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Estaba un borrach�n afuera de su casa grit�ndole a la puerta:
“�Abracadabra! �Abracadabra!”
En eso, pasa un polic�a y le dice:
“Oiga, se�or, �de veras cree que la puerta se va a abrir dici�ndole abracadabra?”
“�Ach�s! �A poco dije abracadabra? Perd�n, me equivoqu�…”
Y entonces comienza a gritar:
“�Abre, cabrona! �Abre cabrona!”
The boss of Stone Marketing called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have
a quick contest.
The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. After all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.
The top ten:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
1. This is your penis… This is your penis on drugs.
I was wondering… How does this make Martha Stewart feel?
O.J. goes free. Robert Blake walks. Michael Jackson is found not guilty.
She made a phone call. ‘Hello, is this my broker?’ Prison!
-Jay Leno
1 day Johny and his mom were at church and johny said,”Mom, I
feel like i’m gonna throw up.” so his mom says,”Ok sweety, go
out and around to the bushes so no one will c u.”
so a minute later Johny comes back and his mom says,”did u do
it?”
and johny said,”i didn’t have to. on my way out i found a box
that said “for the sick”
A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! “If I had
all the beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river.”
With greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d
throw it all into the river.”
And finally he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d throw it
all into the river, too!”
As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, “For
our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:”
“Shall We Gather at the River.”
There are three guys named Manners, Shutup, and Crap.
They were really bored, so they decided to run a race. During the race, Crap fell down, and Manners stopped to help him. But Shutup ran so fast the police caught him. Here’s how the conversation went:
Police Officer #1: “What’s your name?”
Shutup: “Shutup.”
Police Officer #2: “Where’s your manners?”
Shutup: Back there picking up Crap!”
Dos borrachos, por la calle, se tropiezan con un pocot�n de mierda:
“Compa�ero, eso es mierda”.
“No, no, no, eso es un pastel”.
“Que no, que no, eso es mierda”.
“Le digo que no, pru�bela y ver�”.
Despu�s que la prueba:
“Ten�as raz�n es mierda, �menos mal que no la pisamos!”
Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one question to get into heaven.
The first nun is asked who the first man on earth was. She replies, ”Oh that’s
easy, Adam!” Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
The second nun is asked ”Who was the first woman on earth?” she says,
��that’s easy, Eve!” Lights flash and the gates open.
The Third nun is asked, ��what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The nun
is puzzled and can’t figure it out, so she says, ��that’s a hard one.” Lights
flash up and the pearly gates open.
A sorority girl is having sex with her boyfriend one night when she asks, �Just this once, can we put it in the other hole? I think I�d really like that.�
�Are you crazy?� her boyfriend cries. �You might get pregnant that way!�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts.Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he’ll carry her groceries out to which he responds, “Sure lady”.They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, “You know, I have an Itchy Pussy”, to which he responds, “You’ll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!”
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.
The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant that, if the man returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
“So did you follow him?”
“I did.”
“And…where did he go?”
“Over to your house!”
16> Thinking outside the cube15> De-nosing the grindstone14> Training for a career in management13> Notworking12> Awaiting awkward discovery prior to pursuing new opportunities elsewhere11> Conserving the midnight oil10> Testing the corporate firewall’s ability to stop indecent images9> Consulting8> Battling the dreaded the Minesweeper virus7> Defragging the brain drive6> Reaping the rewards of superior delegation5> In conference with the Olsen twins4> Visiting Crawford3> Letting opportunity open its own damn door2> Zero-tasking1> Enabling real-time back-end utilization [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]