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Answer these questions to the best of your ability:
1. How many eyes does a rooster have?
2. How many legs does a rooster have?
3. How many beaks does a rooster have?
4. And finally, how many whiskers does a cat have?
OK now that you’ve answered all these questions to the best of your ability ask yourself this…
why is it you know so much about cock and nothing about pussy?
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
How’s your momma? We went out! Hey, I’m on the INTERNET!!!!! What’s up to all the ladies that are in the house!!! I’ll talk to you all later! TONIGHT! PEACE!
Un estudiante de ingenier�a en computaci�n ense�a un programa al profesor y le pregunta:
“Profesor, �d�nde est� el error ? �En qu� parte del c�digo ?”
El profesor mira atentamente el programa, luego mira fijamente al estudiante, mueve la cabeza lentamente de izquierda a derecha y dice:
“En tu c�digo de ADN”
>Apasionada y hondamente la quiero a Ud. jo-
ven y hermosa y como es natural yo deseo proce-
>der con prontitud y eficacia, al fin de pre-
sentarla luego en el altar de la iglesia y no enga-
>�arla vilmente, pues pienso que usted es la m�s pu-
ra y mujer inimitable de la mujer buena y cas-
>ta que pudo haber existido.
>As�mismo, deseo depositar en usted el se-
creto de mi alma, e impedir que mis venas se que-
>men con ardiente pasi�n, y despu�s de haber for-
malizado nuestras relaciones y haber comu-
>nicado a su mam� y hermanas quedar� mi ver-
dadera pasi�n correspondida, a fin de que la ha-
>ga feliz con tanta pasi�n.
>La verdad le digo, que el m�s afortunado cu-
pido mir�ndonos dichoso con tan ardiente anhe-
>lo envidiar�a nuestra dicha; cr�ame que co-
nocer la felicidad matrimonial que desea toda mu-
>jer, es lo m�s importante en la vida.
Su enamorado.
(Ahora lee s�lo los p�rrafos marcados con >)
President Bush is going to visit the Vatican.
He says he’s looking forward to meeting the Pope and Mrs. Pope
Q:What does it mean when you see car tracks in Afganistan
A:Osama’s Bin Drivin
A woman asks her husband, “Would you like bacon and eggs for your breakfast?”
He declines, saying, “It’s the Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “How about a bowl of homemade soup or a cheese sandwich, perhaps?” she inquires.
He declines. “It’s the Viagra,” he says. “It really takes away my desire for food.”
Dinner time comes around, she asks again if he’d like anything to eat, “A microwave pizza would only take a couple of minutes. Would you like some?”
He says, “Nah, I’m still not hungry.”
So she says, “Well in that case, would you mind getting off me? I’m starving!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman and Curtis
Cuando la Madre Teresa de Calcuta muere, San Pedro le informa:
“Lo siento, pero se nos han acabado las coronas”.
Ya estando ah�, la Madre Teresa decide darse un paseo por el Reino de los Cielos. Horas m�s tarde vuelve indignada y le reclama a San Pedro:
“Perdona, pero acabo de ver a la princesa Diana de Gales con una corona. �Y me hab�as dicho que no quedaban!”
“�Qu� va, eso es el volante que no se lo hemos podido sacar!”
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned.’The priest asks, ‘What did you do?’The woman says, ‘I committed adultery.’The priest says, ‘How many times?’ And the woman replies, ‘Three.’Priest: ‘Say two Hail Mary�s, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.’A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, ‘Father forgive me for I have sinned.”What did you do?’�I committed adultery.”How many times?”Three times.’The priest says, ‘Say two Hail Mary�s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.’The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it, so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned.’The rabbi says, ‘What did you do?’The woman replies, ‘I committed adultery.’The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, ‘How many times?’The woman replies, ‘Once.’The rabbi said, ‘Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5.’
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, “How do you know?”
The first inmate said, “God told me!”
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did NOT!!!”
Who’s In Charge of The Body All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. The brain said: “I should be in charge, because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.” “I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.” “I should be in charge,” said the heart, “because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you’d all waste away.” “I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal.” All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss. The moral of the story? You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… just an asshole.
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The bystander couldn’t stand the mystery. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”
“What happened to him?”
The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”
The onlooker enquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”
The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
“Get in line.”