Category: other
Un joven guapo, con un
Un joven guapo, con un cuerpazo, estaba desempleado pues acababa de terminar sus estudios. Como no ten�a ingresos, no ten�a para pagar la renta, el agua, la luz, la comida, etc. As� que decide prostituirse y pone en la puerta de su casa un letrero con letras grandes:
CAMA: $100.00
CATRE: $50.00
SUELO: $25.00
Pasa una viejita y se queda mirando muy atentamente el letrero; se va a su casa; rompe el cochinito; cuenta su dinero y se va con el joven prostituto. Al ver al joven, le extiende las monedas que lleva en la mano. El muchacho detenidamente la observa y cuenta el dinero: $100.00. El joven mira a la anciana y le dice:
“Picarona, �lo quiere en la cama?”
“Sonriendo con malicia, la viejita le responde:
“No, m’ijito… �lo quiero cuatro veces en el suelo!”
Solving Bat Problem
Did you hear about the three ministers who were talking about their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church?
The first: “I shot at them with a shotgun; but it only spoiled the woodwork.”
The second: “I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!”
The third (who was looking pretty smug): “I caught them, and baptized and confirmed each one. I haven’t seen them since.”
Hab�a una vez un colombiano
Hab�a una vez un colombiano que lleg� a un pa�s extra�o. Como no se hab�a dado cuenta que en ese pa�s hablaban tambi�n el espa�ol fue a la embajada colombiana y le pregunt� a un se�or:
“Oiga, en este pais como se dice mesero.”
El otro, para burlarse de �l, le dice: “Marica”.
“�C�mo se dice plato de comida?”
“Plato de mierda.”
“�C�mo se dice dinero?”
“Pelos en la verga.”
“�C�mo se dice polic�a?”
“Hijueputa.”
Llega a un restaurante y le dice al mesero: “Marica, marica, venga.”
Entonces el mesero le dice: “Respete, se�or.”
“Me da un plato de mierda.”
“Aqu� no vendemos eso.”
En eso va pasando un polic�a y le grita:
“�Hijueputa, hijueputa, venga! �Es que este marica no me quiere dar un plato de mierda aunque yo tengo muchos pelos en la verga!”
Un se�or nececitaba una operaci�n
Un se�or nececitaba una operaci�n urgente al ri��n. Va al m�dico y le dice:
“Doctor, yo necesito un transplante de ri��n urgente.”
“Bueno, se�or, venga usted el lunes de la pr�xima semana a las 4pm.”
As� transcurren los d�as y el doctor no encuentra al donante hasta que llaga el lunes a las 3pm y el doctor ve pasar un perro por delante de la cl�nica. Lo lleva a la sala de operaciones y le quita el ri��n y se lo pone al se�or.
Pasa un mes y el doctor dice: “Ya me jod�, ah� viene el tipo que le puse el ri��n de perro.”
El doctor le pregunta asustado:
“�Y c�mo se siente?”
“Excelente, doctor, nada m�s que un problemita: cada vez que voy al ba�o levanto la pata para hacer pila.”
Eran unos gitanos que se
Eran unos gitanos que se hab�an hecho de un burro y entre ellos se iban a turnar para darle de comer al burro.
El primer d�a le toc� a uno y dijo:
“Por un d�a que el burro no coma no pasara nada.”
Y al otro d�a el otro tambi�n dijo:
“Por un d�a que no coma no le pasar� nada.”
As� pas� una semana y los gitanos decidieron deshacerse del burro y lo llevaron a un circo para venderlo como comida para los leones, y el due�o muy gustoso se lo compr�.
No hab�an caminado ni media cuadra cuando sale el due�o del circo y les grita:
“Conque comida para los leones �no? �Este desgraciado burro ya se comi� dos y tiene al otro acorralado!”
Wrong Side of the Bed
A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters.”
And they reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,”Good morning Brother.”
The Brother replies in a sing song voice, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.
He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, “Good morning Father.”
The priest replies in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, “Father …”
The young priest was not going to take any more even from the Bishop. He looks at the Bishop and says, “No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”
The Bishop looks at him stunned and says, “What?”
The priest realized his mistake and said “I am sorry your Holiness, what is it you want?”
The Bishop looks at him and says, “All I was going to do was ask you why the hell you have on Sister Mary’s shoes.”
Un negro caminaba por la
Un negro caminaba por la selva. En una rama se encontraba un mono y, cuando pasa el negro, �ste le grita: “�negro hijo de puta!”
El negro se enoja con el mono y lo amenaza: “vas a ver mono, �me la vas a pagar!”
Al d�a siguiente vuelve a pasar el negro, lo ve el mono y de nuevo le grita: “�negro de mierda, eres un hijo de puta!”
El negro enojado lo amenaza: “�vas a ver mono, me la vas apagar!”
Y as� sigui�, hasta que un d�a, el negro lo agarra, saca un hacha y le corta la cola.
Entonces el mono le suplica: “�M�tame, m�tame por favor! �M�tame! �Ay, m�tame por favor! �Ay!”
El negro asombrado le pregunta: “oye mono, �por qu� quieres que te mate?”
“Porque me van a gritar �negro hijo de puta!”, le contesta el mono.
Gynecologist
Did you hear about the blind Gynecologist?
He could read lips.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Only in America!
“Only in America”:
…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
…are there handicapped parking places in front of a skating rink.
…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
…do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “poli” in latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking creatures”.
Catch my eye
A man who lived in an apartment thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.
He looked up to see where it came from just in time to see a young woman looking down.
“Is this yours?” he asked.
“Yes, ” She said, “could you bring it up?”
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink.
As she was very attractive he agreed.
Shortly afterwards she said, “I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty. Would you like to join me?”
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.
As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, “I’ve had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?”
The man hesitated then said, “Do you act like this with every man you meet?”
“No,” she replied, “Only those who catch my eye.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Batman
Q; WHAT DID BATMAN SAY TO ROBIN B4 THEY GOT INTO THE BATMOBILE
A:GET INTO THE BATMOBILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!