Category: other

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local
newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is
written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a
word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read, ‘Billy Bob
died’.”

Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor says, “Sorry ma’am, there is
a 7 word minimum on all obituaries.”

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, “In
that case, let it read, ‘Billy Bob died – 1983 Pick-up for sale.'”

An old man goes into the confessional and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80
years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an
affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them twice.”
The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in
confession?”

“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”

“So then, why are you telling me?”

“I’m telling everybody.”

Padre e hija est�n viajando a trav�s del desierto cuando unos bandidos les asaltan y les roban hasta la ropa. Cuando se van, la hija le dice al padre:

“�Has podido salvar algo?”

“�Pero c�mo voy a salvar algo si nos han dejado en pelotas!”

Entonces, la hija se saca un anillo de diamantes del chomino y, con aire de triunfo, anuncia:

“Mira, mam� me ense�o este truco”.

“Ya, es una pena que tu madre no estuviese aqu�… podr�amos haber salvado el coche”.

You�re so ugly that words cant explain your face. So I will just go throw up.

Q: What is long, hard, and full of seamen?
A: A submarine!

A little girl heard her parents fighting. She heard them say the words bitch and asshole. She asked her dad what they meant and he said ladies and gentlemen. She heard her parents fighting again and heard the words dick and pussy. She asked her mom what they meant and her mom said hats and coats.

It was thanksgiving and her dad was upstairs shaving and he cut himself and said shit. The little girl asked what it meant and he said shaving. Her mom was downstairs carving the turkey and cut herself and said fuck. She asked what it meant and her mom said carving the turkey.

The doorbell rang and the little girl answered it. It was her grandparents and other relatives. She said, “Welcome bitches and assholes. Put your dicks and pussy�s in the closet, Daddy is upstairs shitting and mommy is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”

A young businessman was seated next to an elderly priest on an airplane. Having a minor technical problem at the gate and the flight being delayed, the Captain apologized and announced that the airline would be buying a free round of drinks. When the charming and very attractive flight attendant came by, the businessman ordered a double scotch. Then she asked the priest if he would like a drink. ”Oh, no thank you,” replied the priest. ”I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol.” Halting in mid-swallow and dribbling scotch down his front, the businessman quickly replaced his drink on the beverage cart and replied, ”Excuse me, miss, I didn’t know I had a choice.”

Yo’ mama so fat, that when she wears a yellow rain jacket, people think she’s
a taxi cab.

One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom,The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says “If these were firmer you wouldn’t need a bra.”

The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him.

The next week the teo are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says “If your ass was firmer you wouldn’t need a girdle.”

The wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge.

One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says “If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn’t need your brother.”

Estaba Pepito en el sal�n de clases cuando entra el inspector de la Secretar�a de Educaci�n y dice a la profesora que desea observar el desarrollo de la clase, y se sienta en una silla vac�a, justo ATRAS de Pepito. La profesora contin�a su clase:

“A ver Juanito �a qui�n se le conoce como el Padre de la Patria, iniciador de la independencia de M�xico?”

“A Miguel Hidalgo, profesora.”

Asi contin�a haciendo preguntas y el inspector nota que la profesora omite hacer preguntas a Pepito, por lo que discretamente se lo se�ala con el dedo para que lo haga participar. La profesora, un poco nerviosa porque no quiere que Pepito salga con una de sus vulgaridades, le prepara cuidadosamente una pregunta:

“A ver, Pepito, recuerdas la clase de ayer en la que platicamos la historia del Himno Nacional.”

“Claro que me acuerdo profesora.”

“�Recuerdas qu� le dijo el Sr. Francisco Gonzalez Bocanegra a su esposa cuando esta le pidi� que �l escribiera el Himno Nacional?, eso lo comentamos ayer Pepito.”

“S� profesora… lo tengo en la punta de la lengua…”

Mientras la profesora esperaba la respuesta, nerviosamente jugaba con un l�piz que acab� por ca�rsele al suelo. Al inclinarse a recogerlo mostr� todos sus lindos atributos f�sicos. Entonces Pepito continu�…

“�Ya me acord�! El tipo ese dijo: �Qu� buenas nalgas tienes mamacita!”

La profesora, molesta por la respuesta, le pide a Pepito que salga del sal�n.

Pepito, muy serio, recoge sus cuadernos y libros e indignado voltea hacia el inspector y le dice:

“�Ya vez pendejo, si no sabes para que soplas!”

What does an army general kiss under at christmas?
Missile toe

What’s black, brown, and looks good on an [ethnic]?

A Doberman