What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A jolly green giant.
Category: other
Peckers
Some women are offended by the restaurant Hooters, so this joke
is for those women.
I have recently received many complaints about our restaurant,
Hooters. It seems many women are offended by the degrading
messages sent from this restaurant. So, to make them feel
better, we have made a new restaurant they will enjoy. It is
called Peckers.
All of the waiters will be males with no shirts and will wear
tights. Our speciality food will be foot-long hot dogs.
1. El uniforme es opcional.
1. El uniforme es opcional.
2. Las reglas son francamente sencillas.
3. No existen l�mites de tiempo.
4. Rara vez se dice de �l: ‘Este encuentro est� arreglado’.
5. No se suspende por lluvia.
6. El n�mero de jugadores var�a de acuerdo con los participantes.
7. No hay �rbitros que lo echen a perder.
8. Se puede hacer todo el esc�ndalo que uno quiera y el contrincante no pierde la concentraci�n.
9. Carece de entrenadores gritones y malhumorados.
10. El calentamiento cobra un nuevo significado.
11. Es posible jugar s�lo… aunque no sea igual de entretenido.
12. La cancha donde se practique, es lo de menos.
13. Nadie reclama si hay mano dentro del �rea.
14. Todos disfrutan de los tiempos extra.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history… well, till about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. World’s greatest Motorcycles.
10. World’s greatest Cars.
Bush's Advisors
G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, “Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you.” She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, “Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” Tony Blair replies, “It’s me!” and hangs up.G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, “Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Cheney says, “Wow, that’s a tough one. Let me get back to you.” So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, “Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn’t your sister and it isn’t your brother. Who is it?” And Colin Powell says, “It’s me!” So Cheney calls Bush and says, “It’s Colin Powell.” And Bush says, “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
Which End?
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young
man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.
When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his
fork, held it up and smirked, “Is this pig?” Another guest,
sitting opposite, asked quietly, “Which end of the fork are you
referring to?”
Un matrimonio en aniversario de
Un matrimonio en aniversario de bodas. El esposo llora desconsoladamente.
“Pero, �qu� te pasa querido?”
“�Te acuerdas que tu pap� nos llev� ante el comisario y �l me dijo que si no me casaba me met�a quince a�os preso?”
“S�, mi amor.”
“Bueno, �hoy saldr�a en libertad!”
Sticky
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
Stuttering Dilemma
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter
in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s
dep-p-p-partment?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s
dep-p-p-partment?” Again the clerk doesn’t answer him.
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s
dep-p-p-partment?”
And the clerk seems to ignore him. Finally the guy storms off in
anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the
clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer the guy’s question?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to
get the s-s-snot b-b-beat out of m-m-m-me?”
Gettin a sperm count
A 75-year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.
Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your NEIGHBOR?” The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn’t get the damn jar open!”
Eran dos amigos, Pepe y
Eran dos amigos, Pepe y Ra�l, que estaban acostados sobre la hierba en la plaza. Los dos no ten�an dinero ni manera de conseguirlo. Pepe le dice a Ra�l:
“Si trajeras $20 pesos, te daba mis nalgas”.
“No, no traigo ni un cinco”.
“Bueno, si quieres me puedes pagar hasta la otra semana”, propone Pepe.
Motor Pool
The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know
how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, ”We’ve got twelve trucks, ten
utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around
in.” There was a stony silence for a second or two.
”Do you know who you are speaking to?”
”No,” said Paddy.
”It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.”
”Well, do you know who you are talking to?”
”No,” roared the colonel.
”Well thank goodness for that,” said Paddy as he hung up the phone.