Category: other

A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!”

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

“And what’s so funny?!?” the New Yorker demands.

“Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food.”

Why do black people hate country music?

Every time they say “hodown” they think their sister got shot.

A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station.
When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the
driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, I can take
care or that. The scale master asked him how he could fix the problem. The
driver said, let me go around back, and I’ll fix the overweight problem. The
scale master agreed to let him fix his problem. About half an hour later the
truck driver got back on the scales, and the scale master said, driver, you are
still 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver said, I don’t understand what went
wrong. I let 50lbs. out of each tire on the rig. After thinking the problem over
the scale master said, well 18 tires times 50lbs. would equal 900lbs. I guess my
scales must be wrong. I’m sorry driver, you may continue on down the road, and
have a nice day.

Your so dumb you stole free samples.

There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.They went to the first Eskimo’s igloo, where he said “Watch this!” and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. “Not bad” said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.So they went to the second Eskimo’s igloo, and he said “Watch this!” and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor.”Wow, that’s colder than mine!”said the first Eskimo.But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo’s igloo. He said “Watch this!” and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took it, put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went “FFFAAAARRRRTTT”.

100 years when 100 white people chase a black man it was called KKK. What is it called today?The PGA

Pedro was standing in the streets of Rome, thinking, “Look at all those trees. I planted those trees. With my own hands I put every seed in the ground. But did anyone call me Pedro the Gardener? Nooo.”

“And look at all the roads. They are all created by me. I worked day and night for years to complete them. But did anyone call me Pedro the road builder? Nooo.”

“Not to forget, the houses. I build them too. Carefully I placed every single brick, so everyone could stay warm every year. But did anyone call me Pedro the house builder? Nooo.”

“But when I fucked ONE donkey…”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Two hunters were captured in the jungle by a group of savages.

The Chief of the savages looks at the first hunter and says, “Ugabooga or death!”

The hunter looks at the chief and says, “Ugabooga.”

A real big savage grabs the hunter and bends him over a log and has sex with him, after he finishes he lets him go.

The chief looks at the second hunter and says, “Ugabooga or death!”

The second hunter says, “Death!”

The chief says, “Okay, then death, by ugabooga!”

Submitted by Bigmike2563
Edited by Curtis

Un tipo se perdi� en la selva amaz�nica, fue encontrado por una tribu de can�bales y llevado donde el jefe.

Dice el jefe, “Qu� bueno, es para mi cena. Pongan el caldero.”

Ponen el caldero, le echan agua, lo ponen al fuego y al tipo lo meten en la olla.

Al momento de estar all� el tipo empieza a reir a carcajadas. El jefe, asombrado, se levanta del trono y le pregunta por qu� se r�e si lo estan cocinando, y el tipo le responde:

“�Oh, jefe, porque me le cague en la sopa!”

Entra un perro a una oficina con un peri�dico en el hocico. Cuando intentan sacarlo, pone el peri�dico en el suelo y se�ala con una pata un anuncio:

“Solicitamos empleado que sepa escribir a m�quina, experto en Visual Basic y hable varios idiomas. Igualdad de oportunidades: no importa raza, edad o sexo”.

Entendiendo que el animal va en busca de trabajo, lo llevan con el jefe de personal. Este le advierte:

“Sabes, nosotros ten�amos en mente a alguien distinto…”

“�Guau!”, ladra el perro se�alando con su pata la parte del anuncio que dice igualdad de oportunidades.

“Bueno, pero es que el aspirante debe saber escribir a m�quina…”

El can se dirige al escritorio en el que est� la computadora; se trepa a una silla y empieza a teclear con las patas. En pocos minutos sale de la impresora una carta de negocios perfectamente redactada y sin una sola falta de ortograf�a.

“Est� bien, pero es necesario que el aspirante sea experto en Visual Basic”.

El sabueso pone una pata sobre el Mouse y utiliza otra para teclear. En pocos minutos elabora una base de datos perfectamente estructurada y sin un solo error. El jefe de personal, desesperado, se dirige al perro:

“Es que sucede que el aspirante debe hablar varios idiomas…”

El animal se acerca al jefe de personal y comienza:

“Miau…”

Why did Osama Bin Laden cross the road?
He didn’t. There are no roads in Aphganistan

Why did Osama Bin Laden go to the pet store?
To get dinner

How do you stop a Taliban tank?
Shoot the guy that is pushing it

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS AN ASS FUCKING DICK HEAD

�rase una inocente princesa que paseaba por el bosque y que encontr� en una charca el momento adecuado para refrescarse. En eso, oye una voz que le dice:

“�Hola!”

Pero all� no hab�a nadie y, pensando que se trataba de su imaginaci�n, decidi� continuar refresc�ndose la cara, cuando volvi� a o�r:

“�Hola, estoy aqu�!”

La princesa observ� que se trataba de una ranita. �sta le dijo a la inocente princesa que se trataba de un pr�ncipe que hab�a sido encantado por una malvada bruja y que si dorm�a bajo la almohada de una inocente princesa, se volver�a otra vez pr�ncipe y conseguir�a la fortuna perdida. La princesita, que era muy inocente, la llev� al castillo, la puso bajo la almohada y se durmi�.

Y este es el cuento que le cont� la princesa a su padre, cuando al d�a siguiente la encontr� con un t�o en la cama.