Category: other

There was a young lady from france

who got on a bus in a trance

everyone f***** her

apart from the conductor

but he came twice in his pants.

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do.

After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a
question.

�God,� he said, �What is heaven like?�

God replied, �Well, normally I don’t tell people this, but since you are my
servant, I guess I can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It will have the
best of everything. For example, the French will be the chefs; the Italians will
be the lovers; the English will be the policeman; the Germans will be the
mechanics; and the Dutch will be the politicians!�

The man looked pleased. �What is hell like?� he asked.

�Well,� he said with a sigh, �the French will be the mechanics; the Italians
will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the Germans will be the
policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers.�

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of
ameliorating. If anything, it’s getting worse.

Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that
Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its
branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff
at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff
there fear they may get a raw deal.

Aplicando los avances de la tecnolog�a, los cient�ficos estadounidenses hab�an inventado una m�quina que atrapaba ladrones. Luego de ciertas pruebas, los gringos deciden comprobar en distintos pa�ses la eficacia de la m�quina y la mandan por primera vez a Chile. En menos de 10 minutos la m�quina hab�a atrapado 500 ladrones.

Muy a gusto, los yanquis la env�an a Uruguay; en menos de 15 minutos la m�quina hab�a atrapado 1000 ladrones.

Completamente seguros de su eficacia, la env�an al mercado central de Argentina… La desgracia fue que no hab�an pasado ni cinco segundos cuando ya se hab�an robado la m�quina.

SAGITTARIUS: Nov 22 – Dec 21
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to
rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are
drunks or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal.

La Asociaci�n Hispanoamericana de mujeres se queja (como siempre), ya que seg�n ellas, la gram�tica castellana es machista.

Esto es sacado del diccionario:

Zorro: Espadach�n justiciero
Zorra: Puta

Perro: Mejor amigo del hombre
Perra: Puta

Caminador: Individuo activo; que camina
Caminadora: Puta

Aventurero: Osado; valiente; arriesgado; hombre de mundo
Aventurera: Puta

Ambicioso: Visionario; en�rgico; con metas
Ambiciosa: Puta

Cualquier: Fulanito, Mengano, Zutano
Cualquiera: Puta

Regalado: Apellido; participio del verbo regalar
Regalada: Puta

Bicho: Insecto
Bicha: Puta

Callejero: De la calle; urbano
Callejera: Puta

Hombrezuelo: Hombrecillo; peque�ito
Mujerzuela: Puta

Hombre p�blico: Personaje prominente
Mujer p�blica: Puta

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn’t contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished they fell asleep and didn’t wake up till 8 o’clock.

They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he’s pretty weird).

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. Upset, she asks where he’s been.

The man replies “I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep. That’s why I’m late.”

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, “I see those grass stains on your shoes. You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you!?”

Two Muffins are in an oven First muffin says: “Boy…its hot in here” Second muffin says: “Holy s**t, a talking muffin!”(funniest when said with a proper british accent)

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, “Mama, they made a song in America just for me.” “How does it go, mijo?” “It goes Jose can you see!

An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty
of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

“These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the
bull killed in the ring today.”

The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious.
So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served,
he says to the waiter, “These arms… are much smaller than the ones I had last
night.”

“Yes, senor,” replied the waiter, “You see…the bull, he does not always
lose.

This guy enters a restaurant, and orders a milkshake, “Not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove man, in the groove.”

The cook, who hates to be told how to cook, hears this and gets pissed off, but sends him the milkshake.

The guy then orders a box of fries, “Not too crisp, not too soft, but in the groove man, in the groove.”

The cook is getting really pissed off at this, but he rolls up his sleeves and gets him the box of fries.

Then the guy orders a hamburger, “Not too big, not too small, but in the groove man, in the groove.”

On hearing this, the cook storms out and charges up to the guy, and says, “You can just kiss my ass, not too much to the left, not too much to the right, but in the groove man, in the grooove.”

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.’ His second friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.’ Paddy says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.’ Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. ‘No I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.’