Category: other

One day at a nursing home,an elderly woman ran into the T.V. room, pulled up her skirt and exposed herself and yelled SUPERPUSSY. She then ran into the activity room and exposed herself agan and yelled SUPERPUSSY. She then ran into the dining room where a 95 year old man was about to be served his supper,jumped up on the table directly in front of him and exposed herself once more yelling SUPERPUSSY.The old man took one look and replied,i will have the soup!

How do you keep a moron busy?
Look below.
How do you keep a moron busy?
Look above.

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm
spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.

“God? Are you really there?” Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. “Yes, Jimmy. What can I do
for you?”

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, “God? What is a million years like to
you?”

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God
responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. “A million years to me,
Jimmy, is like a minute.”

“Oh,” said Jimmy. “Well, then, what’s a million dollars like to you?”

“A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.”

“Wow!” remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. “You’re so generous…can I have one
of your pennies?”

God replied, “Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.”

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn�t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up along side her and said, �Good morning, Ma�am. What are you doing?� �Reading my book�, she replied�as she thought to herself, �Isn�t it obvious�? �You�re in a restricted fishing area,� he informed her. �But officer, I�m not fishing. Can�t you see that?� �Yes, but you have all the equipment. I�ll have to take you in and write you up.� �If you do that, I�ll have to charge you with rape�, snapped the irate woman. �But, I haven�t even touched you,� groused the sheriff. �Yes, that�s true,� she replied, �but you do have all the equipment.� MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read.

Why did god make piss yellow and semen white?

– So [ethnics] could tell if they were coming or going.

Llega un hombre con una media puesta en la cabeza a un banco de de semen, saca una pistola y dice:

“�Quietos todos, esto es un asalto!”

Y la encargada le dice:

“�Pero si esto es un banco de semen!”

“Bueno, mmmm.., entonces saque todo el semen que tenga y echelo en ese bote.”

Cuando la encargada termina de hacerlo, el hombre le dice:

“�B�betelo todo!”

“Pero, �c�mo me lo voy a beber todo?”

“Que se lo beba o la pego un tiro.”

“Pero…”

“�Que se lo beba he dicho!”

“Vale vale, no se ponga nervioso.”

“Despu�s de que la mujer ha terminado de beb�rselo el hombre se quita la media de la cabeza y le dice:

“Ves, Mar�a, como cuando quieres te lo bebes.”

The following ads actually appeared in newspapers:

ILLITERATE ? Write today for free help.

AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go
anywhere again.

DOG FOR SALE Eats anything and is fond of children

STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one.

SEMI ANNUAL AFTER XMAS SALE

DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take
home, too.

GREAT DAMES for sale.

TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it

FOR RENT: 6 room hated apartment

WANTED: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink

OUR BIKINIS ARE EXCITING. They are simply the tops.

AND NOW, the superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled
inconvenience.

WE WILL OIL your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1

Un ni�a le pregunta a su madre cu�ntos tipos de hombres hay. La madre, despu�s de pensarlo un rato, le responde:

“Mira hija, los hombres durante su vida pasan por tres fases: Antes de los 29 son como el arbusto del jardin, duros y bien dispuestos. Hasta los 49 son como el roble, fuertes y confiables. Y a partir de los 50 son como los arbolitos de navidad, con las bolitas de adorno…”

Your momma so black she purple.

Una pareja de reci�n casados est� tratando de poner las cosas en claro. Ella dice:

“Mira, Baldomero, para no andar con evasivas te voy a ser muy clara: cuando traiga el pelo peinado con apartado por un lado, quiere decir que quiero hacer el amor de una forma tranquila. Cuando lo traiga peinado con apartado en medio, lo quiero hacer de manera m�s cachondona. Cuando traiga trenza lo quiero hacer de manera salvaje y cuando lo traiga recogido en un chongo significa que no quiero saber nada de nada”.

�l le contesta:

“Mira, Lupita, yo voy a ser m�s claro: cuando me veas con una cerveza en la mano, significa que quiero hacer el amor de una forma tranquila. Cuando me veas con dos cervezas en la mano, significa que quiero hacer el amor de manera m�s cachondona. Cuando me veas con un paquete de seis, significa que quiero hacerlo de manera salvaje y cuando me veas con dos paquetes de seis de cerveza en la mano quiere decir que me vale madre como andes peinada, �entendido?”

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

wheres my tractor!!

Man goes to see the Rabbi.”Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for over three hours. You want my advice?”The man anxiously says, “Yes.””Take the poison,” says the Rabbi.