Category: other

Llega el pap� de Pepito a la casa y encuentra a la mam�, quien le reprocha que �ste hab�a tenido su primera relaci�n sexual.

El pap� se lleva a Pepito al cuarto para felicitarlo, lejos de la mam�, y le dice:

“Ese es mi tigre, campe�n, y �cu�ndo lo haces de nuevo?”

“Cuando se me mejore el culo, pap�.”

“How can you tell if there is a blind man on a nude beach?” a guy asked his friend.

“It ain’t hard,” he said with a shrug.

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing, yisman and hottrouble1

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered, ” You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. How do you do it?”
He again said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “You must be quite a man.”
He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil.
This one’s black!”

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on
280. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

Q. What do you call a sperm bank inside of a castle?
A. Kingdom Cum.

Somewhere in Australia….

“Papa,” said the farmers son, “you were a sheepherder in your younger days, perhaps you can tell me where virgin wool comes from.”

” Virgin Wool, my son, comes from the sheep the herders couldn’t catch.”

En la noche de bodas, el novio se da cuenta que la novia no era virgen.

“�Qu� no eres virgen?”, le pregunta con asombro y enojo.

Ella le responde tranquilamente: “No, pero t� tampoco eres San Jos� �Cabr�n! Y esto no es una pastorela, as� que conc�ntrate y no me hagas perder el tiempo.

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.”Wow,” said the first guy.”I wonder how deep it is?””I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock down the hole.  They waitedand waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.”Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.”Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys.”It just ran up and jumped down this hole.””Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy.”My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.”

Una mujer estaba acompa�ando en el hospital a su esposo, quien sal�a del estado de coma en que hab�a ca�do despu�s de varios meses. Ella hab�a permanecido a su lado todos los d�as esperando su recuperaci�n y cuando finalmente volvi� en s�, �l le pidi� que se acercara, con l�grimas en los ojos:

“Querida: has estado conmigo siempre en las malas. Cuando fui despedido, estabas ah� para apoyarme. Cuando quebr� mi negocio, estabas ah�. Cuando me dispararon, continuaste ah�. Cuando perdimos la casa, permaneciste conmigo. Cuando mi salud comenz� a fallar, segu�as a mi lado. �Sabes qu�?”

“Dime, mi vida”.

“Creo que me traes mala suerte”.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.

“There is a blind man to see you,” she says.

“Well, if he is a blind man, then it does not matter if I’m in the shower, send him in.”

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.

She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts, “That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

Joys of Jogging1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country.9. I don’t jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.10. Actually, I don’t exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

Una joven rebelde muy liberada, entra en un bar completamente desnuda. Se para frente al cantinero y le dice:

“�Deme una cerveza bien helada!”

El cantinero se queda mir�ndola, sin moverse.

“�Qu� pasa? -dice ella- �Nunca ha visto a una mujer desnuda?”

“�Muchas veces!”

“�Y entonces qu� mira?

“�Quiero ver de donde va a sacar el dinero para pagar la cerveza!”