Q; WHAT DID BATMAN SAY TO ROBIN B4 THEY GOT INTO THE BATMOBILE
A:GET INTO THE BATMOBILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Category: other
Q: When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?…
Q: When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?
A: When he marries your daughter.
El hermano de Pepito est�
El hermano de Pepito est� viendo la TV cuando mandan a corte informativo:
“Esta noche, en su telecanal favorito, hablaremos de sexo”.
“�De sel� el secxo?”, se pregunta el hermano de Pepito, de apenas cuatro a�os de edad, y decide preguntarle a Pepito.
Va con el buen Pepe, quien ya es un adolescente:
“Oye, Pepito, �de es el secxo?”
Pepito se saca de onda y piensa:
“�Chin! �Ahora c�mo se lo explico?”
Enseguida se muestra despreocupado y se dice:
“Ya ver� c�mo, al fin que mi mam� me dijo que le ense�ara lo que s� a mi hermanito”.
Entonces, lo lleva a la sala y lo sienta a ver una pel�cula pornogr�fica, al terminar, le explica:
“Mira, hermano, eso que estaban haciendo el hombre y la mujer, es el sexo”.
“�Dendo duda!”, grita el hermanito de Pepito.
“�Me lleva!, piensa Pepito, “todav�a no le queda claro”.
As� que le muestra unas revistas de Playboy y le ense�a una foto:
“Mira, hermano, eso que tiene la chica entre las piernas es el sexo”.
“�Dendo duda!”, insiste el chiquil�n.
Pepito llama por tel�fono a su novia y le solicita:
“Paquita, ven, te necesito para explicarle algo a mi hermanito”.
Llega la chava y se ponen a hacer el amor, cuando terminan, Pepito le dice a su hermano menor:
“Eso que hicimos mi novia y yo, es el sexo”.
“�Dendo duda!”, vuelve a gritar el menor.
“�Ya me tienes harto!”, se enoja Pepito. “�Ya te mostr� de todas maneras que es el sexo y t� todav�a tienes duda!”
“No, Pepito, �Dendo duda la pilinola!
Just before Rosh Hashana, a team of terrorists…
Just before Rosh Hashana, a team of terrorists invades the shul and takes
the rabbi, the cantor and the shul president hostage. Hours later, the
governor stands tough, he won’t give them a million dollars, nor a getaway
car nor a Jumbo Jet.
The terrorists gather the three hostages in a corner and inform them that
things look bad and they’re going to have to shoot them. Nevertheless, to
show that they’re not really a bad bunch, they’ll grant each hostage one
wish.
“Please,” says the rabbi, “for the last two months I’ve been working on my
Rosh Hashana Sermon. What a waste to die now without having carried it
before an audience. I’ll go happilly if you let me recite my sermon. It’s
an hour – ninety minutes long, tops.”
They promise to grant him the wish.
“Please,” says the cantor, “after 50 years I’ve finally gotten the
‘Hinneni’ prayer just right. What a waste to die and not sing it to an
audience. It’s only about 45 minutes long – then I’ll go happily.”
The terrorists promise to grant the cantor his wish too and they turn to
the shul president.
“Please,” says the president with tears in his eyes, “Shoot me first!”
Pepito estaba en el kinder
Pepito estaba en el kinder y un d�a le dice a su mam� que ten�a un festival el viernes en la escuela. La mam� muy entusiasmada le pregunta que si de que lo iba a vestir, a lo que Pepito responde que de castor.
Su mam� gast� mas de 1000 pesos pues quer�a que su hijo fuera el mejor del festival.
En fin, ese d�a Pepito le dice a su madre que si quiere que le cante la canci�n y ella dice que s�.
Y Pepito empieza a cantar:
“Los castooores a Bel�n coooorrren pre su rooooo sos…”
Confucius Say…People Who Can Count
Confucius say, ”There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can
count. And those who can’t.”
Tres amigos hablaban acerca de
Tres amigos hablaban acerca de cuales consideraban las mejores posiciones durante el sexo.
“�La n�mero uno es el 69!”, acepta uno.
“�Me fascina el pollo asado!”, dice el otro.
“�No hay nada mejor que la del rodeo!”, comenta el tercero.
Los otros dos amigos se miran con cara de asombro, y r�pido le preguntan en qu� consiste esa posici�n.
El hombre les explica: “Bueno, le dices a tu mujer que se ponga en cuatro y empiezas por detr�s; una vez que las cosas se pongan bien calientes, apoyas tu pecho sobre su espalda, la abrazas fuertemente, y con delicadeza le susurras al o�do: ‘esta posici�n le fascina a mi secretaria’… e intentas mantenerte encima de ella por m�s de ocho segundos”.
Bill Collection Humor
This is a copy of an actual letter that was sent to a bill collector:
Dear Scumbags:
7-26-85
I received your pathetic, ridiculous attempt at legalized extortion yesterday. Just out of curiosity, what’s your cut if you collect? The first thing you need to realize is that I have no credit record to “protect”. My credit rating is piss-poor, and I have skipped out on bills all over the United States.
However, I need a personal phone, so I have no intention of skipping out on this phone bill. More significantly, though, I would never, but NEVER, pay a past-due bill to you scum-sucking leeches. Which leads me to my next point: It should be clear by now that I do not have a high regard for your `arasitic profession. In fact, in my eyes, you would be doing yourselves, and society at large, a favor by closing down immediately and entering a more respectable field–like pimping or kiddie porn. You certainly have the professional ethics for it . . .
In sum, I have every intention of paying my phone bill and restoring my service, hopefully within sixty days. But you heaps of rancid guano will have had NOTHING to do with it. Please continue to bombard me with notices–I just bought some extra-large trash bags to handle the load. Oh, and please feel free to send a representative to my home.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to knock him down the flight of 25 steps leading to my front door. That is, if filth-balls of your ilk ever appear in daylight . . . Worst of luck and my sincerest wishes for the immediate failure of your “business”.
GET A JOB!!!
Sincerely,
Polak and Robot
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “130.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, “This is really cool.”
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him,
“What’s your IQ?”
The man responded, “120.” So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, “Wow, this is really cool.”
A third guy came in to the bar.
As with the others, the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “80.”
The robot then said, “So, how are things in Poland these days?”
The Line
What’s long, black, and smells funny?
The Welfare LINE!
Blowjob
What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?Blowjob,You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.
Candidates
Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small New England town.
After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd – shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.
Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain.
One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars.
The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.
“That man’s persistence yonder,” observed one of the natives, “it sure makes it easy to know who to vote for.”
“Yep,” another native agreed. “I can’t see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn’t the good sense to come in out of the rain!”