Category: other

Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb

none, they just sit in the dark and bitch

n the first day of third grade, Miss Torch took roll. “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer,” said one boy. “I won’t tolerate such language in my class”, Miss Torch fumed.”Tell me your real name.” “That is my real name,” Johnny insisted.”You can ask my brother over in the fourth grade.” The determined teacher marched across the hall.”Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?” Miss Torch asked the class.”Hell no,” a bold lad retorted.”We don’t even get a cookie break!”

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn’t
handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The
only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So
she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm
back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give
herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her
friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn’t there. When
he finally came in, she told him, �I’m your boss so you have to do what I tell
you.�

The gay guy said, �Okay.�

So she said, �Take my shoes off,� so he did.

She said, �Take my stockings off,� so he did.

Then she said, �Take my dress off,� and he did.

She said, �Take my bra off,� so he did.

Then she said, �Take my panties off,� so he did.

Finally, she said, �You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and
you’re fired.�

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, “Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me?
I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she’s done just give her 10 hail Mary’s and I’ll be right back.”

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. “Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex.” Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 hail Mary’s would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an alter boy, “Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?”

In reply the alter boy said,

“Two Snickers bars and a Coke.”

(Q) why do teachers where dark glasses.

(A) because the pupils are so bright.

A father welcomed his daughter’s boyfriend at the door and invited
him in. “She’ll be right down.” he said. “Care for a game of chess?”

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!

One day the wife of one of the tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

“You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”

The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence-what is called an albino. Look to the yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief pauses for a moment then says “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child!”

What’s the two best things about alzheimers?

You meet “new” people everyday.

And…

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I don’t know,” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her.

Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice “Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!”

“So would I,” quipped the girl, “but you know, there just isn’t enough time during a coffee break.”

I man with a speech imparement went into a bakery and asked for
a bum (bun). The baker handed over a bun and the man left. Then
he went into a hardwhere store and asked for a fucket (bucket).
The salesperson handed overa bucket and the man left. The man
went into the pet shop and asked for a cocken spankit.
(cokerspaniel). The lady handed over a cokerspaniel and a leash.
Apon leaving the shop the man accidently let go of the leash and
said to an old lady sitting n a park bench ” Could you please
hold my bum and fucket, while i go and get my cokensapckit.”