An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.”Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?””That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
Category: other
NUN FOOTBALL PLAYERS
WHAT DO YOU CALL TWO NUNS AND A BLONDE ON A FOOTBALL FIELD?
TWO TIGHT ENDS AND A WIDE RECIEVER
El hombre descubri� el vidrio
El hombre descubri� el vidrio e invent� la botella.
La mujer descubri� el vidrio e invent� el espejo.
El hombre descubri� la baraja y ah� mismo invent� el juego.
La mujer descubri� la baraja e invent� la brujer�a.
El hombre descubri� la palabra e invent� la conversaci�n.
La mujer descubri� la conversaci�n y ah� mismo invent� el chisme.
El hombre descubri� el dinero e invent� el comercio.
La mujer descubri� el comercio e invent� el cr�dito.
El hombre descubri� la comida e invent� el almuerzo y la cena.
La mujer descubri� el almuerzo y la cena e invent� la empleada dom�stica.
El hombre descubri� a la mujer e invent� el sexo.
La mujer descubri� el sexo e invent� el matrimonio.
El hombre descubri� el trabajo e invent� el salario.
La mujer descubri� el salario y ah� la cagamos.
The Worst Gold Fours
The Worst Golf Foursome Ever:1 Monica Lewinsky 2 OJ Simpson 3 Ted Kennedy 4 Bill ClintonWhy You Ask?1 Monica Is A Hooker 2 OJ Is A Slicer 3 Ted Kennedy Can’t Drive Over The Water, And 4 Bill Clinton Can’t Remember Which Hole He Played Last!
Losing the Car's
I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station.After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car.He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.He hadn’t been searching long when, sure enough, he found a gas cap.He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.”Great,” he thought, “I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one’s even better because it locks.”
Little girl
A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male.
‘What is that?’ asked the child pointing to the penis.
‘Nothing, nothing at all, cherie,’ replied the mother.
‘I want one,’ said the child.
The mother tried to focus her daughter’s attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted.
‘I want one just like that,’ she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, ‘if you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.’
‘And if I’m bad?’ asked the little one.
‘Then,’ sighed the mother, ‘you will have many.’
baby
Whats red, silver, and crawls into the wall?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
An elderly couple was driving cross-country,…
An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, “Ma’am,
did you know you were speeding?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”
The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her
husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO
SEE YOUR LICENSE.” The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had.”
The woman turns to her husband and asks,” What did he say?”
“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU,” the old man yells.
Dos compadres el d�a despues
Dos compadres el d�a despues de la borrachera, est�n con su resaca. La esposa de uno de ellos les prepara unos chiles bien picosos… un compadre le dice al otro:
“Oiga compadre.”
“S�, �compadre?”
“Se me esta saliendo el moco.”
“�Por el chile compadre?”
“No como cree compadre, por la nariz.”
Hypnotist Session
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance
and participation at their regular meetings. One member
suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed. A
famous hypnotist was hired. The event was publicized around
town. Everyone was pleased.
A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the
townspeople sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket
watch. The hypnotist began chanting: “Watch the watch, watch the
watch, watch the watch…” Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed
the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist’s fingers
slipped and the watch fell to the floor. “Shit,” said the
hypnotist. It took the town 3 weeks to clean up the mess.
What do you call a blind deer?
Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: “No-eye deer”.
Polish Battle Ship
Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water!