Category: other

there were three men a polac. german and a Italian and they just robbed a bank. they ran into a barn and the italian hid with the cows, the german hid with the sheep, and the polac hid in a potato sack. the cops came in and ran over to the cow and the italian said moo and the cop said ok their is nottin wrong here. then he ran over to the sheep and the guy said baa baa. the cop then said ok there is nottin wrong here. then he ran over to the potato sack that the Polac guy was in and he kicked it. the polac guy said PPOOTTAATTOO!!!

The Palm Beach PokeyYou put your stylus in, You put your stylus out, You put your stylus in, And you punch Buchanan out.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You put the Gore votes in, You put the Bush votes out, You put the Gore votes in, And you do another count.You do the Palm Beach Pokey and you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You bring your lawyers in, You drag the whole thing out, You bring your lawyers in, And you put it all in doubt.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the vote around, That’s what it’s all about!You let your doctors spin, You let the pundits spout, You let your doctors spin, And your people whine and pout.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You do the Palm Beach Pokey, You do the Palm Beach Pokey, You do the Palm Beach Pokey, That’s what it’s all about!

After 25 years of marriage, Marge decided she needed something to spice up their sex life. As she was browsing around the lingerie dept. at the local sex shop, she came upon a pair of crotchless panties and decided they were just what she needed.Later that evening, while her husband was watching tv, she came strutting out of the bedroom with only the panties on. She asks her husband,”Would you like some of this?” and he replies,”Hell no! Look what it did to those panties!!!!”

what do you call a gay dinosar?

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don’t last as long as light bulbs. A: None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

A new pastor moved into a town, and he went out one day to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came upon this one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally he took out his card, wrote on the back “Revelation 3:20” and stuck it on the back of the door. Revelation 3:20: “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.”Later in the week, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation “Genesis 3:10.”Genesis 3:10: “And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked: so I hid myself.”

A patient goes to a Polish doctor:

Patient: I am having a hard time hearing. I cannot even hear myself cough.
Doctor: Here is a prescription, take the midicine for 7 days, then return for a checkup.

Seven Days Later:
Patient: Thanks a million, doctor. At least, I can hear myself cough now. So what did you do to make me hear better?
Doctor: Not much, I gave you medicine that increased your cough.

A madam decides to retire & get married. Her main requirement in a husband is that he be a virgin. She meets an Australian whom she is convinced is a virgin & marries him. On their honeymoon she says “I’m going to the bathroom & get ready. You get things ready out here.” When she comes out of the bathroom, he has pushed all the furniture out in the hall.”Why did you do that?” she asked. “Well love, I figured if women were anything like kangaroos we’d need all the room we can get”

An old Jewish man was once on the subway, and he sat down next to a younger
man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.
Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, “Excuse me sir, but
why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?”

The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, “I wear this
collar because I am a Father.”

The Jewish man thought a second and responded, “Sir, I am also a Father but
I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?”

The priest thought for a minute and said, “Sir, I am the father for many.”

The Jewish man quickly answered, “I too am the father of many. I have four
sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my
collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?”

The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted
out, “Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people.”

The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long time. As he got
up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said,
“Er… Mister, perhaps, you should wear your pants backwards.”

What three words will a Jewish American Princess never hear?

“Attention K-mart shoppers”

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”

“Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.”‘

“But I made him agree to pay me 200 Euros for every week he stayed.”

“I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.”

“Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind.” He paused for a moment and then said, “I have one more question…”

“What is that, my son?”

“Do I have to tell him the war is over?”

I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S EASY, BUT…She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.She’s turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.She’s been boarded more times than Amtrak.She’s been mounted more often than Trigger.She’s been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins.She’s entertained more troops than Bob Hope.She’s been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.She’s been turned more ways than Rubik’s Cube.She’s spent more time under men than barstools.She’s seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.She’s had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.She’s been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.She’s had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.Her body has been declared a national recreation area.Her diaphragms come with a service contract.She has an IUD with a beeper.She uses industrial strength douche.Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.Her pantyhose has a pet door.She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the Channel Tunnel.