Category: other

A un hombre le toca la loter�a y se va a celebralo al puticlub m�s caro de Madrid. Al llegar pide la puta m�s cara del local. El jefe le manda a una habitaci�n y le dice que se vaya desnudando.

Aparece una puta vestida �nicamente con un liguero y un delantal, tirando de un carrito de helados.

La puta le pone una bola de chocolate en la puntita del capullo, despu�s una de lim�n, m�s tarde una de fresa, finalmente lo recubre todo con nata y lo adorna con sirope de fresa y dos barquillos. Entonces dice:

“Y ahora, te la voy a comer entera.”

A lo que �l responde:

“�Est�s loca, ahora me la como yo!”

1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it’s the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes
and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls’ testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a
computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short
time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign,
looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office
manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the
least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager
said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.
He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then
jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The
sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and
went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program
that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally
dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very
intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t
give you the job.” The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put
his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, “Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual”.
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said “Meow.”

En una convenci�n de la ciencia se encontraban un cient�fico ingl�s, uno franc�s y uno espa�ol.

El ingl�s dice:

“En mi pa�s despu�s de mucho estudiar y analizar el tema de la clonaci�n hemos creado un animal mezcla de vaca y de camello, que llamamos vacamello. Sus jorobas est�n rebosantes de leche, con las que alimentamos a toda Inglaterra”.

Y dice el franc�s:

“Eso no es nada en mi pa�s hemos creado una mezcla de cerdo y elefante que llamamos cerdifante, y con sus inmensos jamones alimentamos Francia y todo la meseta europea”.

Y dice el espa�ol:

“Eso no es nada, en Espa�a hemos creado una mezcla de luci�rnaga y ladilla que no se como se llama, pero el co�o de mi mujer parece Las Vegas”.

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness,
requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose orally,
so a pharmacologist developed an anal suppository.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good
folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame. Administering the DAILY medication
takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and
one person who wears a full-arm glove.

FIVE people have jobs worse than yours.

Now stop complaining and get back to work!

Una ma�ana despu�s de estar recogiendo fruta en el bosque Blanca Nieves llego a la casa de los enanos pero ellos no se encontraban en casa. Blanca Nieves estaba muy cansada as� que subi� a la rec�mara donde se encontraban las camas las junt�, se quit� la ropa y se durmi� sobre las camas.

Horas despu�s los enanos llegaron a casa despu�s de una larga jornada de trabajo en las minas, subieron a la rec�mara en fila como era costumbre, y cuando el enano que iba en el frente de la fila vio a Blanca Nieves que se encontraba durmiendo desnuda sobre las camas exclam�: “�Una mujer!”, y los dem�s enanos repitieron: “una mujer, una mujer, una mujer” y as� hasta terminar con todos.

Despu�s el enano dijo “�est� desnuda! Est� desnuda, est� desnuda, est� desnuda, est� desnuda”.

“�Es grande!, es grande, es grande, es grande, es grande…”

De pronto Blanca Nieves despert� y se puso de pie y el enano que se encontraba al frente de la fila sorprendido dijo: “�Se par�!”

Y los enanos siguieron:

“�A mi tambi�n, a m� tambi�n, a m� tambi�n, a m� tambi�n…”

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but he’s never around when you need him.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and dropped his fly and said, “Do ya wanna?” Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun, but Jack forgot his condom, and now they have a son.

• A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
• George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.
• Some insects can live up to a year without their heads.
• Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
• A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue!
• A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
• 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
• On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
• John Wilkes Booth’s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln’s son.
• Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
• Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors, also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.
• Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves.
• Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
• An elephant can smell water three miles away.
• Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
• Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his cap to keep him cool! He changed it every 2 innings.
• Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
• A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
• Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton. Before the 1950’s it was made from hemp-the stem and leaves of a marijuana plant.

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.

The chief made a series of weird noises – “screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z” – and then added in perfect English, “Yes, I had a very nice flight.”

Another reporter asked, “Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you’re in the area?”

The chief made the same noises -“screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z” – and then said, “Yes , and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.”

“Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?” asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, “Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z – from the shortwave radio.”

The 2000 Darwin awards!(16 August 1999, Germany) A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own dog on Monday. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in the Black Forest. A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his bereaved dog was howling inside the car. The animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul play.

There is black boy, Malcolm; a white boy, James; and a Mexican girl
Jaunita in a spelling bee at school.

To win the spelling bee the student must spell the word correctly and use
the word in a sentence.

Teacher: James, spell dictate.

James: d-e-c-t-a-t-e

Teacher: Sorry that’s wrong.

Teacher: Juanita spell dictate.

Juanita: d-i-k-t-a-t-e

Teacher: Sorry that’s wrong.

Teacher: Malcolm spell dictate.

Malcolm: d-i-c-t-a-t-e

Teacher: Correct Malcolm. Now use it in a sentence.

Malcolm: Juanita, how my dic tate las nite?