Category: other

a 70YEAR OLD MAN NAMED HENRY WAS ABOUT TO MARRY A 23 YEAR OLD GIRL NAMED ETHAL. ETHAL ASKED HENRY TO WASH HER RED NIGHTGOWN SO SHE COULD HAVE IT FOR THE HONEYMOONSO HE DID. AFTER HE WASHED IT HE PUT IN THE DRYER AND STARTED TO TAKE A BATH.ETHAL KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND ASKED TO ENTER SO SHE COULD GET THE CLOTHES FROM THE DRYER TO PACK FOR THE HONEYMOON.HENRY SAID YES IF YOU DONT PEEK AT ME.ETHAL OPENED THE DRYER PULLED OUT HER NIGHT GOWN AND SAID OH HENRY IT IS ALL PINK AND WRINKLY AND HENRY SAID DAMN IT ETHAL I TOLD YOU NOT TO PEEK!

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. And as she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.””Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because,… That’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”

1. start food fights
2. call lunch ladys fat pigs
3. open your milk DONT drink it and dump it all over
4. come in the cafiteria with a cow suit and sing ”i got milk
feel my utters”
5. have fun in detention

Yo mama’s house is so dusty the roaches ride around in dune buggies.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a
problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden
and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but
I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you.”

“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All
in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and
more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a
ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in
the sack.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, well. He’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But,
you can have him on one condition.”

“What’s that, Lord?”

“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).NOMINEE No.2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a “farm-type truck.” Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns’ clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns “wrapped in the drive shaft.”

Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was.”It’s the wife” said Maurie.” As you know, she’s taken up golf, and since she’s been playing, she’s cut my sex down to once a week”.”Well you should think yourself lucky” said his partner.”She’s cut some of us out altogether!”

How many average canadians does it take to change a light bulb? 7

One to stand on a table to push the light bulb up,
Four to spin the table clockwise,
One to run counterclockwise to make sure the table movers don’t
get dizzy,
And one to keep the window open for some curent

One day at a nursing home,an elderly woman ran into the T.V. room, pulled up her skirt and exposed herself and yelled SUPERPUSSY. She then ran into the activity room and exposed herself agan and yelled SUPERPUSSY. She then ran into the dining room where a 95 year old man was about to be served his supper,jumped up on the table directly in front of him and exposed herself once more yelling SUPERPUSSY.The old man took one look and replied,i will have the soup!

How do you keep a moron busy?
Look below.
How do you keep a moron busy?
Look above.

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hill in the middle of a meadow on a warm
spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.

“God? Are you really there?” Jimmy said out loud.

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. “Yes, Jimmy. What can I do
for you?”

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, “God? What is a million years like to
you?”

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God
responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. “A million years to me,
Jimmy, is like a minute.”

“Oh,” said Jimmy. “Well, then, what’s a million dollars like to you?”

“A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.”

“Wow!” remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. “You’re so generous…can I have one
of your pennies?”

God replied, “Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.”

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn�t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up along side her and said, �Good morning, Ma�am. What are you doing?� �Reading my book�, she replied�as she thought to herself, �Isn�t it obvious�? �You�re in a restricted fishing area,� he informed her. �But officer, I�m not fishing. Can�t you see that?� �Yes, but you have all the equipment. I�ll have to take you in and write you up.� �If you do that, I�ll have to charge you with rape�, snapped the irate woman. �But, I haven�t even touched you,� groused the sheriff. �Yes, that�s true,� she replied, �but you do have all the equipment.� MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read.