Category: other

Llega un hijo reciente de Lucifer al infierno, y arriba a la sala de castigo, y se encuentra que hay dos tipos de castigo, la multinacional y la mexicana.

Se acerca a la primera y pregunta cual es el castigo que aplican en ese lugar y obtiene como respuesta, que primero lo sientan en una silla el�ctrica, luego lo acuestan en una cama de clavos y al final del d�a le aplicaran cien latigazos en la espalda.

Espantado corre a la ventanilla, del infierno mexicano, donde observa una cola de espera muy larga, y le pregunta al ultimo de la fila, que cual es el castigo que aplican en el infierno tricolor. El cuestionado le dijo que los mismos que en la otra sala, con la diferencia de que en el asadero mexicano, nunca hay luz, la silla el�ctrica no sirve, los clavos de la cama se los robaron y el diablo azotador viene, firma y se va.

Un t�o llega a un bar, echa una mira en redondo y se acerca a una t�a que est� buen�sima. �sta le dice a manera de recibimiento:

“No pierdas el tiempo conmigo, soy lesbiana”.

“�Y eso qu� es?”, pregunta intrigado.

“Es que me gustan las mujeres”.

El t�o, tras meditar un instante, responde:

“�Creo que yo tambi�n soy lesbiano!”

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend said, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the Secret Service.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday’s sermon he told them, “If one more person confesses to
adultery, I’ll quit!”

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: “fallen.”
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had “fallen.”

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine
for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor.
The priest was quite concerned. “You have to do something about the sidewalks in
this town, Mayor. You can’t believe how many people come into the confessional
talking about having fallen!”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code
word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor
and said –
“I don’t know why you’re laughing; your wife fell three times last week!”

How do you fit four gays on a barstool?

Turn it over.

I used to be an agnostic, but now I’m not so sure.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

What does walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and having an 80 year old woman give you a blow job have in common?

You just have to remember one thing — Don’t look down!!

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people: one person to write the instructions and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people: one to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, and then hired more people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We have no choice but to cutback overall cost.”

So they laid off the night watchman!

Se encontraban dos mendigos de esos viciosos en la calle matando un cachito de marihuana, cuando de pronto pudieron observar que hab�a un billete de $20.000 pesos tirado en la calle.

Desesperados corrieron a cogerlo a ver quien tenia mayor suerte, pero llegaron al tiempo y ambos tomaron el billete de una de las puntas. Para no romperlo, ni dividirlo por partes iguales, decidieron compartirlo y empezaron a discutir en que lo gastar�an.

Despu�s de mucho rato uno le dijo al otro:

“Ya se. Compremos $19.000 en marihuana y $2.000 en salchichon…”

A lo que el otro �ero contest�:

“Parcerito �y no ser� como que mucho salchich�n?”

What do call a Irish seven course dinner?

A potato and a six pack.

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
“How are you grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.

“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it.I go out like a light.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. “What are you people doing,” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?

“Oh, yes,” replies the Sister. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well.

The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!”