Category: other

What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?

Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

One night after prom a guy took a girl on a dead end road and she was like where are we at? The guy replied this is where guys and girls go to have sex after prom! She was like ol ok! The guy was then like do you wanna have sex and the girl replied no and the guy was like why not?!?! The girl was like because im on my period. The guy said ok well then can i eat you out and the again replied no im on my period. So they sat there for awhile and the guy was finally like well then can i finger you and she replied ok. Then not to long after that a cop pulled up and came up and knocked on the window of the car. So the guy rolls down the window and says is there a problem officer? The officer was like no but what are you kids doin and the boy replied while licking his fingers eatin pizza.

It was during the gold rush in the Yukon Territory. Harry Alexander packed a bag, grabbed his Bible, and started out of the tent he shared with Gary Thorndike. Gary asked, “Where are you going?””I’m heading into Fort Dawson. I hear it’s the wildest town anybody’s ever seen. There’s booze you could take a bath in, gambling, and women who’ll drive you crazy with their favours.””Why are you taking your Bible?””Well, if it’s as good as they say, I’m planning to stay over Sunday!”

On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “Because it’s Lent.”Almost in tears, she remarked, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?”

Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with split personality.

What do u call a black priest?

Holy shit!!

A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office. The
husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or
Novocain because I’m in a terrible rush. Just pull the
tooth as quickly as possible.”
“You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which
tooth it is.”

The husband turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth
and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

One day there were three boys walking down the street, and suddenly they heard cries for help. When the boys got to the noise they saw George W. Bush in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning.Dubya asked the boys how he could ever repay him. The first boy said, “I want a boat.”The second boy said, “I want a truck.”And the third boy said, “I want three tombstones with our names all on them.”Dubya asked, “Why is that, son?” The little boy said, “Because when my Dad finds out that we saved you, he is going to kill us all!”

Estaban dos norte�os en un pueblo de Sinaloa, en un billar jugando pool.

Entonces uno de ellos le dice al otro, con tono norte�o:

“Oye compadre, se me hace que yo tengo el pene m�s grande que t�.

Y le contesta el otro: “No jodas compadre, hasta ahorita no hay quien la tenga m�s grande que yo en todo el pueblo.”

Y su compadre le dice: “�qu� tal si las ponemos en la mesa de billar para medirlas?”

Y as� lo hicieron. Al ver eso los otros parroquianos dijeron:

“�Miren. hay competencia en la mesa 2!”, y enseguida todos se la sacaron y las pusieron sobre la mesa.

En eso entran dos maricones al billar, y al ver eso uno de ellos, en seguida le dice al otro:

“�Apurate manita que hay buffet en la mesa 2!”

13> Tom Cruise Control.

12> Spare tire compartment contains a skirt with a long slit to attract potential tire-changing good Samaritans hoping to get lucky.

11> The mirror reads, “Asses in mirror appear smaller because they *really are* smaller. It’s not an optical illusion. And you look totally smokin’ in those khakis.”

10> Whenever an unattractive man turns the ignition, the engine doesn’t start and a voice states, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

9> Radio filters out stupid men’s voices one week out of every month.

8> Out: lumbar support. In: emotional support.

7> Lower-dash-mounted fan — ’cause you try wearing panty-hose all day in July, Mister!

6> In lieu of a honking horn, steering wheel whispers, “You’re fat!” at drivers of threatening cars.

5> Fake steering wheel and pedals on the passenger side so, as in every other aspect of the marriage, hubby can pretend *he’s* in control.

4> During PMS, OnStar system locates the nearest chocolate retailer.

3> At tune-ups, the car requests gasoline with oil separately on the side, dry wiper fluid, towel-patted engine block and please put on the new tires *before* doing the alignment.

2> A simple controller switch adjusts gas/brake pedal positions for flats, office heels or clubbing heels.

1> Cup holder now dubbed the “testicle receptacle” for holding your emasculated PT Cruiser-driving boyfriend’s balls.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

En la alcoba conyugal, la sensual esposa recibe al marido a las tres de la ma�ana dici�ndole:

“Desabrocha mi blusa y d�jala sobre la cama.”

“S�.”

“Ahora el sost�n y ponlo en la silla.”

“Claro.”

“Deja mi falda en el ropero.”

“Bueno.”

“Ahora mis pantys en el cesto.”

“Ya est�.”

“�Y que sea la �ltima vez que te pones mi ropa, maric�n de mierda!”

an ohio state university mortician student walked into the embalming room
where a cadaver was lying on the table. confident that he knew enough now to
begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. when
he rolled it over he was shocked to see a cork in the man’s butt. mystified, he
pulled out the cork and immediately heard the university of michigan fight song
come out of the guy’s butt. shaken by what had happened he quickly shoved the
cork back into its original resting place.

he then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, “sir, you must come,
you won’t believe what i discovered!”

annoyed by the interruption, he said, “let’s take a look at this astounding
discovery.”

when they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to
see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. upon
hearing the university of michigan fight song he quickly replaced the cork in
the cadavers butt and said, “what’s so surprising about that? i’ve heard
thousands of a******* sing that song!”