Category: other

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can move aside to let him go to the bathroom. He knows he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can’t hold it in any longer and hurls all over the big guy’s chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

“So,” says the little guy, “are you feeling any better now?”

Un cavern�cola hijo llega a la cueva, le da las calificaciones al cavern�cola padre que las lee detenidamente y al rato dice:

“Mira, que repruebes caza, lo comprendo, porque eres peque�o y todav�a no puedes con la lanza. Que repruebes agricultura te lo paso, porque es un rollo y al principio cuesta trabajo agarrarle la onda. Que repruebes pintura rupestre te lo perdono porque todav�a eres peque�o y no coordinas, pero que REPRUEBES HISTORIA, �NO LA AMUELES, SI APENAS LLEVAMOS DOS P�GINAS!”

1.You sit on my lap and you can tell me the first thing that pops up.

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle
the other day?

These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates.

St. Peter told the first husband, “I can’t let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.”

Dejected, he turned and walked away.

The next married couple stepped up, and St. Peter told the husband, “Can’t let you in sir. While you were on earth, you allowed money to run your life.

You even married a girl named Penny.”

The guy hung his head, turned and walked away.

The husband of the third couple waiting in line, overheard both conversations and said, “Come on, Fanny, he’s not going to let us in either!

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting in that park every sunny day, for over 12 years…chatting, and enjoying each others friendship.

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says,… “Please don’t be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years…What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.”

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says…
“How soon do you have to know?”

�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?

Sigue leyendo.

Estaban trabajando un grupo bastante grande de ilegales en un campo en los Estados Unidos, cuando de pronto lleg� la migra con dos camiones para llevarse a los pobres ilegales, y pues que se echan a correr todos para esconderse, menos uno, que al contrario de todos, sali� corriendo pero hacia los camiones de la migra, lleg� a uno, se subi� y se sent� r�pido. El oficial de migraci�n que manejaba el cami�n, todo sacado de onda por lo que ve�a le pregunt�:

“�Por qu� tu no corriste como tus dem�s compa�eros a esconderte?”

Y el ilegal todo cansado por la corrida que peg� le contesta:

“Pues la verdad es que ustedes ya me han agarrado cinco veces y las cinco pinches veces me he ido parado hasta Tijuana…”

Un alem�n, un japon�s y un espa�ol discuten para ver cual de sus correspondientes pa�ses est� m�s avanzado. El japon�s dice:

“En mi pa�s naci� un beb� sin brazos, pero cuando ya tuvo la edad, le implantaron dos, y ya ha ganado dos veces el campeonato de nataci�n.”

Salta el alem�n y dice:

“�Eso no es nada! en Alemania naci� un ni�o sin piernas. Cuando se hizo mayor, le implantaron dos piernas y ya es campe�n de 100 m. lisos.”

Entonces el espa�ol dice:

“Pues en Espa�a naci� un ni�o sin cabeza, pero le pusieron un mel�n como cabeza y un bigote, �y ahora ya es presidente!”

1. Ask for a Big Mac and a Supersized fry.
2. Ask how much a 99 cent Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger is.
3. When ordering at the drive through, honk the horn until you
leave the parking lot.
4. Ride through the drive through on a bicycle.
5. Play your car stereo loudly when ordering.
6. Ask to speak to Dave Thomas.
7. Order 1 thing at a time at the drive through, keep driving
around until you have a complete meal.
8. When eating in, sit alone and start laughing loudly for no
reason.
Then start talking like someones eating accross the table.
9. Pull up to take your food, don’t take it, and drive away.
10. Go through the drive through and say nothing.
11. When they ask, “Can I take your order?” repeat that and
everything else they say. (The shadow game.)
12. When in the drive through, slam into the car ahead of you
and yell “Would you like frys with that?”
13. When they ask “Can I take your order?” say “No thank you.”
and drive away.
14. When eating in, pick up and throw your chair and yell, “They
forgot the $#@%&*% mustard! and resume eating.
15. Go from table to table and steal food.
16. When eating in, sit next to people and say “That looks good,
can I have a bite?”
17. Order 20 hamburgers, pull up to get them and say “I’ve
changed my mind, I just want a large Coke.”
18. Walk in and sit next to somebody and say “It’s a shame about
your car.”
19. Ask if the 99 cent Value Menu prices will lower.
20. Do the same thing as in number 17 but say “I hope you just
put Ketchup on all those.”

there was a boy who’s parents were fighting he heard them call each other bitches and bastards he said mommy what does bitches and bastards mean? she said men and women. then they made up and went into the room the boy opened the door and heard his parents say nice dick nice tits so the boy said mommy what does dick and tits mean oh it mean coats and hats so then the dad is shaving in the bathroom the boy opens the door and the dad says shit the boy says daddy what does shit mean oh shaving so then the boy goes to his mom and she is in the kitchen cutting the turkey she accidentlsy cuts herself and says fuck! the boy says mommy what does fuck mean? oh cutting the turkey so then the doorbell rings and the boy says i’ll get it and he opens the door and says hi bitches and bastards hang your dicks and tits in the closet my mom’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey and my dads in the bathroom shaving the shit out of himself

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when
suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c’mon, I’m sure there’s one buried in
your desk too.) Since he’d heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub
the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and — oh, surprise
— out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, �What is your first wish?� The government
worker thought about it for a second, then replied, �I would like to be rich!�
So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of
money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.

Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn’t even
have to ask for number two before he said, �My second wish is to be on an island
with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!� And poof, he
was there.

Then the government worker — or, as I like to call him, civil servant —
decided on his third wish, �I don’t want to do any work ever again!� and poof —
ubiquitous ironic twist — he was back in his office.