Category: other

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

‘What are you doing?’ she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, ‘I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.’

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

‘What are you doing?’ he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, ‘I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband.’

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

She asked, ‘What are you doing?’
He replied, ‘Watching the game with my son-in-law.’

A stupid guy is working at a grocery store. An old lady walks up to him and asks him how much are the apples, he says duh I dunno. Then the lady asks are the apples fresh, he says duh I dunno. Then the lady asks him if she should buy these apples, he says duh I dunno. Then the manager comes up to him and says that if someone asks you how much are the apples you say $
1.99, if someone asks you if the apples are fresh you says yes very very fresh, if someone says should they buy these apples you say if you don’t somebody else will. Then a robber comes into the store and says give me all the money in the cash register. The stupid guy says duh I dunno. Then the robber says how much money is in the cash register, the guy said $
1.99, the robber then said are playin fresh with me, the guy says yes very very fresh, then the robber says should I shoot you, the said if you don’t somebody else will.

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he’s dead.

Your family is so poor, they go to kentucky fried chicken to lick other
people’s fingers.

You’er so poor at Christmas your mom bought you a video tape of other kids
playing with their toys.

Your family is so poor, you have to go home and take off your clothes so
Your father can have pants to wear to work…

Your father is so poor he can’t afford to pay attention…

Your family is so poor they window shop at K-Mart

Your parents are so poor they got married for the rice.

Your familys been on welfare so long your grandpa’s face is on food stamps.

Your family is so poor, when I asked for something to eat your mother gave
me a BLT: bread, lettuce, and tomato….

Your mother is so poor I saw her on the street selling loose M&M’s.

Your family is so poor the roaches have to eat out or go hungry.

Se encuentran dos amigas despu�s de muchos a�os…

“Hola Mar�a Jos�, �c�mo est�s?”

“Hola Mar�a Emilia, �yo muy bien y t�?”

“Bien, vivo donde siempre, con mis dos hijos; me separe de mi marido por que no lo soportaba m�s.”

“Est� bien, hay que echarlos cuando una lo cree necesario.”

“�Y t�?

“Yo bien, en mi casa de siempre tambi�n, con mis 12 hijos.”

“�12 Hijos!”

“S�, 12, y a todos les puse de nombre Juan.”

“�A todos Juan! �Y c�mo haces para llamarlos?”

“F�cil, Cuando los quiero llamar a comer dijo Juan a comer, y vienen todos. Juan a tomar la leche, y vienen todos, muy f�cil.”

“Ah s�; �y cuando quieres llamar a uno solo?”

“�Por el apellido…!”

En un apartamento de un primer piso frente al parque Mirador Sur, llega el marido cuando su se�ora se encontraba en plenas funciones con su amante.

Un negro est� meando en un servicio publico cuando se acerca un blanco y se pone al lado a mear y sin poder evitarlo mira de reojo y le dice: “Perd�neme, yo no soy maric�n ni nada de eso, pero siempre me he preguntado por que los hombres de color como usted teneis la polla tan grande.”

El negro le responde: “Muy sencillo, los negros cuando hacemos el amor la metemos hasta el fondo y luego para atr�s muy despacito, despacito. Otra vez hasta el fondo y para atr�s muy despacito, despacito y as� hasta que acabas y eso es lo que hace que los negros tengamos la polla tan grande.”

El blanco era todo felicidad por la informacion recibida y decidi�, dando las gracias al negro, irse a casa para empezar sin demora alguna el estiramiento de su pene con la ayuda de su mujer.

Al llegar a casa encontr� a su mujer en la cocina haciendo la comida.

“Mar�a, deja eso y vamos al l�o.”

“Pero Pepe, que es casi la hora de regreso de los ni�os y no es momento para…”

No le dio tiempo a terminar, all� mismo la tendi� Pepe en el suelo y se la meti� hasta el fondo y para atr�s muy despacito, despacito. Otra vez hasta el fondo y para atr�s despacito, despacito.

Mar�a entre jadeos le dice:

“�Pepe, si pareces un negro follando…!”

Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched
as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up
and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes,
Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

“Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home
right away!”

“Why?” his father asked.

“Because the mailman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants
to buy mom!”

Once upon a time there was this farmer, who was raising his 3 daughters. Naturally, he was concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens, the girls began dating. On one particular evening all three girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was custom, the farmer would greet the young suitor at the door, holding a bat, not to menace or threaten but simply to ensure the young men knew who was the boss… The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, “Hi, my name’s Joe, I’m here for Flo. We’re going to the show, is she ready to go?” The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way. The next lad arrived and said, “My name’s Eddie, I’m here for Betty, we’re gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?” Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went. The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, “Hi, my name’s Chuck –” and Whack!, the farmer hit him.

1. Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be!2. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock! 4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you. 5. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I’ll do it your way.6. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. 7. I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room. 8. I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house. 9. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous. 10. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Pepito, de 5 a�os, observa a su hermano mayor Arturo, de 19 a�os, que despu�s de pedir prestado a su padre el auto para esa noche se pon�a una combinaci�n deportiva de estreno, se perfumaba y se hac�a meticulosamente la raya de su peinado.

Sospechando que se trataba de una aventura, Pepito se esconde en la parte trasera del auto y en absoluto silencio ve como Arturo va hasta una esquina donde le est� esperando una bella joven y parte con ella hasta las afueras de la ciudad donde en una zona oscura detiene el veh�culo e imperativamente le dice: “�S� o No?”

La joven, sin pensarlo dos veces, le responde categ�ricamente: “�No!”, a lo que Arturo indignado le responde: “Pues te bajas del auto y te vas caminando para tu casa.”

Al d�a siguiente Pepito toma su triciclo y va a dar la acostumbrada vuelta a la manzana y al pasar frente a casa de Susanita la invita a que se monte en la parte de atr�s, a lo que accede la ni�a y se para en la parte trasera poniendo sus manos sobre los hombros de Pepito.

Al doblar la esquina, Pepito detiene el triciclo y en forma imperativa pregunta a Susanita: “�S� o No?”, a lo que Susanita r�pidamente le resonde: “�S�!”

Pepito se queda pensando y finalmente le dice a Susanita; “Bueno, entonces sigue t� con el triciclo que yo me voy caminando para mi casa”.

He aqu� 10 razones por las cuales es mejor dormir que tener sexo:

1. Dura toda la noche.

2. No te sientes culpable de hacerlo sola o solo.

3. Nadie rumorea sobre que tanto duermes t�.

4. No te quejas en las ma�anas de no haberlo tenido.

5. No hay que pagar para hacerlo.

6. No necesitas dormir despu�s de dormir.

7. Puedes dormir hasta en la iglesia.

8. Mientras duermes puedes tener sexo con quien quieras.

9. Tu compa�ero o compa�era no se queja.

10. Puedes dormir en la posici�n que desees.

Yo’ daddy’s so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for
mooning!