Category: other

This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls
out a beer and the little boy says “Grandpa, can I have one of
those?” Grandpa says “Is your penis big enough to touch your
asshole?” to which the little boy responds “No.” “Then you can’t
have one.” A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the
boy asks, “Can I have on of those?”

Grandpa says “Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?”
to which the little boy responds “No.” “Then you can’t have
one.” Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for
food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the
little boy says “I just won $50,000”

Grandpa says, “Great, your going to split that with me, right?”
The little boy asks, “Grandpa, is your penis long enough to
touch your asshole?” “Yes,” Says grandpa. “Then go fuck
yourself!”

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.

It’s a beautiful day, and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: “Pierre, kiss me!”

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie’s lips.

“What are you doing, Pierre?” says the startled Marie.

“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!”

She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

“Pierre! What are you doing?” asks the bewildered Marie.

“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!”

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, “Pierre, kiss me lower!”

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, “PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

Our hero stands up defiantly and says, “I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!”

Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
–Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren’t.
–Beach’s Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
–Anthony’s Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
— Tussman’s Law

If it jams, forces it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
–Lowery’s Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem.
–Peer’s Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute
strength and ignorance.
–William’s Law

Machines should work. People should think.
–IBM’s Pollyanna Principle

The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where
they can do the least damage.
–The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
–Ehrlich’s Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a
hurry.
–Ralph’s Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the
next morning you will have a flat tire.
— Cannon’s Comment

The newer the carpet the greater the likelihood that the bread will land jelly
side down.
— Law of inevitable consequences.

There was a conference calling all the intellectuals of the world.

The agenda was to ask questions to the rest of the participants and if all of them dont know the answer then the one who questioned needs to answer the question. If the questioner himself doesnt know the answer he is fined heavy amounts.

Participant A: How does squirrel makes its hole?
Crowd: thinks for sometime and gives up, Please answer your questions says the chair person.

Participant A: It comes out digging from the earth.

Participant B: But how does it went inside the earth?

Participant A: taking his sit back, We dont know the answer to that please answer your question.

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You’ll try again!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said, �I enjoyed time with my wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.

The artist said, �I enjoyed time with my mistress, because of the passion and
mystery I found there.�

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?” they questioned.

The Engineer said, “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.”

A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion: “Oh, $40 a year isn’t too bad.”

Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.

How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it’s a whole new bulb.

Men are being warned not to take Viagra with nitrates after five gentlemen in India did so and changed the balance of power in the region.

The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive. The Viagra Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.

If you’re depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional. If that doesn’t work, see a doctor!

A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

We received the report today that it is no longer necessary to stake tomatoes. Just dissolve a Viagra tablet in the water and they stand up straight and tall.

Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland – a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

Un motorista de la Guardia Civil para un coche que circula a gran velocidad:

“Buenos d�as, �se ha dado cuenta que iba usted a m�s de 180?”

“Lo siento, pero es que estoy muy borracho y no me fijo en las se�ales”.

“�Me permite su carnet de conducir?”

“No va a poder ser, me lo retiraron por atropellar dos ancianas”.

“�Los papeles del coche?”

“Es que no es m�o, lo acabo de robar”.

“Mire en la guantera, quiz�s est�n ah�”.

“�Imposible, los habr�a visto cuando puse la pistola!”

“�Qu� pistola?”

“Hombre, la pistola con la que mat� a la ni�a que llevo en el maletero…”

El guardia civil, asustado, retrocede hacia su moto y por la radio pide refuerzos. Inmediatamente se presentan varios coches de la Guardia Civil y rodean al infractor.

El comandante se acerca al conductor:

“Buenos d�as, �me permite su permiso de circulaci�n?”

“No faltaba m�s, aqu� tiene usted”.

“�Los papeles del veh�culo?”

“Por supuesto, tenga usted”.

“Ahora, con mucho cuidado… �Podr�a abrir la guantera?”

“Claro”. (Abre y se ve la guantera vac�a).

“Ahora, �brame el maletero. (El conductor abre y… �El maletero est� vac�o!)

“Perdone, pero no entiendo nada, hemos venido urgentemente porque nos hab�an dicho que estaba usted borracho, que conduc�a sin carnet, que el veh�culo era robado y sin papeles, que llevaba una pistola en la guantera, un cad�ver en el maletero…

El conductor, interrumpi�ndole, lanza:

“�No me diga m�s, seguro que tambi�n le han dicho que conduc�a con exceso de velocidad! �Verdad?”

What do you call a depressed dentist? A little down in the mouth.

What’s wrinkled and hangs out your underwear?

Your mother.

What do you call a Black man in Thailand?

A Tycoon.

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