Category: other

One day a Canadian an Indian and an American went to a cliff.

The American says “Lets each throw something over the cliff
that we have too much of in our countries.”

The American throws $100. The other two say “What’d ya do that
for? The American replies “Money we’ve got plenty of it in the US.

The Indian pulls out a bag of weed and throws it over. The other
two say “What’d ya do that for? The Indian relpies “Drugs, we’ve got
it too much in India.”

The Canadian throws the Indian over the cliff. The American says
“That was kinda cold, what was that for?” The Canadian replies:
We’ve too much of that in our country.

What’s green and flies over Poland?

Peter Panski.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in
America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I
want to open a damn checking account.” To which the astonished woman replies, “I
beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.”
So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to
tell him about her situation. They both return and the manager asks the old
geezer, “What seems to be the problem here?” “There’s no friggin problem,
dammit!” the man says, “I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I
want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!” “I see,” says the
manager, “and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes
up,”what the hell was that?”. The truck driver replies,
“some kinda animal, go back to sleep.”

Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”, “some kinda animal
again.”

Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, “What the hell was that?”,
“Some [ethnic] bastard!”. “How terrible”,says the hitch-hiker, “but there
were 3 bangs”

The truck driver replies, “Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to
get the bastard. . .”

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they were a few miles from home when their car ran out of gas. They were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas. The driver of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his tank, but he didn’t have a bucket or can.One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if he could use that. He said yes, and proceeded to drain a couple quarts of gas into the pan. He waved good-bye to the nuns and left.The nuns were carefully pouring the precious fluid into their gas tank when the highway patrol came by.The trooper stopped and watched for a minute, then he said: “Sisters, I don’t think it will work, but I surely do admire your faith!”

A nun dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter says to her, “I’m sure you’ve lead a
virtuous life, Sister, but before I can let you into heaven, you must answer one
question. What,” asks St. Peter,”were Eve’s first words when she saw Adam?”
“Boy,” says the nun, “that’s a hard one.”
“That’s right!” says St. Peter, and the pearly gates open wide.

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.”Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked.”Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.””You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested.”Sectional schmectional,” she said shrugging.”All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!”

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money, and
never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it!

your so stupid you got stuck inside a super market and starved

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were
all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they
arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred
and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what
happened. �Well,� said the American, �I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the
gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to
die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course
I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was
back here.”
“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other
two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price
and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his.”

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