Un hombre llega a su casa borracho a las 6 de la ma�ana. Le dice su esposa:
“�Pero qu� horas son �stas de llegar?”
“�Qu� hace este hombre contigo en mi cama?”
“�No me cambies la conversaci�n, no me cambies la conversaci�n!”
Category: other
Oh, God, No
Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.”I’m thirsty,” said the first.”I’m gonna go get myself a Coke.” So he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and came back with his Coke.”Ooh, that looks good,” said the second and got out of the boat. He walked across the water, got his Coke, and came back.”You’re right,” said the third.”I think I’ll get one too.” He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock.”Hey,” said the first clergyman to the second, “should we tell him where the rocks are?”
Un domingo en la Iglesia,
Un domingo en la Iglesia, hay una cola casi infinita de jovenes para confesarse.
Llega el primero y dice:
“Padre, me confieso haberme masturbado tres veces.”
“Bueno, vete a la esquina, reza 10 padrenuestros y no lo vuelvas a hacer.”
El siguiente:
“Padre, me confieso haberme masturbado tres veces.”
“Bueno, vete a la esquina, reza 10 padrenuestros y no lo vuelvas a hacer.”
As� el tercero, el cuarto y todos los siguientes, hasta que el cura se cans�. Entonces llam� al monaguillo y le dijo que le sustituyera en el confesionario.
“Todos te diran que se masturbaron 3 veces. Los mandas a la esquina a que recen 10 padrenuestros y ya est�.”, le dice el cura.
Llega el primero a confesarse y dice:
“Padre, me confieso haberme masturbado DOS veces.”
“Bueno, vete a la esquina, mast�rbate otra vez y reza 10 padrenuestros.”
At the confessional
A drunken man staggers in to a catholic church and sits down in a confession
box and says nothing. the bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but
still the man says nothing.
the priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the
man to speak. finally, the drunk replies, “no use knocking, there’s no paper in
this one either.”
Don’t gamble
Rod and Todd, now in their eighties, first met in school.
Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes, and making bets.
One day Rod calls Todd and says, “I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. Twenty pounds.”
Todd replies, “How can that be? If you know anything about biology you…”
Rod interrupts, “I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard… twenty pounds… YES OR NO?”
Todd says, “OK OK! I’ll take that bet. How long is yours soft?”
Rod answers, “Eleven years.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Are you the Manager?
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
“Are you the Manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no” he replies.
“Can you get him for me – I need to speak to him?” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t” breathes the barman – clearly aroused.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
She continues, “Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.”
Llega un tipo a casa
Llega un tipo a casa de su compadre y le dice “compadre, vamos a casar un le�n, el mas grande para que me den un premio.”
Y el otro compadre le dice “Ahorita no, tengo cosas que hacer.”
Se va el compadre y a la entrada de la monta�a ve un le�n grand�simo, le dispara una vez y nada, otra y nada y el le�n se va sobre �l, y el se�or empieza a correr. En una de esas el le�n se resbala y cae al suelo, y el se�or sigue corriendo y el le�n se vuelve a resbalar y, se resbala otra vez mientras persigue al se�or, hasta que el se�or se sube a un �rbol.
A los tres d�as regresa y le dice a su compadre lo que pas�: que el le�n mientras lo persegu�a se resbalaba, y le dice el compadre:
“�Y usted que hizo?”
“Yo me sub� a un �rbol.”
“�Co�o, compadre, yo en su lugar me hubiese cagado!”
Y el otro le dice:
“�PUES CON QU� CREES QUE SE RESBALABA EL LEON!”
What do you call two
What do you call two black guys on motorcycles in Los Angeles?
Choclate CHiPs
I have a dumb sister
Ok Let me just inform you that me, the person who is typing
this, is 12 and a half years old, my sister Charlotte is 16 and
a half. I can truly say we don’t exactly like each other, in
fact you could say we hate each other. Every action and word is
true and that’s why I’m rating this R, isn’t my sister an
angel? ha!
It was December 1st, 2001 and it was rainy and dark. My sister
was “sick” and didn’t want to do the recycling (thing where we
sort plastic, paper, and glass into 3 different trash cans) my
dad wanted one of us (either Camilla (13),Charles (15) me or
Charlotte. Since Charlotte was “sick” she said to me,”You
fucking bitch you fucking better do it or else I’ll beat your
mother fuckin’ ass up.” not being threatened at all since i was
used to this kind of thing i said, “No, I did it a few days ago,
you go ahead and do it.” Now Charlotte believes in those signs
things so since we’re Aries she thinks all Aries should be
stobborn, bossy, touchy etc. So she decided the best way to
react to this was to throw a trash can at me. She kicked the
trash can at me. I have to admit, it did hurt. I acted like
nothing happened and went to my room. She finally decided to
take out the trash. Now I strongly believe inrevenge so I
decided to go out back and dress in my halloween outfit. I went
outside and said, “Boo!” I scared her shitless, well sort of,
actually, she peed in her pants. She was so angry with me she
jumped at me. Since we play dodge ball a lot in P.E. i easily
dodged her. She fell face flat into a mud puddle. I ran inside
and couldn’t help but laugh very very hard. She got her best
silk shirt (actually a see-through tight shirt that shows her
slightly see through bra and is so low at the top that her bra
(came over it) and best pants (which are actually the tightest
thing her so called “fat ass” could fit in) ruined. Now, that’s
what i call revenge.
Life sure is good….
NOT THE BRIGHTEST
Please confirm this entry to the database.
Category: Ethnic Type: Stories Audience: General
——————————————————————————–
IF HE ONLY HAD A BRAIN
TWO AFRICAN AMERICAN’S GUYS WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND A CAR CAME BY AND HIT ONE OF THE GUYS AND SPEAD OFF. HIS BUDDY RAN TO THE CLOSEST HOUSE BY, AND ASK IF HE COULD BARROW THE PHONE TO CALL 911. THE LADY SAID YES. THE 911 OPERATER ASKED, WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY? HE REPLIED… YEAH, MY DAWG GOT HIT BY A CAAR. I NEED A AM-BU-LANCE HERE ON SYC-U-MOE (SYCAMORE ST.)SKREET. 911 OPERATER SAID, “SYC-U-MOE????… CAN YOU PLEASE SPELL THAT FOR ME SIR? HE SAID, YEAH….. S…
C…Y…
NO,NO,NO, ITS S…Y…C…M… HEY, I JUST CARRY MY DAWG TO LEE SKREET AND YA’LL PICK HIM UP THERE.
Racists and Lightbul
How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None — they don’t want to be enlightened!
Like a baby
A young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.
Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it’d be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than sex. Both were happy that they’d been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy’s naked body made the girl faint and fall to the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
‘I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?’
The girl said,
‘You told me it was just like a baby.’
The guy replied,
‘Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.’