Category: other

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

Something I think you could put on a brthday card. or any other
greetings card.

Front Page.
There’s money on the inside,
There’s money on the INSIDE!
THERE’S MONEY ON THE INSIDE!!!

Inside,

There’s a lie on the outside,
There’s a lie on the OUTSIDE!
THERE’S A LIE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned
bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from
birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell
down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

‘Oh, my,’ said the bunny, ‘I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve
been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also
an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.’

‘It’s quite OK,’ replied the snake. ‘Actually, my story is much the same as
yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell
you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at
least you’ll have that going for you.’

‘Oh, that would be wonderful,’ replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all
over the bunny, and said, ‘Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really
long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that
you must be a bunny rabbit.’

‘Oh, thank you! Thank you,’ cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, ‘Maybe I could feel you all over with my
paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me.’ So the bunny felt the snake
all over, and remarked, ‘Well, you’re scaly and smooth, and you have a forked
tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be either an accountant, or
possibly someone in senior management.’

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an
unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said, “Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.”

“One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my
clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”

That night, on a meal of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, “I don’t fu#ken think so!”

Llaman al m�dico de urgencias:

“�Doctor, mi hijo se ha tragado un preservativo, venga corriendo!”

“S�, s�, voy ahora mismo!”

El doctor estaba recogiendo el malet�n, cuando, de repente, vuelve a sonar el tel�fono:

“�Doctor?”

“�Si?”

“Soy la que le llam� antes. Que ya no hace falta que venga, ya encontramos otro preservativo.”

The Palm Beach PokeyYou put your stylus in, You put your stylus out, You put your stylus in, And you punch Buchanan out.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You put the Gore votes in, You put the Bush votes out, You put the Gore votes in, And you do another count.You do the Palm Beach Pokey and you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You bring your lawyers in, You drag the whole thing out, You bring your lawyers in, And you put it all in doubt.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the vote around, That’s what it’s all about!You let your doctors spin, You let the pundits spout, You let your doctors spin, And your people whine and pout.You do the Palm Beach Pokey And you turn the count around, That’s what it’s all about!You do the Palm Beach Pokey, You do the Palm Beach Pokey, You do the Palm Beach Pokey, That’s what it’s all about!

Q. What is the name of Monica Lewinsky’s new book?

A. ‘My Taste For Power’

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.

“Boy,” is the man’s response.

“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.

An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs.

He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls.

When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”

The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”

The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”

An English professor wrote the words, “woman without her man is a savage” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is a savage.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head? From chasing parked cars!

Why do men pay more for car insurance than women? Because women don’t get blow jobs!

Un hombre reci�n divorciado, decide aventurar suerte en Las Vegas. Despu�s de haber ganado una fortuna en el casino, sale a divertirse un poco, ve a una rubia preciosa, y decide invitarla a un trago a lo cual ella accede.

Luego de algunos tragos el hombre la invita a la habitaci�n del hotel. A la media hora de conversaci�n, el hombre le pregunta cu�nto le cobra por hacerle la paja.

“Por una paja yo cobro 5,000 d�lares.”

“Pero eso es muy caro , �no crees?”

“�Vez esta sortija de diamantes?, me la compr� por las pajas que hago, ver�s que son las mejores.”

El le da el dinero y comienzan. De pronto �l le dice, “Detente, espera, espera, esto me gusta; pero, �cuanto me cobrar�as por una mamada?”

“Por mamada yo cobro 10,000 d�lares.”

“Eso es caro �no crees?”

“Ven, ac�rcate a la ventana y mira, �ves un Mercedes Benz nuevo, rojo, convertible? Pues me lo gano por mis mamadas.”

“No importa lo que cueste, �ndale comienza.”

Luego de un rato �l le dice…

“Detente, detente, que casi me vengo. Dime cuanto me cobras por el chochito…”

“�Si yo tuviera chochito, ser�a la duena de Las Vegas!”