Category: other

An American, a Canadian and a Paki are stopped by a gorgeous babe.
She says if one of them can stay in the cave with a skunk for 2
minutes, then that person can have sex with her. The American lasts 30 sec.,
the Canadian about 1 min. The Paki goes in, then 2 minutes later,
the skunk comes out!

THE CLINTON Virus…(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.)

THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus…(Makes a new hard drive out of an old
floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus…(Sucks all the memory out of your computer,
then emails your best friends about what it did).

THE RONALD REAGAN virus…(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus…(Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus… (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then
slowly expands to restabilize around 200.)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus…(Deletes all old files)

THE PROZAC virus…(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t
care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus…(Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus…(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be
back) and last but not least……………

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus… (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy,
then discards it through Windows)

Un Argentino se encuentra con otro, que es su conocido, entonces le pregunta:

“Che, �ten�s un encededor?”

“Esperate busco”, responde el otro y empieza a buscar en los bolsillos del pantalon, en el de la camisa, los bosillos del saco y sigue toc�ndose mientras le contesta al otro:

“Mmm che, parece que no tengo encendedor… �pero que bueno estoy!

there were three nuns waiting at the gates of hevan.
St jhon who was standing there said this is the time to confess your sins and i promise you will be forgiven.
so the first nun walks up and says ive been dreadful,yesterday i robbed a bank, what should i do?
st jhon replied go drink from the holy water then i shall let you pass into hevan
so she went off
then the second nun walked up and said ive been terrible, i slept with a man last night, what shall i do?
go and drink from the holy water said jhon
then the final nun walked up and said ive been absoutly dreadful
what did you do, said jhon
i….er…peed in the holy water

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.

One woman said, “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.”

The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, “Say, what do you call your husband?”

She frowned and said, “The postman.”

“Why the postman?”

“Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”

A kindergartener was sitting at his desk making funny faces at
anyone that would watch.

The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly,
“Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick
that way.”

Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, “I guess you
learned the hard way.”

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. �Ma’am,� said the cop, �I’m not going to ticket you, butI do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.��Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home,� responded the Amish lady.�That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!� instructed the cop.Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.�Well, dear, what exactly did he say?� asked Jacob.�He said the reflector is broken,� replied the lady.�I can fix that in two minutes. What else?� wondered Jacob.�I’m not sure, Jacob… something about the emergency brake,� said the lady.

What’s the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler?

Eventually the Rottweiler lets go!

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.”I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?””I should let you know first that I am a policeman.””That’s OK. I’ll tell it really slow!”

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath
and lipstick on his cheek. “I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good
reason for you to come waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?”
“There is.” he replied, “Breakfast.”

An American received a fax from the brother of his good friend in China saying that he had had a serious accident and was in the hospital. The American immediately flew to Beijing to be by his friend’s side at his time of need.

As he was standing next to his bed, the Chinese said in a very excited voice “CHU CHEE CHEN …… CHU CHEE CHEN …. CHU CHEE CHEN” and finally passed away.

Very puzzled by his friend’s final words he went to the Brother and asked, what does CHU CHEE CHEN (whatever)means. With tears in his eyes, the brother replied:- “‘He was saying : Take your foot off the oxygen hose!'”

A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.’Well,’ said the cat, ‘I lived all my life on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.”Say no more,’ says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears.A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer he made to the cat.’All our life,’ the mice say, ‘we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs, women with brooms have chased us. If we had roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run any more.’God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. A week later God checks on the cat, which is asleep on its pillow. God gently nudges him awake and asks, ‘How are you doing? Are you happy here?”Never been happier,’ says the cat, stretching and yawning. ‘And those meals on wheels you’ve been sending over are great.’