There were these three ducks sitting in a pond. A police officer, Officer Duckey, came by one day and saw them there. He decided to arrest the ducks and take them to see the magistrate. When in the courtroom, the magistrate called the first duck to the stand. he said to the first duck, “What were you doing in the pond?” The duck replied, “I was just blowing bubbles in the water.” The magistrate says, “Well, there isn’t anything wrong with that. You may go.” Next he calls up duck number two.”What were you doing in the pond?” Duck number two says the same as number one.”I was just blowing bubbles in the pond.” The magistrate says, “Nothing wrong with that. You may leave.” Finally he calls the third duck up to the stand.”What were you doing in the pond?” The third duck gets a huge grin on his face and says, “I’m Bubbles.”
Category: other
Va un tipo en su
Va un tipo en su coche por la carretera, cuando ve un letrero en una desviaci�n:
“Burdel de las Hermanitas de la Caridad, 1 Km”.
Al tipo le pica la curiosidad y se dirige hacia all�. Al final del camino, se encuentra un convento antiguo con un letrero que dice:
“Burdel de las Hermanitas de la Caridad”.
El degenerado tipo llama al port�n y le abre una monjita, quien lo hace pasar. En la entrada de un pasillo se encuentra otra monjita con un cepo y un letrero que dice:
“Pague por adelantado: $500 pesos”.
El fulano saca sus $500, los mete al cepo, y se va por el pasillo. Al final del pasillo hay una puerta, el tipo la abre y va a dar al lugar en donde dej� su coche. All� ve un letrero que dice:
“Se lo han cogido las Hermanitas de la Caridad. Vuelva pronto”.
Jackson’s new song
Michael Jackson starred in a CBS prime time special Friday in which the King of Pop sang his number one hits.
He’s beyond pop music now.
Classical music fans can’t wait to hear his first symphony, rumored to be called “Lewd Conduct with a Minor”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Crack with a rock
Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner.
They notice Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was.
They ask the waiter who replies “Oh Sister, those are nuts.”
She answers “Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?”
“No. The kind you rock on a crack.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Dos ni�os se sentaron a
Dos ni�os se sentaron a la mesa para la cena, cuando uno le pregunta al otro:
“Oye, �tu rezas antes de comer?”
A lo que el otro responde:
“No, mi mam� s� cocina bien…”
You know you’re Middle Aged if…
You�ve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.
The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car�in the �ten items or less� lane.
You�ve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.
You�ve found yourself discussing rain gutters.
You remember your kid�s names, just not always the right one.
You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.
You buy �age-defying� makeup and �antiwrinkle� creams and believe they work.
You�ve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.
As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.
You�ve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic��for the last time in a generation�
You�d pay good money to be strip-searched.
Wal-Mart and target seem to share your fashion sense.
The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.
You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag�in less than five minutes.
You know what Earth Shoes are.
You think if you hear �Stairway to Heaven� one more time your head will explode.
Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.
On Saturday night, when your wife mentions �hot oil, a little friction, and squealing,� you tell her you�ll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.
Old vs. Young!
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him.
The boy’s hair was yellow, green, orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes.
The old man just stared at him.
The boy said, “What’s the matter, old man, haven’t you ever done anything wild in your life?”
The old man answered, “Well yes, actually I have. I once got drunk and screwed a parrot…
I was just wondering if you were my son!”
Moron joke
Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said “These look like deer tracks,”
and the other moron said, “No, they look like moose tracks.”
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Pastor’s Ass
A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told there was a
fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he
ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as
well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST’S ASS SHOWS.
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and this time it won.
The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest
not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the
donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the
donkey, so she sold it to a farmer
for ten dollars.
The next day, the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey
and lead it to the plains where it
could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Pretzels
Two pretzels walk into a dark alley… one was a salted.
Un tipo llega borracho y
Un tipo llega borracho y de madrugada a su casa. Como no tra�a las llaves consigo, se dirige al patio de su casa y ve que su perro lleva un periquito muerto en el hocico.
“�Dios m�o, si es el loro de la vecina!”, exclama el sujeto.
El hombre se inquieta y, apenado, pone al ave en la jaula de la vecina y se va a dormir. Al d�a siguiente, cuando se despierta, ve que su esposa est� llorando y pregunta la causa; la mujer le informa:
“Es que se muri� la vecina”.
“Pero, �c�mo es posible?, si ayer la vi en perfectas condiciones.
“Es que le dio un infarto, porque ayer enterr� al loro que se le muri�, y �ste apareci� en su jaula esta ma�ana”.
Zap
There was a alien and a Man at a Bar
The Alien Kept touching the Man and saying zap. The man said stop
The Alien did it again and the man said seriously stop.
The Alien then did it again and the man said if you do it again
I will cut of your dick.
The Alien does it again and the man pulls down his pants, but
there is nothing there and the man said how do you have sex.
The Alien looks at him and says Zap.