ding.”