Category: other

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”

En un apartamento de un primer piso frente al parque Mirador Sur, llega el marido cuando su se�ora se encontraba en plenas funciones con su amante.

Un negro est� meando en un servicio publico cuando se acerca un blanco y se pone al lado a mear y sin poder evitarlo mira de reojo y le dice: “Perd�neme, yo no soy maric�n ni nada de eso, pero siempre me he preguntado por que los hombres de color como usted teneis la polla tan grande.”

El negro le responde: “Muy sencillo, los negros cuando hacemos el amor la metemos hasta el fondo y luego para atr�s muy despacito, despacito. Otra vez hasta el fondo y para atr�s muy despacito, despacito y as� hasta que acabas y eso es lo que hace que los negros tengamos la polla tan grande.”

El blanco era todo felicidad por la informacion recibida y decidi�, dando las gracias al negro, irse a casa para empezar sin demora alguna el estiramiento de su pene con la ayuda de su mujer.

Al llegar a casa encontr� a su mujer en la cocina haciendo la comida.

“Mar�a, deja eso y vamos al l�o.”

“Pero Pepe, que es casi la hora de regreso de los ni�os y no es momento para…”

No le dio tiempo a terminar, all� mismo la tendi� Pepe en el suelo y se la meti� hasta el fondo y para atr�s muy despacito, despacito. Otra vez hasta el fondo y para atr�s despacito, despacito.

Mar�a entre jadeos le dice:

“�Pepe, si pareces un negro follando…!”

Once upon a time there was this farmer, who was raising his 3 daughters. Naturally, he was concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens, the girls began dating. On one particular evening all three girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was custom, the farmer would greet the young suitor at the door, holding a bat, not to menace or threaten but simply to ensure the young men knew who was the boss… The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck –” and Whack!, the farmer hit him.

Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched
as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes,
Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

“Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home
right away!”

“Why?” his father asked.

“Because the mailman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants
to buy mom!”

Dos compadres pasaban por un callej�n y un tipo se les acerca con una jeringa dici�ndoles: “denme el dinero o les inyecto el SIDA”.

Uno de los compadres empieza a darle el dinero, pero el otro se niega, retando al asaltante: “no; iny�ctame lo que quieras, pero a m� nadie me roba.

“�Qu� hace, compadre?”, le pregunta el otro angustiado, mientras el agresor le inyecta todo el contenido de la jeringa.

Cu�ndo el delincuente se aleja, le pregunta: “�por qu� dej� que lo inyectaran, compadre?”

“No se preocupe compadre, tra�a puesto un cond�n”, le contesta el otro.
(Jaime Alejandro Arjona Tamez)

Why do fat people hate rolls?

Because they see enough everday when they look in the mirror!

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.

The buzzword in today’s business world is MARKETING.

However, people often ask for a simple explanation of “Marketing.” Well, here it is:

– You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

– You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed,”

That’s Advertising.

– You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

– You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

– You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

– You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”…..

That’s Junk Mail.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

how do u eat with that thing

Brittany Spears is so plastic, people try to sell her in stores.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.
She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!”
Her friend said, “O.K. then, what’s the capital of France?”
The blonde replied, “Oh, that’s so easy! F.”

Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a tv, and a mistress and tv with
cable?
A: The first one is both are at home and free, the second one is also both at
home but with a FEE.