A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was traveling
to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach
was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so
sardarji’s coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the
speech.
Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards
improvement of railway department was: “There should not be last coach in any
train.”
Category: other
Chicken thing
So Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
GEORGE W BUSH
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. Our side of the road is the right side of the road and the chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground for any chicken.
COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
DONALD RUMSFELD
I have known about the chicken crossing the road for several months. I was investigating why the chicken moved but didn’t feel it was necessary to alert anyone.
HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!
RALPH NADER
The chicken’s habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build road for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information.
DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together — in peace.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historic inevitability.
CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.
SIGMOND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook… and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE
That was my chicken! I invented the chicken.
COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Yisman
He’s drunk at the bar
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.The results showed a reading of 0.0.The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Sloganis Veritas
ABC “America’s Mickey Mouse Network”
Allstate “Sears-ious Insurance”
AOL “We’ve Got You by the Wires”
AT&T “No, WE’VE Got You by the Wires”
Burger King “Wait for It Your Way”
CBS “Welcome Home. Hey, Where the Hell Is Everyone?”
Chevrolet “GEO Whiz, We Like Toyota”
Chrysler “The Mercedes-Benz of American Cars”
Coca-Cola “New Coke Was Pepsi’s Idea”
Democratic National Party “Bill Clinton? Never Heard of Him”
Disney “Available in Stores for a Limited Time Only”
Eveready “Nothing Really Keeps on Going Forever”
Ford “Quality is Somebody Else’s Job”
Ernest & Julio Gallo: “We Will Have No Hangover before It�s Time”
General Electric “We’re a Lot like RCA”
Honda “Just As Good As Hyundai. Really”
IBM “Windows Is Just a Fad”
JERZEES “Fit to a T”
KIA “Killed in Action?”
Little Debbie Snack cakes “Our Name Says It All”
L’Oreal “I’m worth it, and what�s it to ya?”
Maytag “The Fix Is On”
McDonald’s “Did Somebody Say Cholesterol?”
Microsoft “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”
NBC “Formerly Known As Must See TV”
Nike “Just Do It and Get Arrested”
Norelco “Running Circles around Blades”
Old Navy “Can You Ever Forgive Us?”
Oscar Meyer “We Are NOT about Spelling”
Pepsi-Cola “That Clear Crap Was Coke’s Idea”
Pizza Hut “Nobody Beats Our Meat Lovers Special�
? Que Pasa? “Not Really a Name Brand”
RCA “Going to the Dogs”
Republican National Party “The Potato People”
Sony “We Just Can’t Top the Walkman”
Sprite “Obey Our Ads”
Seven-Up “Up Yours, Cola Bastards”
Subway “We Are Not Public Transportation, Dammit”
Toyota “Slightly Better Than Hyundai”
Unicorns “Sorry We Missed the Ark”
Volkswagen “Buyers Wanted. Hey, we�re dying out Here”
Whirlpool “Not Nearly As Wet As We Sound”
Xerox “The Original Copycats”
Young Again “We Wish”
Zebra “Sort of Like a Black and White Striped Horse”
Zerox “See Us at Xerox”
Una pareja de raza negra
Una pareja de raza negra decide impresionar en la fiesta de disfraces de unos amigos. El marido le pide a su mujer que se encargue de alquilarle un disfraz original… La mujer va a la tienda y le trae un disfraz de Batman.
“Pero mujer, �c�mo se te ocurre traerme este disfraz? �acaso has visto alguna vez un Batman negro?”
La mujer, muy contrariada, va en busca de otro disfraz… y le trae al marido un disfraz de Superman.
“Pero por Dios, a quien se le ocurre… primero de Batman, ahora de Superman… �Cuando narices has visto un Superheroe negro? Anda vete a la tienda y que te lo cambien de inmediato.”
La mujer que estaba hasta el gorro de su marido, y aprovechando que se encontraba en la ducha, le deja encima de la cama: tres botones blancos, un cintur�n blanco, y un palo de madera.
El marido al ver ese conjunto de elementos encima de la cama, y muy sorprendido le pregunta a su mujer:
“Pero bueno… �qu� es todo esto?”
“Muy sencillo cari�ito… Si te pegas en el pecho los tres botones blancos puedes ir de ficha de domin�… o bien si prefieres te colocas el cintur�n y vas de Galleta Oreo… y si no te gusta ninguno, te puedes meter el palo de madera por el culo, y vas de Helado de Chocolate.”
How!
Some years ago, on Times Square in NYC, I observed a native American, in full Indian regalia, feather head dress, buckskin clothes, etc.
As a pretty woman would walk by, he would raise his right hand, in an Indian greeting, and say ” Wanna “.
I watched this ritual for about 20 minutes, and I became more curious as he kept making these greetings. Finally, I couldn’t resist any longer. I went up to the native American, and said, “I have been watching you, and I am confused. I thought that Indians say “How “
He turned to me, obviously quite annoyed, and said…
“ME KNOW HOW…ME TRYING TO FIND WOMAN WHO WANNA!!”
Corporate Decisions
An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hungover after partying all night. She went to the water cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off.”Debra replied: “Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache.”
Looking for some help…
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!”
Afternoon Quickie
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.”There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just drove by.”A few moments passed. “Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out.”Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie.” Mom and Dad shot up in bed.”How do you know that?” the startled father asked. “Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied
Little Johnny Crack-up.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was
a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly
there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Bobby?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three
days!”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very
top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male
student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more
severe, and tells him – “I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.
“And where do you think you are going?” she asks.
“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!”
Sex and The Country
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas
flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last
night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this
morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”
“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love
another man.” When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
“And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he
replied. “Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to
you this morning?” “Don’t stop.”
Budda
A Budda walks into a pizza shop and says the to the guy working there….
make me one with everything