Un avi�n se pega tal

Un avi�n se pega tal trompazo que por all� no aparece ni la caja negra. Milagrosamente, entre los restos del aparato encuentran a un orangut�n algo atontado, pero vivito y coleando.

Como no se puede hacer otra cosa, con ayuda de un int�rprete de simiesqu�s, los expertos se ponen a interrogarle:

“�Y qu� hac�a durante el accidente el piloto?”

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….”

“�Y el copiloto? �Y las azafatas?”

“�ACA, �ACA, �ACA…”

“Y t�, �qu� hac�as mientras?”

Y el mono, extendiendo ambos brazos al frente contesta:

“BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…”

Revenge

One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom,The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says “If these were firmer you wouldn’t need a bra.”

The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him.

The next week the teo are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says “If your ass was firmer you wouldn’t need a girdle.”

The wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge.

One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says “If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn’t need your brother.”

Estaba Pepito en el sal�n

Estaba Pepito en el sal�n de clases cuando entra el inspector de la Secretar�a de Educaci�n y dice a la profesora que desea observar el desarrollo de la clase, y se sienta en una silla vac�a, justo ATRAS de Pepito. La profesora contin�a su clase:

“A ver Juanito �a qui�n se le conoce como el Padre de la Patria, iniciador de la independencia de M�xico?”

“A Miguel Hidalgo, profesora.”

Asi contin�a haciendo preguntas y el inspector nota que la profesora omite hacer preguntas a Pepito, por lo que discretamente se lo se�ala con el dedo para que lo haga participar. La profesora, un poco nerviosa porque no quiere que Pepito salga con una de sus vulgaridades, le prepara cuidadosamente una pregunta:

“A ver, Pepito, recuerdas la clase de ayer en la que platicamos la historia del Himno Nacional.”

“Claro que me acuerdo profesora.”

“�Recuerdas qu� le dijo el Sr. Francisco Gonzalez Bocanegra a su esposa cuando esta le pidi� que �l escribiera el Himno Nacional?, eso lo comentamos ayer Pepito.”

“S� profesora… lo tengo en la punta de la lengua…”

Mientras la profesora esperaba la respuesta, nerviosamente jugaba con un l�piz que acab� por ca�rsele al suelo. Al inclinarse a recogerlo mostr� todos sus lindos atributos f�sicos. Entonces Pepito continu�…

“�Ya me acord�! El tipo ese dijo: �Qu� buenas nalgas tienes mamacita!”

La profesora, molesta por la respuesta, le pide a Pepito que salga del sal�n.

Pepito, muy serio, recoge sus cuadernos y libros e indignado voltea hacia el inspector y le dice:

“�Ya vez pendejo, si no sabes para que soplas!”

A Child's Prayer

One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.” The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.” The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.” Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here — we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!”

7 Dwarfs

The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on
comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.

‘Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?’

‘No, Dopey,’ responds the Pontiff, ‘there are not.’

‘Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?’ Dopey questions.

‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope chuckles, ‘there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.’

‘Mr. Pope,’ Dopey asks pleadingly, ‘are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the
world?’

‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope says sadly, ‘there are no dwarf nuns anywhere
in the world.’

And softly in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start chanting, ‘Dopey
f***ed a penguin, Dopey f***ed a penguin.’

Little Red Man

One day a little red man was taking a little red shower in his little red house.

He looked out the window and saw the milk van drive past without leaving any milk.

So the little red man turned off the shower and put a towel around himself.

He than began to run after the van.

After a while he came to a T intersection, where he couldn’t find the van.

All of a sudden a dog came past and stole his towel.

An old lady saw this little red man standing naked in the middle of the road.

So she left the house and when she was walking on the road a car hit her and killed her.

The moral of this story is: Don’t cross the road when the little red man is flashing!