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A study in Scotland showed that the kind of “male face” a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple.

Se casa el famoso torero Manolete con la sensual y siempre bella Pilarica, la bailarina de Mouline Rouge.

Se llega la noche de bodas. Pilarica (como siempre), tirada en la cama con un simple babydoll. Manolete, por su parte, sentado sobre la cama tratando de quitarse las botas, pero un poco preocupado.

“Qu� te pasa?” pregunta Pilarica, un poco deseperada.

Contesta el torero: “Pilarica, quiero confesarte algo, pero espero que me entiendas.”

“Dime, mi amado esposo, que es lo que aflige y te acongoja?”, contesta ella.

�l, un poco apenado le dice: “quiero confesarte que solo tengo un test�culo…”

“No te preoucpes, yo tambi�n quiero decirte que ya no soy virgen.”

�l, muy encabronado le reclama: “Oye reputa, pero si lo mio fue una cogida.”

Y Ella le dice despreocupada: “�Y qu� crees, que lo m�o fue una pedrada?”

Va una viejita en un autom�vil a exceso de velocidad, un polic�a que la ve pasar la sigue hasta detenerla…

El policia le dice: “Se�ora, �me permite sus documentos por favor?”

La se�ora le responde: “Mira, hijo, sal� de emergencia y se me quedaron los documentos.”

“Se�ora, �pero no tiene ning�n documento…?”

“Hijito, te digo que se me qued� todo en casa porque sal� r�pido.”

“Lo siento, se�ora, me va a tener que dar una mordida…”

“Mira, hijito, con mucho gusto lo har�a, pero te digo que dej� todo, hasta la chapa se me qued�…”

Un se�or llega borracho a su casa a las cuatro de la ma�ana, y como no ten�a llave se dirigi� al patio de su casa. De repente ve que el perro de su casa tiene un lorito muerto en la boca, y el tipo dice:

“�Dios m�o!, si es el lorito de la se�ora del lado.”

Al se�or le dio pena y puso al lorito en la jaula de la vecina y se acuesta a dormir. Al otro d�a se despierta y ve que su esposa est� llorando y le pregunta:

“�Amor, por qu� estas llorando?”

Y le dice su esposa:

“Es que se muri� la vecina del lado.”

“C�mo va a ser, si ayer la vi bien y en perfectas condiciones.”

Y le dice la esposa:

“Es que le dio un infarto esta ma�ana. Porque ayer hab�a enterrado al lorito que se le muri� y se le apareci� en la jaula esta ma�ana.”

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green. The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”

A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, “Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.”

“Well, how much does a brain cost?” asked the relatives.

“For a male brain, $500,000.

For a female brain, $200,000,” replied the doctor.

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.

But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, “Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?”

“Standard pricing practice,” said the doctor.

“Women’s brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used.

This joke has been removed at the request of several of our readers.Our apologies if you were offended by the previous content here.Have a great Easter! The JokeScene! Staff

Unos amigos fueron a trabajar al campo. Horas despu�s, se pusieron a jugar cartas. La mesa era un trozo de madera grande y las sillas eran trozos de madera m�s chicos. Mientras jugaban estaban tomando chicha (licor chileno). Tras un buen rato estaban bien borrachos y a uno se le ocurri� ir al ba�o:

“Compadre, compadrito, voy y vuelvo.”

“Vaya nom�s compadrito.”

Cuando volvi� se le olvid� subirse el cierre del pantal�n y cuando se sent� el pene qued� encima de la mesa.

“�Lucho, Lucho, hay una culebra en la mesa weon!”

“Qu�date quieto weon.”

“�Me va a morder, me va a morder!”

El otro saca un palo gigante y le manda en plena penca.

“�Lucho, Lucho, p�gale de nuevo que me mordi�!”

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss was standing behind you. It’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper.

He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won’t eat it if they know what it is – so he does not tell them.

His little boy keeps asking him, “What’s for supper?”

“You’ll see”, says his dad.

They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they’re eating.

“Ok,” says her dad, “here’s a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me.”

“We’re eating asshole!!”, she screams.

Jesus, Joseph, and Mary were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when
suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, “Did you call me?”

“No, I’m sorry,” Joseph replied, “I just hit my thumb with the hammer,
again.”

Why did the blonde go to church?

[Stretch arms out to sides] She heard there was a guy in there hung like this.