Category: other

Why do black people hate aspirin?

• They’re white.
• They work.
• And you have to pick cotton to get to them.

A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.” “Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.” “Okay,” said the man.”Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

Jaimito va al comedor donde sus padres est�n charlando con una visita y dice gritando:

“�Mam�, quiero hacer caca!”

La madre, apenad�sima, se lo lleva al cuarto de ba�o y le dice: “Mira, Jaimito, la pr�xima vez que quieras hacer caca, di que quieres silbar, de acuerdo?”

“S�, mam�…”

Esa misma noche, Jaimito se levanta y va al dormitorio de sus padres, que est�n dormidos.

Tras achuchar un poco a la madre, le dice: “Mam�, mama�, que quiero silbar…”

Y la madre, todav�a sin despertarse del todo, le contesta:

“Bueno, pues s�lbale a tu padre en la oreja…”

Midget worked for a farmer all his life so the farmer said to him one day, “you have been working for me all your life so pick any where in the world to go and I will send you tommorow.”
So the midget said ” I wanna go to New York city”
The very next day the midget wass walking up the streets of New York looking up at all the tall people. He noticed a big glass thing going up the side of a building. He thought I wanna ride on that. So three storys up a big black guy got on the elevator. He looked up and said ” You must be the biggest blackest niga I ever seen.
The guy said ” Yup, I have a 6 foot dick 6 inches wide and my name is Turner Brown.”
The midget fainted. The black guy Was shaking him saying ” Whats wrong with you man.”
The midget said ” Can you repeat yourself?”
The black guy said ” I have a dick 6 feet long 6 inches wide and my name is Turner Brown.”
The midget said ” Phew, I thought you said Turn a round.”

An aggie, one of the elderly types, proceeded to try out
for a part in a local College Station play. Sympathizing
with his zeal for the part, the cast director agreed to
include him in it, but under two conditions, he’d better do
a heck of good job, and he would only get one line in the
entire play: “Hark! the cannon just fired!”

So the elderly aggie goes home, brags to all his friends about it,
and continually yells:

“Hark! the cannon just fired!”

“Hark! the cannon just fired!”

Finally on the night of the performace, during the highlight of
the play, the booming sound of a menacing cannon shakes the
entire theatre, the audience, in complete awe and silence…
At the top of his lungs the aggie shouts:

“What the hell was that?!”

A Scotsman is sitting at the bar with his pint of beer, when a fly
suddenly lands in the glass.

The Scot yanks the fly out of the beer, grabs it by the throat, and
yells: “Damn you! Spit that back out!”

How do you kill all the mexicans in the world?

Bomb a swap meet.
*****************************
Why do all the mexicans go to a funeral?

For the free food.
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What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?

A mudslide.
*****************************
Why are black people afraid of motocycles?

Because they sound like they’re saying, “Run niga niga niga, run niga niga niga…”
*****************************
what do you call a bunch of white people in the middle of a larger group of black people?

A Ho-Ho.
*****************************
What do you call a bunch of white people in a yellow bus?

A twinkie.
*****************************
How do white people get away with breaking the law?

They say “Sorry officer. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.”

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he
could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case
of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why
don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will
bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow
over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you
got.” The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the
handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right,
Get in.”

You’re so ugly, your dog has to close its eyes when it humps your leg!

Signs That You’re A Heavy Drinker

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.

7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Convenience, or Coincidence?

8. Two hands and just one mouth now THAT’S a drinking problem.

9. Every woman you see has an exact twin.

10. You fall off the floor.

11. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, so forget dinner!

12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

13. I’m not drunk – you’re just sober!!

14. You don’t recognize your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass.

15. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

16. You’ve fallen and can’t get up!

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month’s outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside. After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him–he sauntered in.

“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?”

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone; “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep ’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?

A: Foreign Ambassador