Category: other

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. ”Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

”You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. ”Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ”All right. Get in.” ‘

A man (Mike) and a woman (Sandra) were stranded on a deserted island for many years. They weren’t really in love, but they liked one another very well. They sort of depended on one another as “husband and wife” in their stranded situation.

The morning following a bad storm, a new guy (Joe) washed up on shore. After Joe got to feeling better and had a bit of rest and food, Joe and Sandra immediately realized they shared a VERY strong attraction for one another, but they realized that certain protocols would have to be observed to not upset Mike.

Mike, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, was just glad to have someone new to talk to. “This is wonderful! Now we’ll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts,” Mike commented enthusiastically. Joe was only too happy to help, and in fact volunteered to do the first shift. He climbed up the tall tower and stood watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships.

Soon Mike and Sandra started placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper. Joe yelled down, “Hey, no screwing!”

Mike and Sandra looked at each other with a question on their faces, and yelled back, “We’re not screwing!”

A few minetes later, they started to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again Joe yelled down, “Heeey, no screwing!”

Again they yell back up to Joe, “We’re not screwing!”

Later they started putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again, Joe, the new man, yelled down from high above, “Hey, I said no screwing!!”

The two below yelled back up to Joe, “And we said we’re *not* screwing! Can’t you see that?”

Finally Joe’s eight hour shift was over and Joe climbed down from the tower and Mike started to climb up to take his place. By the time Mike got halfway up, Joe and Sandra were already screwing their brains out.

Once at the top, Mike turned around and looked down and said to himself, “Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they’re screwing!”

What were there only 900 mexicans at the Alamo?

Because they only took two cars.

A fish hit its head on a cement wall.”Dam.”

Why do so many Scottish people have double glazing on their windows?

To stop there children from hearing the ice cream van!

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Why do black people have nightmares?

Because the last one that had a dream got killed!

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The evangelist is getting really worked up, and it’s soon time for the healing portion of the show.”If you believe in the healing power of the Lord, place on hand on the television, and one hand on the part of your body that ails you!” The old man places one hand on the television and one hand on his groin.”Oh, don’t be stupid!” says the old woman.”He said heal, not raise the dead!”

one day a chinese couple wanted to adopt a chinese child so they went on a plane to cina and adopted the chinese child.on there way back on the plane the plane was about to break down,and there were only 2 parachuts and the couple tooke the parachuts and left the child on the plan.when they got home the child was there and the dad said how did you get home so fast. the child replied me chinese me no dumb me hang on to dadys bum dady farts i go zoom and thats how i got home so soon.

Pregunta energicamente el Juez al ladr�n que acababa de hacer de las suyas en una tienda de ropa: “�Pero d�game!, �Qu� no penso en su esposa, en sus hijas?” “Pues la verdad s� pens� su Se�or�a, pero en la tienda s�lo hab�a ropa para hombre.”

What do you call three girls under a Christmas tree

hoe hoe hoe

When God created the earth, Adam & Eve, he found he had two baubles left over. He came to Adam & Eve & said, “I have two things left. One is the gift to piss while standing up.”

Adam got very excited: “Oh, that would be so great, I would really like that. If I’m out in the fields, I can just go right there.”

So Eve smiled & said, “Okay, it sounds like he really wants that.”
As Adam tried out his new gift, he asked out of curiousity, “What was the other gift?”

“Oh,” God said, looking, “Multiple orgasms.”