Category: other

Afrontando toda la ingenuidad de Tarzan, el d�a que Jane lo conoci� le dio una clase de sexualidad:

“Mira, Tarzan, eso que tienes ah� colgando entre las piernas es tu trapito y esto que tengo aqu� es una lavadora… �Y t� debes lavar ese trapito en esta lavadora!”

Ese d�a y los siguientes cinco d�as con sus noches Tarzan estuvo lave y lave, y cuando Jane logr� respirar le dijo:

“�Mira, Tarzan, la lavada del trapito no puede ser tanta ni tan seguido, porque se te puede gastar!”

Con aquel comentario, el Hombre Mono se apart� un poco de Jane. Pero, despu�s de pasar un mes sin que �ste usara la lavadora, Jane, extra�ada, le pregunt�:
preocupada:

“Tarzan, �qu� te pasa? �Por qu� no has querido usar m�s mi lavadora?”

“�Es que Tarzan aprender a lavar a mano!”

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as
lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese
tortures known to man.”

“Ok,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and
entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and
had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she
couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s
warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could
bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was
careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn’t hear. Near dawn he
crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock
on his chest with a note on it that read, “Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on
chest.” “Well, that’s pretty crappy,” he thought. “If that’s the best the old
man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up,
walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed
another note on it that read: “Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to
the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large
sign on the ground that read, “Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to
bedpost.”

Hab�a una gran fiesta en Los Pinos, y much�sima gente asisti�. Dos hombres charlaban entre los invitados, mientras uno de ellos pon�a su ‘objetivo en la mira’:

“Oye, �qui�n es esa chica?”, le pregunta uno al otro.

“No lo s�, �por qu� no vas con ella y averiguas?”

El sujeto se dirigi� a donde estaba la dama, y le pregunt� si quer�a bailar, a lo que ella responde:

“Mire, no puedo bailar por tres razones: primera, est� usted muy borracho; segunda, el Himno Nacional no se baila y, tercera, yo soy el Cardenal de Puebla”.

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.Startled, he drops a bar of soap. ‘Oh look,’ says the second nun, ‘a soap dispenser.’To test her theory she also pulls his dick… and sure enough he drops the last bar of soap.The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her delight she yells, ‘Look, hand cream!’

Q:whats the difference between a jew and a pizza
A:the pizza doesnt scream when you stick it in the oven

Her car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing on-coming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the hell is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” says the lady, calmly.

“Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?” Screams the cop.

“Those are my emergency flashers!” she replied!

Yo’ mama so fat, she got more rolls than a bakery!

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, “It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid.”

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, “When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here.”

What’s the difference between a hotel and a fanny?
You don’t have to leave your bags outside a hotel.

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all
those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE: Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.

QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.

TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.

JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.

HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.

ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.

HAPPY: Paid too much.

WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.

COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.

WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.

SHOULD GO FAR: Please.

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.

VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.

DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.

Don’t Hate me because i’m beatiful
Hate me because because Your Boyfriend thinks so

Dont’ call me the princess dont call me the queen just call me
the cuttest gurl u have ever seen

from Sally(real name)

What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A jolly green giant.